For those who have intense people fixations

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QuiversWhiskers
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21 Jan 2016, 11:47 pm

Do your fixations make you feel or think you are creepy or weird because the people you get attached to/obsessed with all have a similar look? Do you feel bad because you wonder if you are a creepy stalker type? Do you also worry that person will die and even though they haven't died, you feel grief for them? And anxiety about them dying without you ever getting to talk to them regularly or them knowing how much you appreciate them?

These are my strongest, most frequent fixations: people. I do have them for other things too, but my default is people and it is always there like an undercurrent or a carrier wave.



AJisHere
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22 Jan 2016, 2:44 am

I do get a bit clingy at times. I wouldn't say I'm fixated, I'd just say my desire to be more social can exceed my current abilities to do so. Sometimes I pick up on a bit of annoyance from friends and acquaintances where they might feel like just going "dude, shut up!" If they actually said that I'd be fine with it, but it's not really an NT thing to do so I just have to watch for it. At times I'll find myself sort of following people around like a lost puppy, but being alone really hurts... so I have to pick up pretty strong signals I'm not welcome before I leave.

I don't know that I can relate to the intensity of what you're feeling, but I can relate to the feeling itself.


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fifasy
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22 Jan 2016, 3:18 pm

I think it's not unusual to keep falling in love with people who look similar. I met a very attractive woman once. She's a model.

Amazingly she is engaged to an Indian man who lives here in the UK and he's the heir to a multi-million textile business.

This man is famous for previously having been the long term partner of actress Elizabeth Hurley. And the attractive model I met looks like a younger Liz Hurley.



obsessingoverobsessions
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23 Jan 2016, 12:09 pm

People think I'm creepy because I cannot stop talking about the person I'm obsessed with (the obsessions change every 6 months to a year) and they label me as a stalker (I am definitely not a stalker), even though I'm kind of trying to make conversation, using the person as a starting point.


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TheAP
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23 Jan 2016, 1:59 pm

I often think that the person would be creeped out if they knew how obsessed I was with them. Also, I often imagine the person's death/suicide as one of the scenarios I like to create.



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25 Jan 2016, 6:37 pm

Does this include uncomfortable negative fixations? I can get very focused on someone who is annoying me, when others would likely just forget it. I can't stand the sound or sight of them, I avoid them in ridiculous ways, go on and on about how much they annoy me and why their behaviour is unacceptable, think they are responsible for every noise that annoys me, get paranoid that every knock on the door is them so I don't answer the door, basically dislike everything about them to a crazy degree and think about it way too much. :(


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Wewnaw
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31 Jan 2016, 6:07 am

I don't know about fixated, but I can occassionally get very clingy and attached to certain people. Happened with the man who is now my husband. Also happens with friends, who either back off because I'm too intense or some how put up with me (not many that do). For instance, I have a work friend who I chat to everyday on messenger, but not much at work, I get frustrated and anxious if a day goes by when she doesn't message me.


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Reboot895
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31 Jan 2016, 7:23 am

I haven't been diagnosed with anything (yet), Im a seeker :-)

I have a tendency to get fixated with certain people. I put them on a pedestal and think about them quite often, I want to socialise with them, get to know them, learn about them, find out what makes them tick, help them, heal their hurt, their pain. I see an inner beauty and I am sure I come on far too strong. But Im sort of aware I come on too strong so Im trying to self-regulate my behaviour so I might be intense for a couple of days then completely back off.

It happened yesterday. I wanted to give someone a CD, but as she was talking to someone else and hadn't said anything directly to me yesterday, I had two reasons not to give her the CD. So I walked away being disappointed and frustrated. First reason being she seemed busy, second reason is me thinking perhaps it best to maintain a bit of professional distance - I don't think I've given her any concern of my behaviour, but I don't know. I think I connect with her quite well, similar personalities, no sexual interest (she's married), but I do find myself asking from time to time if she is hinting at more.

My first thought after, was "I'll text her, say I've got a CD to give to her". Then I think that might sound a bit creepy and actually like Im obsessed.

But it's the only way for me I think to stop being obsessed, to actually get through the phase and get to a normal friendship.

Im largely sure that this kind of thinking isn't right.

What happens with these people, I start catastrophising. So anytime I hear someone can't turn up to the group, I start wondering if they're having trouble in their marriage! I start looking for signs that someone may want me to do something. But I don't get those signs. I simply can't be sure.

I have problems don't I?



QuiversWhiskers
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03 Feb 2016, 11:54 pm

TheAP wrote:
I often think that the person would be creeped out if they knew how obsessed I was with them. Also, I often imagine the person's death/suicide as one of the scenarios I like to create.


