Page 1 of 1 [ 16 posts ] 

JonnyBGoode
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 820
Location: Long Beach, CA

18 Apr 2007, 7:15 pm

Here's something I wrote, concerning the VT tragedy, for a blog in another website. You guys can tell me how well you think I did.
______________________________

I've been thinking a bit about what happened in Virginia this past week.

Not a lot... I mean, it didn't affect me personally. (Though my condolences to whomever's reading this if it did you. I certainly recognize it was a tragedy, for a lot of people...)

And I don't generally get overly emotional about things.

Which makes me about as far from this guy as you can possibly get, because obviously the guy was seething with anger and bitterness. And anger is an emotion I just don't understand, and try to avoid as much as possible. It actually confuses me, more than anything else.

So you're all safe. :P

(Dorks. :x)

But something about the shootings has been bugging me.

Because like this guy, I'm often called "creepy."

Now, I've recently come to the realization that I'm mostly called that because most people don't have all that big a vocabulary. They can't distinguish between "quirky," "eccentric," "odd," "unconventional," "peculiar," and "quaint" ... the only word they know is "creepy." So they lump everyone who's different than they are into that category. (Reminds me of NewSpeak from 1984 and the reduction of words to control thought. ... if you've read the book, you'll understand. If you never read the book - well, chances are you're one of the people that call me "creepy." )

Anyway, I digress.

Here's this guy, he's been in this country most of his life. Now he's in a college, full of hundreds of people.

And he's a loner.

According to news stories, as I said, people thought he was creepy. And his writings were disturbing. Obviously, he had a lot of anger issues, too.

But did anyone ever actually try to reach out to him? Did anyone ever try to be a friend, say, "hey, how's it going, care to hang out with us?"

I supposed not. He was undoubtedly shunned, left out of social events, mocked, made fun of, ostracized.

Sounds awful familiar to me.

And people wonder why he was a loner.

And people wonder why he was angry. Wouldn't you be just a little bit angry, if everyone treated you that way, just because you weren't a carbon copy of everyone else, just because you were a little bit different?

Maybe if he had just one friend in the world, that actually gave a damn, none of what happened in Virginia would have happened. Maybe they would have cheered him up, brought him out of his pit of anger and despair, got him to see that there were people in the world that cared about him and were worth caring about. Or at least would have seen the warning signs and gotten him to someone who could help him, or told someone they were concerned about him.

Could it possibly be our own insular society, our own "you're not a part of my herd" mentality, that led to this tragic event?

Perhaps it's time to take a look at our associations, and even how we associate, and maybe look outside of our own comfort zone. Reach out to a neighbor who's just a little bit different than us, give them a friendly hug, say "how the hell are you."

Who knows? Maybe you might prevent the next Virginia Tech tragedy.

At the very least, you might actually make a new friend.



foxman
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 17 Apr 2007
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 425

18 Apr 2007, 7:30 pm

I think you're very right, in that a lot of people don't understand various nuances of "different." I'm from CO, and the day after Columbine, several of my middle school classmates apologized for being so mean to me (a few of them apologized for grievances I hadn't even been aware of, which was...thoughtful?) The fact that they would associate my "different-ness" with the shooters' "different-ness" was mindboggling...

Overall, I really like what you said. I think it's always important to try to connect with people...esp the "different" ones. They're usually the most interesting, anyways.

Unless they're trying to hurt you. Still interesting, but in the bad "get help now" way.



Anser
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 12

18 Apr 2007, 7:42 pm

Edited



Last edited by Anser on 18 Apr 2007, 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jimservo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jun 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,964
Location: Philadelphia Suburbs

18 Apr 2007, 7:58 pm

JonnyBGoode wrote:
Because like this guy, I'm often called "creepy."


You didn't kill 32 people. Or one person. That is what separates us from him.



JonnyBGoode
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 820
Location: Long Beach, CA

18 Apr 2007, 8:04 pm

Agreed. Doesn't change the fact I'm lumped into the same label by most NTs.



