Something I wrote, concerning VT
Here's something I wrote, concerning the VT tragedy, for a blog in another website. You guys can tell me how well you think I did.
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I've been thinking a bit about what happened in Virginia this past week.
Not a lot... I mean, it didn't affect me personally. (Though my condolences to whomever's reading this if it did you. I certainly recognize it was a tragedy, for a lot of people...)
And I don't generally get overly emotional about things.
Which makes me about as far from this guy as you can possibly get, because obviously the guy was seething with anger and bitterness. And anger is an emotion I just don't understand, and try to avoid as much as possible. It actually confuses me, more than anything else.
So you're all safe.
(Dorks. )
But something about the shootings has been bugging me.
Because like this guy, I'm often called "creepy."
Now, I've recently come to the realization that I'm mostly called that because most people don't have all that big a vocabulary. They can't distinguish between "quirky," "eccentric," "odd," "unconventional," "peculiar," and "quaint" ... the only word they know is "creepy." So they lump everyone who's different than they are into that category. (Reminds me of NewSpeak from 1984 and the reduction of words to control thought. ... if you've read the book, you'll understand. If you never read the book - well, chances are you're one of the people that call me "creepy." )
Anyway, I digress.
Here's this guy, he's been in this country most of his life. Now he's in a college, full of hundreds of people.
And he's a loner.
According to news stories, as I said, people thought he was creepy. And his writings were disturbing. Obviously, he had a lot of anger issues, too.
But did anyone ever actually try to reach out to him? Did anyone ever try to be a friend, say, "hey, how's it going, care to hang out with us?"
I supposed not. He was undoubtedly shunned, left out of social events, mocked, made fun of, ostracized.
Sounds awful familiar to me.
And people wonder why he was a loner.
And people wonder why he was angry. Wouldn't you be just a little bit angry, if everyone treated you that way, just because you weren't a carbon copy of everyone else, just because you were a little bit different?
Maybe if he had just one friend in the world, that actually gave a damn, none of what happened in Virginia would have happened. Maybe they would have cheered him up, brought him out of his pit of anger and despair, got him to see that there were people in the world that cared about him and were worth caring about. Or at least would have seen the warning signs and gotten him to someone who could help him, or told someone they were concerned about him.
Could it possibly be our own insular society, our own "you're not a part of my herd" mentality, that led to this tragic event?
Perhaps it's time to take a look at our associations, and even how we associate, and maybe look outside of our own comfort zone. Reach out to a neighbor who's just a little bit different than us, give them a friendly hug, say "how the hell are you."
Who knows? Maybe you might prevent the next Virginia Tech tragedy.
At the very least, you might actually make a new friend.
I think you're very right, in that a lot of people don't understand various nuances of "different." I'm from CO, and the day after Columbine, several of my middle school classmates apologized for being so mean to me (a few of them apologized for grievances I hadn't even been aware of, which was...thoughtful?) The fact that they would associate my "different-ness" with the shooters' "different-ness" was mindboggling...
Overall, I really like what you said. I think it's always important to try to connect with people...esp the "different" ones. They're usually the most interesting, anyways.
Unless they're trying to hurt you. Still interesting, but in the bad "get help now" way.
I think the fellow had asperger's. I think he couldn't communicate well and it all went down hill for him. Maybe he didn't speak english until after he arrived here? Maybe his family lived in fear. Yes...I know not communicating isn't an "aspies" sign; however, communication is more than talking...it's understanding those signals.
I've had to train myself to understand when people are being friendly or wanting to be friends.
I've had relatives that live in constant fear; and it creeps into how the other family members react and live their lives. It can be terribly debilitating.
Someone said we are all pack animals. To a degree...I think yes. Until we are seperated and understand how hard life really is.
Very well said, Jonny! I laughed at your "creepy" dorks comment.
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I've been thinking a bit about what happened in Virginia this past week.
Not a lot... I mean, it didn't affect me personally. (Though my condolences to whomever's reading this if it did you. I certainly recognize it was a tragedy, for a lot of people...)
And I don't generally get overly emotional about things.
Which makes me about as far from this guy as you can possibly get, because obviously the guy was seething with anger and bitterness. And anger is an emotion I just don't understand, and try to avoid as much as possible. It actually confuses me, more than anything else.
So you're all safe.
