Friendzone

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Wilburforce:

I wasn't meaning to address you directly and never thought you might be doing those things.

I was just talking about the men and women that DO these things to others (be friends with someone romantically interested in them and lead them on)

Alliekit:

I'm sorry that happened to your friend.

I don't in any way support or condone just how angry some men can get when they're rejected, I was just pointing out that it's real and it happens, and that it's also just best to reject them as early as possible and as soon as you figure out they are interested in being more than friends.

Because if sometimes if someone is friends with someone they are secretly attracted to, and the other person knows but chooses to ignore the other person's advances, or even do romantic or sexual type things with the other person, but the other person is also frequently involved with other men, uses him to complain about her problems with them, and otherwise always leave things open-ended rather than reject him, this can only over-time ignite the flame of frustration and anger the person feels.

Unrequited love isn't just painful - it's dangerous, for both the person feeling it and the target of their affections.

The strongest obsessions can even mess with one's mental state and sanity.

As shown on these forums, loneliness alone has a big effect on people's lives (being one of the sole sources of severe depression, anxiety, etc. for some)

So if anything, always reject a male as directly as possible as early as you can.

Peacesells is correct - if you are afraid the other person will react aggressively, that just says you don't know them well enough or trust them enough to know how they are likely to react.

And if you've known them for years and they still react with aggression? Don't even continue to be 'just friends' and cut ties right there and then.

Of course, make sure you are with others or at least in a public, open space rather than of course at his house or in a dark alley. Common sense of course.

I realise my friends occurrence isn't common and I do actually agree that as soon as you find out they like you you should let them know you aren't interested. But sometimes it's difficult to know if someone likes you until they say it. My friend is a guy magnet and is really friendly and bubbly so a lot of guys missunderstand her kindness for interest

The guy in my friends situation had been crushing on her for years and she had previously told him she wasn't interested and agreed to remain friends. When she got together with her boyfriend he started texting he telling her he would kill her or kidnap her. She felt bad for him so didn't report it initially. It was when she apologised and said she loved her boyfriend so nothing would happen between her he sent her a text saying 'I'm going to watch you die slowly as I rape you and strangle the life out of you'.

She was really shook up and came to me for help (we lived together at this point). I made her ring the police and they dealt with the guy in front of his mother and warned him one more threat and he would be charged and put on the offenders register. He was a nasty piece of work and for months after she would be worried about seeing him around town. It has been 3 years now and no sign of him, she is happily living with her boyfriend now so there's a happy ending .


So I actually agree the sooner the better but can understand why there may be hesitation. I know a second friend who happily leads guys on and I'm always telling her that it's not fair

If you are in the friendzone, it's your fault. You are either masquerading as her friend because you are too afraid of asking her out and being rejected, or you are masquerading as her friend as a way to remain close to her after she rejected you. Either way, you are being deceitful and not taking responsibility for yourself. If she is not romantically interested in you, don't pretend you are her best friend. Be civil, but move on and try dating other people. Maybe you will find someone you are a better match with. Maybe you two will cross paths later in life and will be more compatible with each other and be something more than friends. Who knows.

So it has to be always a masquerade? Can't they ever be friends for real?

Yeah you're right. The friendship can only work if there is no resentment.

And here is the 1994's ultimate FRIENDZONE song
(enable English subtitles, if not enabled already click on the small CC at bottom, and the setting icon to choose language):

^ I am a necromancer!
But really, when this song was out I didn't understand what was it about, I was 12.

When I heard it yesterday I was like s**t, that's Friendzone level 99! and reminded me of the friendzone threads here.

^^ It's so weird that there are so many women , who don't simply understand that some men simply develop feelings toward a female with time. So it's not like he started the friendship with ulterior motives.

How hard is that to understand?

For instance, in the lyrics of the song I posted:

"One of my biggest aspiration is to walk with you (daily) for hours and hours" (with her friend...)

I mean why it is so surprising for one to develop feelings toward someone who walks with you for hours and hours ?

The song is actually a poem written by a female poet, and she was addressing her friend in, so the story behind it is real.


"
Majida el-Roumi - Be My Friend

How wonderful it would be if we remained friends
For every woman needs the palm of a friend

Be my freind, be my friend, be my friend
Be my friend, ah my friend, ah ah be my friend


My stories are short and my concerns are small
My stories are short and my concerns are small
And my aspiration is to walk for hours with you
My stories are short and my concerns are small
My stories are short and my concerns are small
And my aspiration is to walk for hours with you
In the rain
When sadness silences me ah ah
When sadness silences me and anxiety makes me cry
Why do you care about how I look and ignore my mind?
Why do you care about how I look and ignore my mind?
My mind

I really need a safe harbor
I really need a safe harbor
And I'm exhausted, exhausted from love stories and news of passion
So speak, speak speak speak speak
Why do you forget half the words when you meet me
Why do you care about how I look and ignore my mind?
Why do you care about how I look and ignore my mind?
My mind

Be my friend, be my friend, be my friend
There's nothing emasculating about it
On the other hand, the man of the East is not satisfied with with any role
Except roles of heroism"