Cordelia
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 136

18 Apr 2007, 9:22 pm

I think the fellow had asperger's. I think he couldn't communicate well and it all went down hill for him. Maybe he didn't speak english until after he arrived here? Maybe his family lived in fear. Yes...I know not communicating isn't an "aspies" sign; however, communication is more than talking...it's understanding those signals.

I've had to train myself to understand when people are being friendly or wanting to be friends.

I've had relatives that live in constant fear; and it creeps into how the other family members react and live their lives. It can be terribly debilitating.

Someone said we are all pack animals. To a degree...I think yes. Until we are seperated and understand how hard life really is.



kiki3
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 468

18 Apr 2007, 10:11 pm

Very well said, Jonny! I laughed at your "creepy" dorks comment. :wink:

JonnyBGoode wrote:
Here's something I wrote, concerning the VT tragedy, for a blog in another website. You guys can tell me how well you think I did.
______________________________

I've been thinking a bit about what happened in Virginia this past week.

Not a lot... I mean, it didn't affect me personally. (Though my condolences to whomever's reading this if it did you. I certainly recognize it was a tragedy, for a lot of people...)

And I don't generally get overly emotional about things.

Which makes me about as far from this guy as you can possibly get, because obviously the guy was seething with anger and bitterness. And anger is an emotion I just don't understand, and try to avoid as much as possible. It actually confuses me, more than anything else.

So you're all safe. :P

(Dorks. :x)

But something about the shootings has been bugging me.

Because like this guy, I'm often called "creepy."

Now, I've recently come to the realization that I'm mostly called that because most people don't have all that big a vocabulary. They can't distinguish between "quirky," "eccentric," "odd," "unconventional," "peculiar," and "quaint" ... the only word they know is "creepy." So they lump everyone who's different than they are into that category. (Reminds me of NewSpeak from 1984 and the reduction of words to control thought. ... if you've read the book, you'll understand. If you never read the book - well, chances are you're one of the people that call me "creepy." )

Anyway, I digress.

Here's this guy, he's been in this country most of his life. Now he's in a college, full of hundreds of people.

And he's a loner.

According to news stories, as I said, people thought he was creepy. And his writings were disturbing. Obviously, he had a lot of anger issues, too.

But did anyone ever actually try to reach out to him? Did anyone ever try to be a friend, say, "hey, how's it going, care to hang out with us?"

I supposed not. He was undoubtedly shunned, left out of social events, mocked, made fun of, ostracized.

Sounds awful familiar to me.

And people wonder why he was a loner.

And people wonder why he was angry. Wouldn't you be just a little bit angry, if everyone treated you that way, just because you weren't a carbon copy of everyone else, just because you were a little bit different?

Maybe if he had just one friend in the world, that actually gave a damn, none of what happened in Virginia would have happened. Maybe they would have cheered him up, brought him out of his pit of anger and despair, got him to see that there were people in the world that cared about him and were worth caring about. Or at least would have seen the warning signs and gotten him to someone who could help him, or told someone they were concerned about him.

Could it possibly be our own insular society, our own "you're not a part of my herd" mentality, that led to this tragic event?

Perhaps it's time to take a look at our associations, and even how we associate, and maybe look outside of our own comfort zone. Reach out to a neighbor who's just a little bit different than us, give them a friendly hug, say "how the hell are you."

Who knows? Maybe you might prevent the next Virginia Tech tragedy.

At the very least, you might actually make a new friend.



Esperanza
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 834
Location: Paradise

18 Apr 2007, 10:15 pm

beautifully written.



JonnyBGoode
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 820
Location: Long Beach, CA

19 Apr 2007, 1:56 am

I'm not absolving the guy from personal responsibility. He's not the victim here, what he did was monstrous. So nobody get me wrong. I just think the way people treated him could have contributed.



