9 Guidelines For Dating With Asperger's

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Brilliant !
Tell you what keep going, keep facing your fears, keep jumping off the parapet and eventually you'll respect and like yourself enough to fill that empty hole inside. Go out and discover what makes you tick, what makes you happy and give it to yourself. I buy myself flowers. Its hard work exploring the vast reaches of an aspie personality as we are so out there but explore you must. Listen to your body, what it likes to eat, when it likes to sleep, when it likes to take a walk on the wild windy beach and learn to trust yourself. Find silence. The Here and Now. Become aware of your wobbles and those powerful emotions and roll with them. So you dont like socialising and networking and your business isnt taking off ? Go get a job on the door of the club or confine your social life to the cafe on the corner in the mornings. Make the effort. And the moment the man oversteps the mark and makes you feel anything other than the beautiful multifaceted soul you are, give him the shove. I know it hurts but once you've found your self you'll never want to compromise her again. Im 54 and it IS possible.

That's why NT women love psychopaths so much. /sarcasm

I think this might have been somewhat helpful for me. The overshare thing really seems to get me all the time.

Very interesting to read.

I'm a female and autistic. I keep making the mistake of oversharing emotionally with an autistic man whom I have deep feelings for. We will see each other, he will go quiet for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe a month. In that time, I share too much and regret it so much and hate myself for it. I just want to know that I care about him and whatever he is experiencing, that I am always there for him, that I will not give up on him.

We have history. I didn't understand the condition and I sure didn't realise I had it either. We were both unwell. He pushed me away. I ended up with someone else (NT). I broke up with them two years later. It appears that even after all that time, AS guy still had feelings for me. He was much more open before, very shut off now - understandable.

I overshare, but he does come back... Surely this is a good sign. Really must keep my feelings for him to myself. I just want him to trust me again.
I miss him so much when he goes quiet and my depression and automatic negative thoughts set in and tell me that I've lost him for good, that I'm a fool and he's probably wanting someone else.

Any insight on this?

I am exactly here. It has been a struggle for me because I feel like our connection has finally satisfied my feelings for someone to understand me. It's terribly selfish of me to put this person on such a pedestal but I cannot help it, and I just want to be honest so I say whatever I feel because the feelings are there for both of us. But there is a trust issue and I have no idea how to overcome it.

Then after being quiet or almost giving up. I find them coming back and wanting so share but I again feel so drained that I nearly want to cry. This person always goes back to dating NTs. We have a history. I don't want to give up on them anymore though because I wouldn't want someone to give up on me, and it feels like people always do.

I've stopped getting upset by it, and have started to work on what makes me happy. However it feels like a long road. Also this person has basically ruined me for basically everyone because they were just so amazing. So all this "just find someone else" talk really hurt my feelings and made me feel low. But doing physical stuff early in the morning and using free time to relax in positive ways has been slowly leading to better feelings about myself.

I wish I could say more. But if I have learned anything from my relationship, it's that my person doesn't respond well to "my story". But anytime there's a totally non-implied offering on my part. And a lot of time goes by, real secret there. The interaction seems genuine enough to be received well, and there is a positive response. It's just acting cool. I know it seems selfish but people want to date cool people that have cool lives. If you're still finding yourself with feelings, just don't believe you're not good enough. And like you're too good and have it going on. To me, and possibly to you, this sounds dumb. Why act all NT and be fake when you can communicate and be real, but some people like the confidence of begin with someone that makes them feel special.

Dating aspie and aspie is always surreal. My first actual love was an aspie. She fell in love with me first and her feeling poured out hard which overwhelmed me dispute my mutual attraction. But even if I never said anything I enjoyed her spams and her constant check ups. But it didn't allow me to reciprocate at the same level.
The next love was in the reverse. I fell in love first and the opposite happened I became overwhelming.
I remember when it ended I couldn't imagine myself with anyone but her. I would constantly be torn and trying to get with others only made it worse.

The solution is simple, you need to close the relationship. Stay friends stay close but make in abundantly clear there is no intention of getting back together. It's better to have them in your life then not at all, and not everyone is made to be together.

I can't stress how Important it is to end the relationship explicitly on your terms and even if you feel unsure you need to create a stipulation that it is over.

As soon as you do you can finally be open to the possibilities of a new companionship. I the world has too many variables and inconsistencies to trap yourself with one variation.

Love everyone, be respectful, and never hold yourself down.

Honestly, when you get older it does become more involved. This is a lie that a lot of our culture plays out. Because it is okay to not date a bunch of people, and it is okay to care about someone. But as you get older you realize that the connections that you share with special people are real for a reason, and it does not substantiate any deep meaningful wisdom to expound how there's more fish in the sea. That's what moms say to teenagers.

Most aspies are specific to a certain interest and it takes someone understanding that to connect with them on an emotional level. So when you meet someone then it is not about overwhelming or underwhelming, it's just about connection. That comes around a lot more with a little more education and experience.

It's also hurtful to say, just do one thing or just do another. Its not like saying just try another flavor of ice cream. It doesn't work that way. Watching an aspie that has feelings for you date a NT, is akin to watching someone leave ice cream out in the hot sun while everyone else say things like "they'll figure it out their way" or "you have to let people find themselves". After a while it is not worth it, but you do feel like you could have done something.

such a great words! Personally I'm 19 and I really understand what are you talking about, because I know what my body wants, what my mind wants and I don't even care about things that will say the surrounding... Frankly speaking, this was able after I matured after a long term relationship with an awesome and smart girl, that made me feel supported and gave me a lot of experience about dating. To be honest, I'm thankful to the fate, that once I decided to use a dating site about which you could read VictoriaHearts Review, because exactly due to this dating site I found that girl... That's a great coincidence, I guess

I somehow managed to get married but now my wife hates me. It does not help I have lost multiple jobs and currently work as a substitute teacher. However there are more problems.

As you have probably noticed, many of the women who judge men in this way are not in a good place financially, mired in student debt with a low-paid job, so there's some serious hypocrisy at play here as well. Always remember that you are more than your job. Your wife is entitled to your love but not to a certain lifestyle, and she should treat you with care and affection - if she hates you, it is time for her to grow up, get real and get some professional help.

One thing I wish for is that people in general were less demanding of each other. We are sold a picture of perfection in the opposite sex and told that we deserve to possess it. This reinforces the awful idea that people are like clothes in a shop, something to try on, buy maybe and throw away later if you feel like it. I find most singles my age have a laundry list of expectations and are intolerant of any deviation from their ideal; women in particular seem much too quick to judge others harshly and reject them. Sure, a relationship won't make you happy tomorrow if you were unhappy yesterday, but we could all be a little more empathetic.

Thankyou for taking the time to write that, I'm 58, my second wife is divorcing me, mostly because of ASD traits & I need all the help I can get. I know the feeling of desparatly wanting someone in my life & oversharing as you put it, but while I am ASD, I am a lot of other things too, aircraft designer, car builder, I have some intelligence & wit, so thinking of myself as ASD makes no more sense than thinking of myself as a car builder.

I will try to keep your words in the back of my head

Once again, thankyou.

Great article. Thank you. Things I wish I'd known years ago.
I have one snag though: the empathy bit. I have too much empathy.

I have (HSP) Highly Sensitive Person and am on the spectrum.
I have empathy coming out of my ears.

I have never for one second doubted that ASD folks have plenty of empathy.

I think many non-ASD folks have trouble seeing/feeling/receiving the empathy from ASD folks. (And maybe many of us have trouble expressing ourselves, sure)

It's more like a communication error.

Communication problems can be worked through, if both parties are willing.

Ive never had someone ask me out. I do hope I can date someone.