Compromising Myself?

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My mum thinks that I need to be more social, but I've survived four years of high school by being kind and friendly to people. I want to stop doing Karate for various reasons [I have a blue belt], but I'm not sure she'll be so accepting of that idea. I detest clocks, and dates, and schedules, and rigidness in planning, but mum says that I just have to live with it because that's the way things are. According to several New Age spiritualists, things like that will eventually change, but in the meantime, I want to please my mum and make her happy, but I know that that's not healthy. I'm confused because if I did conform, I would not longer be following my nature and intuition. *sigh* Could someone help?

I'm not entirely sure what these "New Age Spiritualists" are, but I'd take their opinions with a grain of salt.

^Well, I believe them, but let's not go there.

I think all you can usefully do is to look at the nature of the parts of the world you want / need to interact with, and try to determine whether any compromising will be needed in order for you to get by. I've avoided a lot of compromising by avoiding mainstream society as much as possible, but I couldn't have done that in the world of work. Depends on the nature of the job you do, I guess there are some hippie-type jobs out there that might suit you. Clocks and schedules are worth knowing about, sometimes it's the only practical way to arrange a thing, and simply complying with a schedule isn't necessarily compromising yourself, it's just a matter of behaving slightly out of character for a while. I sympathise with the reluctance though. I hate deadlines, I worry a lot about whether or not I'll be late, and I have to put a lot of thought and energy into trying to make sure I'm on time. I do very well, but it's an unwanted anxiety and a big distraction from my "real life."

I'm going to become a writer. Would it help if you repeat to yourself: I will be on time; and trust that you will be on time whenever you need to be? Maybe that would help your anxiety.

^Oh. Oh well. I can't stand timers or alarms, so I manage without them somehow.

If you don't want to do karate anymore then just explain to your mother why you don't, even if it's as simple as "I don't enjoy it anymore" that should be a sufficient enough reason.
I'm going to gloss over the New Age stuff and just state that for various reasons and for the foreseeable future we are still going to be dependent on time, schedules and planning for many things. That's not to say that your whole life has to be rigidly set to schedules and plans, but some things will inevitably need to be planned in order for them to happen.
Compromise is an inescapable part of life, sometimes in order to get the things you want, you have do somethings you don't want to do.

I'm very dependent on clocks and schedules; if I don't know exactly when something is happening or when I have to be somewhere, I get very anxious, and if I don't know what time it is almost all the time, I feel disconnected from reality, like time has stopped or is fluctuating. It feels very disorienting, like I'm bobbing on a raft in the middle of the ocean, with no landmarks to orient my place or direction. I've worn a watch pretty much 24/7 from the time I was 13. I even sleep with it on in case I wake up one morning and forget to put it on before I go out.

Concerning your compromise, just telling your mom you're not interested in karate anymore shouldn't be too disasterous. If she's worried about you making friends or being social, you can just tell her you're comfortable where you are socially right now. Other than that, as long as you're on time for the appointments that matter, you can live disregarding time pretty much as you please.

Oh, and one more thing. A "compromise" is what happens when two people give up something they want to meet at an agreeable place in the middle. You're compromising by adhering to your mother's view of the importance of time and schedules, but what is she compromising on?

^Thanks for the advice, Seven of Nine! Well... yes, that's true. I initially thought that my mum was giving up feeling good to worry about me, but now I'm not so sure...*shrug* Maybe I'll write my mum a letter.

Your mother can't MAKE you do karate!

Are you 18 yet? If so....she REALLY can't make you do karate.

If you were my daughter, I'd be proud of you. You don't get into trouble. You like to write. You're kind and decent.

I wouldn't like it, though, if you didn't opt to go to University.

^Well, I mean, I've been doing Karate for years, so I kind of got a 'stay for the loyalty and honor' mentality. I'm seventeen, but i'll be eighteen sooner than later. I might see if there's a Tai Chi club at the university I'm going to...

Why would your parents object to Tai Chi, as opposed to karate?

^No, it's not that they would object to Tai Chi at all; it's that I'm a blue belt, which is only two belts away from black, and my Sensei and Sempai and my mum kind of expect me to grade for my brown and black belts. I detest gradings because I try so hard I nearly incapacitate myself, and karate isn't as fun/enjoyable as it used to be. Sorry for the long rant!

You did lots better than me!

When I was 9, my parents tried putting me in karate. I didn't take to it. I was clumsy. I was uncoordinated. I didn't get past white belt.

I think blue belt is pretty good. I think your parents should think so, too.

Have a mature talk with your mother. Tell her that you'd rather go for Tai Chi. How good is your relationship with your mother?