Getting fired for poor performance. How do I cope?

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I have just finished my probationary period with my current employer. My manager flagged up some major concerns about my performance about a month or so ago and stated that I wasn't picking things up as quickly as I should, that I was too slow and kept making dumb mistakes. He seemed confident that I would improve by January but said "I won't fire you then, but we'll work something out".

So I went through December improving only a very little despite my best efforts. Then two weeks ago, my grandmother died and I needed time off for bereavement. When I came back, I was surprised I wasn't being called in about an appraisal, but I left it because I knew my boss wasn't a jerk who'd fire me just after my granny died. I just tried my best to get through the week last week. Then this week I was told by my colleague of even more f**k up I was responsible for and I realized that I needed to speak to my boss first before he would arrive out of the blue to end my contract.

So I asked to speak with him and told him my concerns. He told me that this week was supposed to be the one when I would get my appraisal and given my performance, he would have fired me. He says he doesn't want to fire me but I'm just not reaching the goals set out. He said that he was giving me one last chance to improve to his standards. I doubt I will be able to, but I can't just quit my job because I can't get jobseekers allowance if I leave voluntarily and I need the income. It upsets me because I was so proud of myself for getting this job and I worked so hard to keep it, but it seems I am just incompetent.

I feel like such a failure and I don't know how I am going to bounce back from this. Has anyone here ever been fired even when they worked their hardest to keep it? Did you manage to get a new job and did you manage to keep it?

Sorry to hear that. But even if this job isn't working out, it can still be a positive. The best time to find another job is while you have one. Work through your probationary period and as long as you can, but at the same time be looking for something more suitable.

Do you know why you are having these issues? Maybe if you think of the cause, you can find a solution. And if you have a plan of action, maybe you can show it to your boss so he realizes you are taking his words seriously.

I agree....it's best to look for another job while you have this one.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

What sort of job is this? Sounds like something sales-oriented.

Not measuring up is tough, but it's a fair reason to get let go. The job comes with shoes to fill and the company needs someone who can fill them. There are other jobs out there, but you might need to find ways to cope without taking time off. A grandparent passing is a very sad time, but it only really justifies taking an afternoon off to attend the funeral. When my father had a heart attack, I took 1 and a half days off to fly and visit him in the hospital, and that was already a stretch. For a grandparent, it just wouldn't happen. Be that as it may, I'm sorry for your loss.

My employer made that decision to give me that time off and incidentally there's a lot more to why I was off than that (such as caring for someone with dementia whose wife and carer just died). So I'd appreciate it if you weren't so presumptuous. I also don't appreciate false sympathy. You don't know my situation. My boss does and he's been excellent about it.

I also get the feeling here that everybody here thinks I feel shocked about this or entitled to keep my job. I seriously dont. I messed up badly and the best I can do is spend the next two weeks trying to update my CV and end this on good terms. At the moment, I feel furious at myself because I know what I struggle with and I can't fix it. It's executive dysfunction. That's what it's always been. And no, my employer is nit discriminating for not being able to accomodate for it. I'm just born a failure, I suppose.

Last edited by MindBlind on 14 Jan 2016, 2:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't feel that way. Try not to beat yourself up about it too much. I know someone who has the same trouble at work due to poor executive functioning.

But there are ways to work around it. It's just that one can't do it in the same way that others do. You have to come up with "tricks" or methods to get yourself to perform despite poor executive functioning.

It is not easy. It takes practice and hard work. But it can be done. It's not something to be ashamed of. Just accept the problem, and work towards a solution. But don't judge yourself based on this. It's just a problem that needs to be addressed. You aren't any worse than other people that have problems.

I also have executive functioning issues and it sucks. So I'm going to do some research and work with someone to figure out ways of dealing with it. It's really no different than a physically disabled person needing to use devices to walk or get around. I'm already using certain methods to help my executive functioning and they are helping.

I hear ya, man. But you are not a failure. No one is good at everything; you just need to find something more suited to you. The fact that your employer is working with you tells you that he sees value in you.

I too struggle with executive functioning and don't do well in sales type jobs. But i agree with those who are saying to remind yourself you are not a failure. Executive functioning issues are one of those hidden disabilities that are hard to understand unless you have them. It looks like laziness from the outside looking in. But it isn't. However, the fact that it is a true disability doesn't help when an employer has certain criteria and said criteria are simply not being met.

