Would you date someone you didn't want to marry?

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Would you date someone you didn't want to marry?
Yes 65%  65%  [ 32 ]
No 35%  35%  [ 17 ]
Total votes : 49

Idealist
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13 Feb 2016, 3:51 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Non_Passerine wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Nope. Now it they had something that I was attracted to such as a great personality or the same beliefs, then I would because I might end up falling in love with them and then want to marry them.


Don't you have to fall in love before you start dating someone?


No. You date first.


To be fair, it could happen either way.


Or none of the ways. You could fall in love with somebody and never date them, rather go straight into a relationship.



How can you fall in love without dating? Unless you two are friends & you fall in love with your friend.

Ever heard of love at first sight? It might seem a little dated nowadays, but it still happens.


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Kitty4670
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13 Feb 2016, 9:15 pm

Can you really fall in love at love at first sight?


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Kitty4670
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13 Feb 2016, 9:36 pm

Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Non_Passerine wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Nope. Now it they had something that I was attracted to such as a great personality or the same beliefs, then I would because I might end up falling in love with them and then want to marry them.


Don't you have to fall in love before you start dating someone?


No. You date first.


To be fair, it could happen either way.


Or none of the ways. You could fall in love with somebody and never date them, rather go straight into a relationship.



How can you fall in love without dating? Unless you two are friends & you fall in love with your friend.

Ever heard of love at first sight? It might seem a little dated nowadays, but it still happens.



Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?


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Idealist
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13 Feb 2016, 10:30 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Idealist wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Non_Passerine wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Nope. Now it they had something that I was attracted to such as a great personality or the same beliefs, then I would because I might end up falling in love with them and then want to marry them.
Don't you have to fall in love before you start dating someone?
No. You date first.
To be fair, it could happen either way.
Or none of the ways. You could fall in love with somebody and never date them, rather go straight into a relationship.
How can you fall in love without dating? Unless you two are friends & you fall in love with your friend.
Ever heard of love at first sight? It might seem a little dated nowadays, but it still happens.
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.


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yellowtamarin
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14 Feb 2016, 1:30 am

Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.



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14 Feb 2016, 2:25 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


I don't understand. I have a crush on this guy, sometimes it feel like love, but most of the time it is attraction, I am very attractive to him.

Maybe people love the idea of being in love & get confuse.


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14 Feb 2016, 3:07 am

Kitty4670 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


I don't understand. I have a crush on this guy, sometimes it feel like love, but most of the time it is attraction, I am very attractive to him.

Maybe people love the idea of being in love & get confuse.

Generally I think they get confused by the emotions. Hormones are going crazy and attraction can feel really strong, despite possibly barely knowing the person. I've mistaken the lust/giddy phase for love a couple of times. It is more clear in hindsight than it is in the moment.



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14 Feb 2016, 3:50 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


I completely agree with this. Attraction is when you first start to realise that the other person is attractive to you. Sometimes it's just about how they look and their mannerisms. Then as you start to get to know who they are over time love can develop.

Although I am more practical about it. I think that love is when it's not just chemicals, but their are logical reasons you like them. Maybe they've helped you through a problem. Or you've shared good things together. Or you've worked on something together and you were a good team. I can't think of anything less vague to say because these scenarios are personal to each of us.

Attraction is the initial stage. Over time you form a stronger bond as you work well as a team. As you face problems together and overcome them together. Then the attraction isn't as superficial. You start to love the deeper things in what makes them who them who they are.


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14 Feb 2016, 4:06 am

Specifically marry? Not necessarily. But I have no interest in flings, only committed relationships.



eric76
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14 Feb 2016, 4:12 am

I've never had a date with someone I did want to marry.



rdos
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14 Feb 2016, 4:41 am

hurtloam wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


I completely agree with this. Attraction is when you first start to realise that the other person is attractive to you. Sometimes it's just about how they look and their mannerisms. Then as you start to get to know who they are over time love can develop.

Although I am more practical about it. I think that love is when it's not just chemicals, but their are logical reasons you like them. Maybe they've helped you through a problem. Or you've shared good things together. Or you've worked on something together and you were a good team. I can't think of anything less vague to say because these scenarios are personal to each of us.

Attraction is the initial stage. Over time you form a stronger bond as you work well as a team. As you face problems together and overcome them together. Then the attraction isn't as superficial. You start to love the deeper things in what makes them who them who they are.


I disagree. For me, attraction is about physical appearance, sexual desirability and possibly socially desirable traits, but the chemicals in the brain are related to infatuation, which has no link to any of those. Also, in the natural process, infatuation is replaced with attachment (a strong bond), and this process is automatic and doesn't require any matching traits whatsoever.

Because infatuation is built with brain chemicals, it doesn't require you to know anything about the other person to happen. It just needs to be triggered in some way. Also, since asexual people can still get an infatuation in the absence of sexual attraction, that means sexual attraction is not necessary to trigger infatuation (a crush).



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14 Feb 2016, 4:49 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


At least for me, the feelings are strongest before I know somebody well. That's infatuation (a crush). After I've seen them regularly for a while, it feels more like a strong friendship. I get used to them and like their company. I'm also quite sure that it is infatuation that triggers oxytocin and the very strong feelings associated with a crush, while the bonding process works in another way and isn't related to those hormones.



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14 Feb 2016, 5:00 am

rdos wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
Idealist wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
Yes, I heard about love at first sight. How can you fall in love without really knowing them?

Sometimes you choose to love someone, other times love chooses for you, it can be as simple as that.

But love requires certain chemicals that, as far as I know, aren't produced that quickly. They are produced in later stages of the attraction/attachment process after you have gotten comfortable with the person.

Basic attraction, like, or lust can often be confused with love in the early stages (and if you end up staying with that person you can claim it was really love without much opposition), but I'm not sure it can actually exist? Perhaps some people's hormones work differently and serotonin and oxytocin can be produced early on, but they would be anomalies.

Or perhaps people use the word "love" to mean any part of the attraction process. In which case sure, love within the first few minutes of meeting someone is possible. I personally call that attraction, not love.


At least for me, the feelings are strongest before I know somebody well. That's infatuation (a crush). After I've seen them regularly for a while, it feels more like a strong friendship. I get used to them and like their company. I'm also quite sure that it is infatuation that triggers oxytocin and the very strong feelings associated with a crush, while the bonding process works in another way and isn't related to those hormones.

I could be wrong but I thought the earlier chemicals at play were testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, and adrenaline (crush/lust). Then serotonin (can't stop thinking about you!), then finally oxytocin (lurve) which is the real bonding one and emerges after the others have settled down (hence you don't get it early on).



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14 Feb 2016, 5:07 am

I don't want to marry anyway so yes.

I think it is bizarre idea not dating someone unless you want to marry them. Either you want to marry a lot of people or you haven't thought it through.



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14 Feb 2016, 5:26 am

0_equals_true wrote:
I don't want to marry anyway so yes.

I think it is bizarre idea not dating someone unless you want to marry them. Either you want to marry a lot of people or you haven't thought it through.


People who stick with the "I'll only date you if I see serious relationship potential in you" don't date people they've just just met. If on first meeting a person they feel an attraction they don't jump in right then and ask them out. They wait. They observe the person over time. Maybe they invite the other person to join in with their friends just hanging out. They learn about the other person and when they are sure that there is something of substance there and their feelings haven't fizzled out then they make a move

That method used to frustrate me because all I could see was a load of wimps too scared to take a chance, but started to gradually fall for a friend who I had been initially attracted to when we met years ago and then I understood. Sometimes that initial spark grows into something you didn't even expect.


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