(Dorks. )
But something about the shootings has been bugging me.
Because like this guy, I'm often called "creepy."
Now, I've recently come to the realization that I'm mostly called that because most people don't have all that big a vocabulary. They can't distinguish between "quirky," "eccentric," "odd," "unconventional," "peculiar," and "quaint" ... the only word they know is "creepy." So they lump everyone who's different than they are into that category. (Reminds me of NewSpeak from 1984 and the reduction of words to control thought. ... if you've read the book, you'll understand. If you never read the book - well, chances are you're one of the people that call me "creepy." )
Anyway, I digress.
Here's this guy, he's been in this country most of his life. Now he's in a college, full of hundreds of people.
And he's a loner.
According to news stories, as I said, people thought he was creepy. And his writings were disturbing. Obviously, he had a lot of anger issues, too.
But did anyone ever actually try to reach out to him? Did anyone ever try to be a friend, say, "hey, how's it going, care to hang out with us?"
I supposed not. He was undoubtedly shunned, left out of social events, mocked, made fun of, ostracized.
Sounds awful familiar to me.
And people wonder why he was a loner.
And people wonder why he was angry. Wouldn't you be just a little bit angry, if everyone treated you that way, just because you weren't a carbon copy of everyone else, just because you were a little bit different?
Maybe if he had just one friend in the world, that actually gave a damn, none of what happened in Virginia would have happened. Maybe they would have cheered him up, brought him out of his pit of anger and despair, got him to see that there were people in the world that cared about him and were worth caring about. Or at least would have seen the warning signs and gotten him to someone who could help him, or told someone they were concerned about him.
Could it possibly be our own insular society, our own "you're not a part of my herd" mentality, that led to this tragic event?
Perhaps it's time to take a look at our associations, and even how we associate, and maybe look outside of our own comfort zone. Reach out to a neighbor who's just a little bit different than us, give them a friendly hug, say "how the hell are you."
Who knows? Maybe you might prevent the next Virginia Tech tragedy.
At the very least, you might actually make a new friend.
I would caution against expecting the NTs around you to pick up hints that you may feel lonely or left out. Being a NT doesn't confer psychic powers (I don't think), or give the responsibility for the happiness of those around them. Yes, it would be nice for people to be nicer, but everyone around you has limitations and problems of thier own. I have almost always been alone, and felt it deeply, the word "friend" on every TV commercial made me weep at times. I'm 40 now, and still feel like I'm missing out on something, but I have never blamed anyone for excluding me. I am "different", and the world is naturally attracted to "sames". Anyway enough about me, and I hope you find peace, it can only be found within YOU.
I posted this on another forum page, I think it relates to this as well.
I always feel a chill when a violent criminal is described as a "loner". My aspie son (15, a freshman) is a loner as am I and my father before me, and my husband to a degree. I always thought it was unfair for the word "loner" to be used as a declaration of guilt, proof of something terribly wrong. There are many reasons for wanting to be alone, and countless degrees between seeking solitude and commiting homicide.
I have read that new "measures" will be taken to provide psychiatric help for those who seem to need it, and I hope this does not end up as a way to segregate the loners and fringe dwellers.
My fear is that my son will now be not only alone, but also viewed as a threat
Exactly! More crimes are committed by people who have friends, so why don't we hear the collective, "Oooohhhhh, now we understand," when those people get in trouble. Of course, I guess we do, to some extent, when they're described as "running with the wrong crowd."
I realize that, but some people go out of their way to actively, and sometimes aggressively, exclude.
Yes, you're right. I'll never understand NT's! Whenever I'm in a group of people who are actually including me in some way, I'm always on the lookout for someone who is on the fringes, who might need help. I don't know if it's because I'm so often the outsider or what. Anyway, I'll help the new person by including them in the group. Inevitably, I end up as an outsider, and no one ever seems to be there to return the favor.
A number of news reports state several people attempted to befriend Cho including his roommate. He rebuffed all of them.
How can you make up excuses for a man you didn't know?
there are a number of nice people here (at WP) with no friends. I don't think they are about to kill a whole lot of people. Having no friends doesn't make you a psycopathic killer.
While I think most people are inherently good, I think there are some who are just born bad.
I don't know about Cho. I haven't followed details in the news and I don't intend to.
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I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
Strewth!