Cordelia
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 136

19 Apr 2007, 6:23 am

yeah, thanks for writing what I wish I could say.



scootermom
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 19 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 7

19 Apr 2007, 11:39 am

I would caution against expecting the NTs around you to pick up hints that you may feel lonely or left out. Being a NT doesn't confer psychic powers (I don't think), or give the responsibility for the happiness of those around them. Yes, it would be nice for people to be nicer, but everyone around you has limitations and problems of thier own. I have almost always been alone, and felt it deeply, the word "friend" on every TV commercial made me weep at times. I'm 40 now, and still feel like I'm missing out on something, but I have never blamed anyone for excluding me. I am "different", and the world is naturally attracted to "sames". Anyway enough about me, and I hope you find peace, it can only be found within YOU.

I posted this on another forum page, I think it relates to this as well.

I always feel a chill when a violent criminal is described as a "loner". My aspie son (15, a freshman) is a loner as am I and my father before me, and my husband to a degree. I always thought it was unfair for the word "loner" to be used as a declaration of guilt, proof of something terribly wrong. There are many reasons for wanting to be alone, and countless degrees between seeking solitude and commiting homicide.

I have read that new "measures" will be taken to provide psychiatric help for those who seem to need it, and I hope this does not end up as a way to segregate the loners and fringe dwellers.

My fear is that my son will now be not only alone, but also viewed as a threat



kiki3
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 468

19 Apr 2007, 11:47 am

Quote:
I always feel a chill when a violent criminal is described as a "loner". My aspie son (15, a freshman) is a loner as am I and my father before me, and my husband to a degree. I always thought it was unfair for the word "loner" to be used as a declaration of guilt, proof of something terribly wrong. There are many reasons for wanting to be alone, and countless degrees between seeking solitude and commiting homicide.


Exactly! More crimes are committed by people who have friends, so why don't we hear the collective, "Oooohhhhh, now we understand," when those people get in trouble. Of course, I guess we do, to some extent, when they're described as "running with the wrong crowd."



JonnyBGoode
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 820
Location: Long Beach, CA

19 Apr 2007, 11:53 am

scootermom wrote:
I would caution against expecting the NTs around you to pick up hints that you may feel lonely or left out. Being a NT doesn't confer psychic powers (I don't think), or give the responsibility for the happiness of those around them.

I realize that, but some people go out of their way to actively, and sometimes aggressively, exclude.



kiki3
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 31 Mar 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 468

19 Apr 2007, 12:12 pm

Quote:
I realize that, but some people go out of their way to actively, and sometimes aggressively, exclude.


Yes, you're right. I'll never understand NT's! Whenever I'm in a group of people who are actually including me in some way, I'm always on the lookout for someone who is on the fringes, who might need help. I don't know if it's because I'm so often the outsider or what. Anyway, I'll help the new person by including them in the group. Inevitably, I end up as an outsider, and no one ever seems to be there to return the favor.



Ticker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2006
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,955

23 Apr 2007, 2:42 am

JonnyBGoode wrote:
Maybe if he had just one friend in the world, that actually gave a damn, none of what happened in Virginia would have happened. Maybe they would have cheered him up, brought him out of his pit of anger and despair, got him to see that there were people in the world that cared about him and were worth caring about. Or at least would have seen the warning signs and gotten him to someone who could help him, or told someone they were concerned about him.



A number of news reports state several people attempted to befriend Cho including his roommate. He rebuffed all of them.

How can you make up excuses for a man you didn't know?



BazzaMcKenzie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Aug 2006
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,495
Location: the Antipodes

23 Apr 2007, 10:13 pm

there are a number of nice people here (at WP) with no friends. I don't think they are about to kill a whole lot of people. Having no friends doesn't make you a psycopathic killer.

While I think most people are inherently good, I think there are some who are just born bad.

I don't know about Cho. I haven't followed details in the news and I don't intend to.


_________________
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.
Strewth!