Is it normal to not want to be around other autistic people

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dmack18
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20 Jan 2016, 1:32 am

I should clarify I do have some autistic friends. I generally don't like autistic people and I am autistic. I think they are annoying as f**k and whenever one talks to me about his new obsession on something like f*****g manga I want to punch him in the face. I have a select group of autistic people I like. So I don't hate all autistic people but they are a lot I don't like.

Hell I would rather hang out with Isis than some autistic people. I mean I mean I found uncomfortable to be around another aspie and if one is in the same room as me I will avoid him. ( I say him because I like autistic girls because they can be blunt and funny) either way I just don't like being around autistic people because it reminds me I'm autistic and I hate it.


When I was 15 I went to a sleepwaway camp for people with aspergers and the councelors in my cabin were 4 NT men all from the ages of 19-21 all good looking and fun to be around guys. They would rub their neurotypicalness in my face saying stuff like we've had sex and you will never have sex and they would always talk about how annoying I was and make fun of me.


They were a mountain I could never climb to be like them. Ever since then I began to hate autism. I hated how many times I pissed or annoyed people by saying or doing something and not knowing before hand that what I said or did was innaprotite/ or bad to say. I hate it I try and make friends with girls and get them to do stuff like date me.


But all they see me as is just a retreaded autistic kid who they can put down in a job resume I worked with autistic people by being a condesing b***h to some autistic boy but yet making him fee like I cared for him and liked Him and made him feel special. Honestly being around autistic people is a constant reminder of failure. A lot of autistic people don't drive or can't work full time jobs or struggle in school. And most of us will die virgins unless we hire a prostiute or somehow has really sad pitty sex with us


I honestly hate my life the fact that most autistic never get married. ( or even let alone be in a realtionship for more than like one week) I mean it's normal for autistic people to be in there 30s and never kissed a girl. I mean people make fun of the character in the 40 year old virgin but that is going to be us we will never have sex In our lives because autistic people and gay people were created to never have sex for population control reasons.


I don't like seeing autistic people because I see failure and then I see failure In myself. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I am a little bit angry now so probally tommorow I will lighten and not feel as much hostility as i do now. So it's all good and also I'd like to say I have never verbally or physically harmed another autistic person



Yigeren
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20 Jan 2016, 2:55 am

It sounds like you really hate yourself and are projecting that hatred onto other autistic people around you. Not exactly surprising. People do it all the time. NTs, too. Like the cliche of the closeted gay man in denial who is extremely homophobic. Or someone who used to be fat and now hates fat people.

I don't think it's a very healthy outlook. Obviously you aren't going to love hanging around all autistic people. Every group of people has those that are annoying. But you are being really judgmental of them and of yourself. Give yourself a break, already.

I might find other people with ASD annoying (I don't personally know any yet). I know I can be annoying myself. But so can many NTs. I think my biggest potential issue with those with ASD is that they will be too similar in personality to myself and our personalities may clash.

There's nothing wrong with you, you just have to work harder than some other people. You've already decided that your whole life is going to be a failure and you've barely even started. I screw up all the time in social situations. My life has not been good so far, but I haven't given up yet and neither should you.

And why the heck would you look up to a bunch of losers that make fun of younger kids that they are supposed to be helping? Those guys are the losers. I don't care how good-looking and fun to be around they are. They are terrible human beings.



killerBunny
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20 Jan 2016, 11:10 am

Quite normal.

I've always seen this akin to putting two blind people in a room and ask them to reach a consensus on the aesthetic merits of a visual art piece.

One of the disadvantages of a term is the way you might apply it to who you are. Seing others struggle might remind you of your own. You see your weaknesses in some degree of accuracy acted out right in front of you. Some people find these groups comforting. A lot don't don't. Especially if you are on the high functioning end of the spectrum.

if you can accept that you will have difficulties and wrk on them, I would stay away from groups that link individuals by a disability. If you can, surround yourself with people that accept you but are actually strong in the areas you are weak.

the above posters arm chair psychoanalysis seems a bit ad hoc.

I also know many people that work in areas that supposedly help people with various disorders including asd. Consider that the average person doing this has a baseline education and average intelligence trying to help people rarely understanding the experience people they try to help have. If you are high functioning , you will probably find almost all these people insufferable.



Yigeren
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20 Jan 2016, 1:21 pm

^Not sure how it's an armchair psychoanalysis. OP actually specifically stated the things I said in my reply.

You really come off as quite arrogant.



BeaArthur
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20 Jan 2016, 4:16 pm

If you consider that autistic folks may have some sensory issues ... then it is no surprise that another autistic person who may make sudden movements (tics) or odd noises, or simply goes on talking when you are bored, could really get on the first person's nerves.

You are not obligated to like everyone who has the same diagnosis as you.

Try to get away from hating yourself and your life, though. Work on things you can change. Eventually I think you will find that there are some wonderful things in the world. Try to stay away from the "I'll always be a virgin" self-pity parties.


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20 Jan 2016, 5:01 pm

I can understand that you have trouble beingvaround some, but not all autistic people. Why should you getcalong with someone just because you share some similarities?
I'm male, that doesn't automatically make me get along with other guys, and not get along with women (quite the opposite, really).

About getting laid: it worked for me when I was fifteen, some of my autistic friends had their first time in college, and one guy got his first girlfriend at 27. He married her last year, at 31 and their daughter was born a month ago. And yes, he was annoyed as f**k unril he got his first girlfriend.
Throw away your GQ article that tells you what you should have crossed off the list at what age.
Throw away wherever you read anything about autistics being more similar to each other in anything but certain behavioural patterns. Our macro-similarities may become invisible in sight of our vast micro-differences.


