Ways to Actually Meet People

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I wanted to see if anyone has any suggestions for ways to "actually" meet people outside of college. I phrase it this way because almost every time I see an answer to this question, it revolves around methods that are largely ineffective for many people (particularly those whose social skills aren't top notch), and that are at the worst seen as creepy. These include meeting people at bars, bookstores, coffee shops, grocery stores, etc. I'm not the kind of person who will do a cold approach to a stranger at any of these places, and even if I did I don't think I'd be any good at it or like it.

What I'm looking for is something where you can spend time with people and get to know them personally first. I've tried churches, but they haven't worked out very well. At mine for example, out of ~250 members, there are only 5 women my age and they're all married. The rest of the members are by and large either 55+, or married in their 40s with kids. I've done a bit of volunteering, but it's largely the same issue as with church - mostly older people, and usually the younger people that do come do so more because they're forced (for college/work) rather than actually wanting to help.

You're at that awkward age when most women have already married and have not yet divorced.

You might try attending an aerobics class, since I see a lot of women your age trying to lose their pregnancy fat in those classes. Maybe one of them might approach you.

im only 19 but i have similar problems, im a nice guy and though socially awkward im not that bad once I've been talking a bit and get comfortable, the problem is breaking the ice and meeting people. i totally agree im not comfortable approaching someone in a bar or anywhere to be honest and introducing myself, because of this i have had to rely on people coming up to me or being introduced to me (which thankfully does happen). i would like to however gain the social skills and confidence to be able to walk up to someone and introduce myself in a friendly way, in the mean time I've been trying to go to as many structured meetings and groups based around interests of mine (mainly board games) as meeting some one at a group meeting of something is no way near as awkward, the next problem is there are often few suitable women in these groups, but there are some which is great and it takes time anyway, i have patience and just happy for the experiences I've already had. hope this helps.

Go for women in their 20s.

This has been my problem as well so I wish you luck. Due to my interests and personality, I'm kind of at a loss as well. My life consists of going to work and coming home. A few times a month I get together with some other guys to play strategy board games but that's pretty much my only social scene. Typically, I can't think of anything I need/want to do outside of the house so I never go anywhere. Pretty much impossible to meet people like that. People will tell me I just need to "get out there" and I have no idea what that actually means. "Out there" seems to refer to some mythical place. That same day, I'll have gone grocery shopping and went to the pet store to get food for my dog so I definitely did go "out there" but it didn't help.

churches are meant for meeting people in the religion realm. gatherings are like parties to celebrate. but then again, you may never know who you realize is worth meeting people.

My suggestion is a cliche but I've seen with my own eyes that it seems to genuinely work -- having a dog that you walk regularly in places where other dog owners walk too.

Of course the caveat is that you need to take the responsibility seriously; if you don't already own a dog you have to be prepared that this is not something to do lightly.

But given that you are in a position to own a dog and be a good and caring owner -- seriously, dog owners can barely get through a walk without getting stopped to talk, either by someone who wants to pet the dog, or by other dog owners.

I walk around in parkland and heathland a lot, and I've inadvertently found the acquaintanceship of dog owners and walkers thrust upon me, and by that contact I've seen how they all become this social network together.

It made me realize I must NEVER get a dog because I want to be left alone when I'm out and about!

Seriously, you'll meet TONS of people you never thought you would if you get a dog or even start hanging out with someone who owns a dog.

Try hobby groups! The Society for Creative Anachronism, or the D&D Adventurer's League (or the Pathfinder equivalent) or other things like that--they're fun AND they have plenty of room for people who aren't students. Nerd conventions, Autism conventions, writers' conventions--just conventions in general--are also good. There might also be smaller religious groups or support groups you might find interesting. Volunteering for a cause you care about is also a good option, although maybe not as good for "meeting people" as some of the previous ones, since the primary focus will be on working and not on socialization.

You're right; hanging around at bars probably won't get you anyone you really want to interact with, and waiting around at grocery stores or parks will make you come off as creepy. It's pretty much a bad idea in general to go somewhere JUST to meet people for a romantic relationship, because it's hard not to come off as super creepy, and you won't really have any other reason to be there, so you can end up seeming boring as well. The trick is to find somewhere you'd go even if you didn't care to meet anyone; that way, you already have a reason to be there, and theoretically you'll be enjoying yourself, which usually makes people seem more likeable and inviting.

Also, don't write off friendships you might find in those groups! Making friends with people you're not romantically interested in can often lead you to meeting people, friends of theirs, who you COULD be interested in. Plus, people like people with friends, and you'll have more support and fun even when you're not in a relationship.

OK I know a lot of ppl are going tsk tsk me for this suggestion: online dating. It will help you get your feet wet. Yeah you might get a date with a weirdo but you just keep on trucking. It's better than nothing. Also ask some good friends to set you up with people they know.

I second the interest group idea. Autistics often have passionate interests after all. If you could expand out and get interested in something that may also appeal to the sorts of partners you want (eg if you're interested in active and athletic people, or studious/intellectual types, artistic types, etc) there is already a connection between you and a point of conversation, a reason for you to be around each other and so on. Much less weird and awkward, plus you may end up with a partner who shares your interests - bonus.

You can try online dating but make sure not to go in with too high expectations. When I first started it, my first impression was "there is a reason ALL these women are single" but ignored that feeling due to my inexperience. Turns out it was right: online dating is more about quantity over quality but at least it's a way to meet people. Just expect the majority to be either flaky or people who have issues of their own they will project onto you.

My best luck came from Meetup. I found while they were generally older, I met a lot of 'weird' people like us who related to me. A couple even made it their mission to find me a girlfriend! I met my Fiancee through eHarmony but she had her eye on me via the local single's Meetup and we would have met there for sure. During my last meetup for singles, I was by one who had the best social skills by a long shot so that was a big plus not being the odd one out. I also joined a running group: it was 95% female and 90% 20-35!