Was this guy trying to take advantage of me?

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I was talking on Skype with a friend a couple weeks ago, and another one of his friends, whom I didn't know, was on there as well. Before the talk, my friend told me the other guy was gay. After talking a little bit and disclosing my sexuality to him, we started sending messages to each other. He then started talking extremely dirty and seemed to expect me to reciprocate it. He sent me nude pictures and wanted me to send some too, but I wasn't comfortable with that. I tried contacting him a couple days later just to talk, but he never responded. So my question is, was he trying to take advantage of me, or is that just a normal conversation between LGBT men?

No one should ever send you sexual content without your permission. If he wont reply to platonic conversation sounds like he was trying to take advantage of you, sorry. Idk how common this behaviour is, but even if it is common it is not ok. If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable and wont change their behaviour if you tell them to stop then you shouldnt be around that person.

Hi Grammar Geek,

First my apologies for grammar mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker/writer. I live in Europe, Brussels, Belgium and Dutch is my first language.

Was it a normal conversation between LGBT men? In general, it is a normal conversation between some LGBT men. But not between all gay (or BT) men.

Best, Christopher

It may depend on what he thought this situation was. If he was under the impression it was a hookup, he wouldn't be expecting chit chat, just assessment of each other and decision on whether or not you were both interested and would indeed meet up for sex. That kind of interaction can be very A - B and very physically based.
But if it was made clear by the situation that you were interested only in social contact or friendship and he sent you naked pictures and started dirty talking you, yeah that seems a bit weird. It would depend on context I think.
So not necessarily taking advantage of you, just perhaps he either got the wrong impression or was a little nympho.

Well see, the thing is, I DID want to get together with him. I just wanted to get to know him first; I didn't realize I would be expected to be ultra-sexual the first time I talked to him. Since I didn't do that, I guess he didn't think I was interested, even though I flat-out told him I wanted to meet him. Do you have to be super dirty when planning a hookup with somebody? Because that makes me uncomfortable.

Grammar Geek, forget about him. He's not worth your tears, trouble nor worries. You did the right thing. You told him you wanted to meet him. But it's very clever and wise of you that you wanted to get to know him first. NEVER be sexual the first time you talk to a guy, even when it's mister perfect! Love at first sight, it isn't possible? Yes, it is (but I don't believe in it) and more: if he's really 'mister perfect'... he will wait for you, no doubt about it. Just to hook up with somebody for sex? Well, as far as I'm concerned I don't see why one cannot hook up with somebody just for lust/sex. But ALWAYS be careful with people you don't know. And you should never be "dirty" just in order to pick up, get off with or make a pass at a guy. Never. You are always in control and no matter what, you should always stay in control. Even when you meet up with a guy, have sex together but suddenly you don't want to continue for whatever reason... well enough is enough and if you want to stop and say so, he must stop too.

Best, christopher

OP: what that dude did was pretty normal. At least among gay dudes it's pretty socially acceptable, if something you don't discuss at family dinner. That doesn't mean it has to be YOUR thing.
Your reaction is also normal, I may have felt the same way, in fact a similar thing happened to me the other day, and I chose to discontinue communication with the dude.
It's great for you that you want open communication before getting intimate: stand firm for what you want!
(btw- people who talk and negotiate for what they want in sexual situations beforehand generally experience better outcomes)
Anyways, the guy sounds like he's not the one for you, so keep looking.

No you do not and you shouldn't even be sexual with someone you don't even know. Anyone who is sexual with you before they even know you you should block and not meet because they are what we call creepy. This is an example of sharp social skills.

If gay guys are chatting online with the intention of planning a sexual hookup then it's extremely common to be talking "dirty" and exchanging nude pics.

It's a bit more of a grey area when it's a skype convo via being introduced by a friend vs. chatting via a gay hookup site or app where it's the cultural norm that people chat very openly, very sexually.

I wouldn't say he was trying to take advantage of you. It's more likely that his expectations were that the conversation was of a sexual hookup nature and that he expected that if you were interested in hooking up with him that you'd reciprocate with similar conversation & pics. If that's not your style, whether via a friend's introduction or on a gay site/app, then perhaps you're not compatible with that guy for a hookup or friendship or w/e. Even within overtly sexual sites & apps there are many gay guys who are not interested in hookups at all, or ones who are but aren't interested in instant sexual conversation or exchanges of nude pics. Maybe you just need to find a guy who's more on your wavelength when it comes to chat/fwb/hookups etc. Remember, it takes all kinds.. and there are many, many, different types of gay guys out there. Keep chatting away and you'll find someone you click with.

OTOH, I can't see it hurting anything to send this guy a message if you are still interested in him. Something short and simple like "Hey, I'm interested in meeting up with you sometime.. I just thought we'd chat and get to know each other a bit before swapping nudes." and see how he responds to that. Maybe he'll be OK with that, or maybe he won't reply if he's simply looking for a hookup and isn't interested in chatting with anyone or getting to know anyone at all. No matter how he responds, or doesn't, you'll have your answer at least.

Ah, I was completely unaware of those expectations. I did send him a message the other day saying I saw him in the hallway (we've never met in real life; we've only talked over the Messenger app) and he seemed willing enough to converse with me, so maybe I could explain my misunderstanding to him.

I guess if you've yet to experience it you wouldn't really know.. but yeah, it's very, very, normal. Also, even on sites/apps where people list "dates/relationships/chat/networking" in their profile preferences vs. "right now" (hookups) many of those guys still tend to chat just as sexually as those who are blatantly obvious about the fact that they're looking to hookup with people. So, just be aware that if you create a profile on a gay site/app and even specifically indicate in your profile that you're looking to chat with people vs. have random nearly anonymous hookups, you may still receive some overtly sexual messages. Don't be offended by them. Either ignore them, or reply and say you'd prefer to chat and get to know someone etc vs. getting upset by them. I think that there are quite a few gay guys out there more interested in sexual chat/pics than they'd like to openly admit on their profiles, so they create slightly more conservative leaning profiles in order not to appear... "slu*ty?" and then tend to be just as open to sexual chat as the openly "slu*ty" types of guys are. Also, it may be a strategy on their part to appear less "slu*ty" than the openly "slu*ty" types even though they may be just as much or even more open to sexual hookups than their "sluttier" counterparts. It's all marketing, smoke and mirrors, illusions, and acting in the sense that "all the world's a stage..." for many guys. Then there are the ones who are closeted, or somewhat closeted, and don't want any overtly sexual references in their profiles just in case someone who knows them sees it. There are many reasons for it I suppose.. but yeah, even if you create a "conservative" profile on a gay dating/hookup site or app, you can still expect to receive some pretty racy messages. Don't let them deter or upset you, it just is what it is in the world of online gay dating/hookups.