One of my biggest fears when I was younger was that whoever I was stuck on would find out. I thought they'd somehow be able to tell just by talking to me. Now I understand they probably can't tell. I don't usually talk about it to anyone and when I do I refrain from mentioning names. And people always say, "That's normal to have fixations on people, especially famous people and to want to be like someone you really like." It makes me think they have no idea in the world how strong these things are and they seem to have no clue at all that this is something I do pretty much constantly. CONSTANTLY to the point that it interferes with my life and relationships with the people I am actually with.



QuiversWhiskers
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04 Feb 2016, 12:05 am

C2V wrote:
Does this include uncomfortable negative fixations? I can get very focused on someone who is annoying me, when others would likely just forget it. I can't stand the sound or sight of them, I avoid them in ridiculous ways, go on and on about how much they annoy me and why their behaviour is unacceptable, think they are responsible for every noise that annoys me, get paranoid that every knock on the door is them so I don't answer the door, basically dislike everything about them to a crazy degree and think about it way too much. :(


I have had this with my sister :D . And I actually have had it with others but feel guilty for saying things about them and also have a heavy streak of people-pleasing so it doesn't show. Come to think of it, I used to feed off of these thoughts and sensations of anger and annoyance I had towards them. My mom whom I strongly suspect is on the spectrum (I have good reasons to believe both of my parents are) also does this. I don't think she gets energy and motivation from it, but when she obsesses over people, it is usually in a very negative way. Or at least those are the ones I hear about. They last for years and years. I don't know that I'd call it a grudge though. Grudge seems more intentional to me. My mom's are more perseverative and so are mine.

I wonder if most people are more comfortable expressing their negative fixations than their positive ones because for some reason in our society, it is more acceptable to obsess negatively than to obsess positively over someone else? That obsessing positively over someone else is seen as a threat to the object person's autonomy and independence?



QuiversWhiskers
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04 Feb 2016, 12:09 am

obsessingoverobsessions wrote:
People think I'm creepy because I cannot stop talking about the person I'm obsessed with (the obsessions change every 6 months to a year) and they label me as a stalker (I am definitely not a stalker), even though I'm kind of trying to make conversation, using the person as a starting point.


I am sorry this happens to you. They don't understand that these things are innocent interests. People fixations so often come up in the news in a very negative light that deep interest and violence have become connected in the societal hum.



QuiversWhiskers
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04 Feb 2016, 12:15 am

AJisHere wrote:
I do get a bit clingy at times. I wouldn't say I'm fixated, I'd just say my desire to be more social can exceed my current abilities to do so. Sometimes I pick up on a bit of annoyance from friends and acquaintances where they might feel like just going "dude, shut up!" If they actually said that I'd be fine with it, but it's not really an NT thing to do so I just have to watch for it. At times I'll find myself sort of following people around like a lost puppy, but being alone really hurts... so I have to pick up pretty strong signals I'm not welcome before I leave.

I don't know that I can relate to the intensity of what you're feeling, but I can relate to the feeling itself.


Thanks! I know what you mean except in the past I kept quiet with the intense fear of crossing some line I couldn't see or not being able to tell if I was welcome or wanted or not. I had to come up with good reasons to approach people before I could really justify reaching out to them and usually it was to benefit them in some way. I admire your seeming lack of concern or fear of other people's reactions and opinions. That you respect yourself in such a way as to be yourself as much as you can.



QuiversWhiskers
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04 Feb 2016, 12:19 am

Wewnaw wrote:
I don't know about fixated, but I can occassionally get very clingy and attached to certain people. Happened with the man who is now my husband. Also happens with friends, who either back off because I'm too intense or some how put up with me (not many that do). For instance, I have a work friend who I chat to everyday on messenger, but not much at work, I get frustrated and anxious if a day goes by when she doesn't message me.


Same with my husband (feels weird to say that but I am now able to use that word more because I am now understanding what it means in a marriage after nearly 10 years of marriage). I had an obsessive crush on him for I think 10 years before we got married. I didn't have very many crushes and the ones I did have were very intense though I kept it to myself.



QuiversWhiskers
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04 Feb 2016, 12:23 am

Reboot, I will reply to your post. I think I burned myself out on this topic for the moment, making these other replies.



nick007
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05 Feb 2016, 4:30 am

I had strong obsessions with my 1st two girlfriends & the iCarly star, Miranda Cosgrove. I kind of worried I would appear as a stalker when I talked about them on other forums. I did worry about bad things happening to them before I started taking medication for my OCD.


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