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Schizpergers
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21 Jan 2016, 4:48 pm

Self loathing people are often the most judgemental. I see these issues as a problem with society, but not me because I am who I am and if someone doesn't like it they can f**k right off. Society obviously has a lot of problems and people need to learn to quit judging each other.



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22 Jan 2016, 7:41 am

I find some autistic people annoying because I don't really know how to communicate bluntly enough for them without hurting their feelings. But mostly, I get along OK with autistic people.

As for the OP, it sounds like your main issue is that you don't like yourself, and therefore you don't like people who have the same traits you hate in yourself.

Quote:
I honestly hate my life the fact that most autistic never get married. ( or even let alone be in a realtionship for more than like one week) I mean it's normal for autistic people to be in there 30s and never kissed a girl. I mean people make fun of the character in the 40 year old virgin but that is going to be us we will never have sex In our lives because autistic people and gay people were created to never have sex for population control reasons.


Well, firstly, if you check out the parents' forum here, there are a lot of autistic people there who are parents, and most of them are married. So I wouldn't give up on it just yet.

Secondly, the idea that people who are unlikely to reproduce would be created for 'population control' is ridiculous. Evolution doesn't work that way. A trait that means a person won't pass on their genes will get weeded out pretty fast.

However, passing on your genes doesn't always mean having kids. A full sibling shares the same amount of genes with you as your child would (50%) and so in some circumstances, sacrificing your own reproduction to help siblings survive and reproduce can be an evolutionarily sound strategy. Meerkats, for example, typically have only one breeding pair in the troop, with most of the troop being siblings or offspring of the breeding pair. All the adult meerkats pitch in to help raise the babies, with the females even producing milk without ever having had babies of their own. In the rare circumstances where other females besides the dominant one get pregnant, it can put the lives of all the cubs in jeopardy because there's not enough food to go around. A lot of people think gay people serve a similar purpose, by being good aunts and uncles.

Another theory is that certain traits can help reproduction if you have them to a slight degree and hinder reproduction if they get too pronounced. So a trait controlled by many genes will be selected for in people with a mild to moderate genetic loading, but if someone has a pronounced genetic loading it'll be selected against. In the case of autism, it may be that people with a certain level of autistic traits are more likely to reproduce successfully - for example, a talented musician or artist (who often have autistic traits) might attract a partner with their creative performance. Autistic people can also be better at handling tools and technology, which is an important part of how early humans survived. Autistic traits are also higher in people with gifted-level IQs, and a high IQ can help you survive a situation that a dumber person wouldn't have known what to do.

In any case, modern technology has also greatly loosened up selection requirements for reproduction. Many LGTB couples are having kids using donor sperm or donor eggs & and a surrogate. Autistic people are also finding like-minded people online or in autistic-friendly social niches such as certain workplaces or universities. You said you get along better with autistic women than autistic men - maybe your future partner will be an autistic woman who was afraid no man would ever want her until she found you.



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22 Jan 2016, 1:47 pm

You know it's kind of unusual for a person to know that many autistic people. It sounds like you know more autistic people than I do, and I'm an autism researcher.

It's like how I'm a woman, and then I also have many female friends. Of course I will get sick of the girly-ness of my female friends now and then, but not to the point where I'd go on a rant about them. I'd just be "busy" for awhile when they wanted to hang out. Just take a break from your friends who are getting on your nerves.

And for the record, the outlook you're painting for yourself and other autistic people isn't true. The reason you're having trouble getting a job and in relationships and whatnot has more to do with being young than being autistic. I know this because it's what I research. As you get older all those things will get much easier. Being autistic will help you in most job situations, and stop feeling so awkward in social situations. Just try to be easier on yourself.



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22 Jan 2016, 6:53 pm

I won't let uncontrollable spasms, tics, or involuntary movements annoy me. However, whether someone is autistic or not, if they get on my nerves I won't be around them. Of course they would have to push the right buttons for that to happen. The same applies for people who are just like me..The last thing I want is to find a replica or image of myself who's thought process is identical, always likes exactly what I like. That would drive me insane.



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23 Jan 2016, 1:10 am

For me, the norm is that the autistics I meet are orders of magnitude more successful in life than me, so I don't see failure in them---I see it only in myself. I hate being around autistic people who are perfectly aware of what autistic innate behaviors annoy the hell out of others, and go about their daily lives having learned to curb them, but choose to give them free rein with me, because they can, all the while not tolerating the same from me.


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Yigeren
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23 Jan 2016, 1:34 am

^You must be seriously depressed.



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23 Jan 2016, 3:43 am

Yes, I cannot stand to be around other autistic people (unless they pass), other trans women (unless they pass), people with tics, and stupid dirty homeless freaks. I prefer to avoid interaction altogether in such situations.

Of course, I know that I am destined to be what I hate, if I have not become it already. It fills me with a sense of hopelessness.


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BeyondLogic
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23 Jan 2016, 6:04 pm

Wow, that's crazy because I feel the same way except that I don't loathe myself.

I don't hate other autistic people, I just find them to be extremely annoying and repetitive. But what I do is, I try to learn from their mistakes. Everything that my autistic friends do that annoy me, I take note of and make sure I don't commit the same social mistakes. So, for me, it's like I'm learning from them how other people may have felt in the past when I did certain behaviors that they do and I can understand why I shouldn't do those behaviors. It's helped a lot because I have friends now and have a better idea of how to not be annoying.

Honestly, I think all autistic people should do this or at least try if they want to have any successful social relationships.



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23 Jan 2016, 6:59 pm

You're not a failure. Nature failed you. There is a difference.