I would be looking actively for another job while i still have the current one, if i were you. And also look for ways to get around executive function difficulties. I have found some ways to do that, in organizational tools and lists...but i would advise also looking for a job more suited to your abilities.

You are not a failure just because of this. A very wise psychologist tells me that these issues do not mean i am incompetent--it's just the way my brain is set up. That mindset has been very helpful to remember during times when i feel like a failure as a human being for being forgetful and having difficulty with organization. i often feel like my best is never good enough for other people, when these types of issues come up. I can try twice as hard as most people around me to come up with half the results. It is hard at times. But the right job suited to my abilities has come along; i hope the same happens for you.

I'm sorry. I'm a walking, talking nerve ending right now. I know you mean well.

Thing is, I agree with the sentiment that I just need to work hard and find tricks around it. Thing is, I don't know if I can work any harder. I have offered to stay late (I know that isn't always recommended but the fact that I have stayed late when I've been asked to or offered to do extra work shows I am not lazy), I have tried the pomodoro technique many many times (with only minimal results), I have tried keeping notes (which is fine, but the problem is knowing what you need to keep note of), I have tried timetables (which we sort of do but new things always pop up and I don't know how to cope with that), I have tried taking care of my physical and mental health, I take my medicine and I put all my effort into everything I do. Nothing I do is ever good enough and I am not going to be able to improve fast enough to justify keeping me. I have exhausted every option, barring the stimulants route. I don't even have a formal diagnosis of ADHD to justify that, either. My employer isn't going to be able to accommodate for my needs because that would mean having to lower the standards for me, which holds them back.

I don't think having executive dysfunction makes you a failure. I think I'm a failure because I've had these issues for years and still can't seem to overcome them no matter what I have tried. Plus, it doesn't matter what I think about myself. I could think I am amazing and still get sanctioned by the DWP because I got dismissed for poor performance.

Sorry for all the whining, but I'm not overreacting. People become homeless because of this and that is a serious possibility.

I am updating my CV, however. I do have some software experience at my job and it's programs that quite a lot of businesses seem to use. So, who knows? Maybe there is a microscopic silver lining.

I am struggling with these issues in another thread:

Day 2 - Check

I don't think you should worry much about the lists and notes. Look to the future. Focus on your strengths. Everything in life is both good and bad, you have to choose to focus on the good.

That last point is hopeful, that you have some software experiences in programs which a lot of businesses seem to use.

Personally, I have never been able to look for a job while struggling with a job which draws so much of my emotional and intellectual resources. But if you're able to do this just a little bit, I understand it does help.

When I was manager of a small photocopy center when I resigned, the next person coming in at one point said, wow, I kind of need a list of what's going on right now. I mean, the phone will ring, then a walk-in customer, then a job in progress. I've had some success in keeping notes, and allowing them to be messy with scribbles as needed. But then kind of provide a time line. I also include some personal stuff in there, like a book I want to get or a doctor's appointment, as long as it's not too personal.

These are real issues. It's like we're specialists and have a different type of laser beam of focus, in a world which generally rewards being a generalist. And I can be a generalist, too, but it's very much my own type of generalist.

It frustrates me that I never disclosed my apsergers to my employer. Only my colleagues know about it and I'm not even sure if it was a good idea to let that slip. I never disclosed it because I didn't know how badly I was affected by executive dysfunction and it's not even really something that is officially a symptom of autism (at least not in the triad of impairments). I was afraid that if I disclosed my disability that I would not get the job as they don't have to disclose why they didn't choose me. Now I feel like I should have taken more initiative in finding accomodations for employment and now that I am facing termination of my contract, I don't know if I can find support.

You might want to visit a therapist who specializes in ADHD. Executive functioning is the main problem with ADHD (as well as one of the issues with autism) and a therapist may have some better ideas on coping methods. There are also books out there that have good methods.

What works for one person may not work for you. So you may need to keep trying new things. But feeling stressed about poor executive functioning probably makes it even harder to function.

You might as well consider yourself unemployed RIGHT NOW, because you have just been action-planned out of a job. It doesn't matter how massive an improvement you make in a week, or even if you now ask for ADA accommodation, your're finished permanently with this employer. Better to clean out your desk now, start talking to OVR (unless your locality's OVR is non-existent or run by a bunch of incompetent idiots), as well as apply for unemployment insurance.

Understandable. However, there are clearly other reasons why you haven't had the best of luck in your job. Being able to take constructive criticism and deal gracefully with the superficial nature of interactions between strangers (such as we are) go a long way in surviving in a work environment.