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Reboot895
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31 Jan 2016, 2:41 pm

How do you handle people who don't reply to your text message? Im talking in a Aspie to NT sense here, so if you (an Aspie) texts someone who is NT, what goes through your mind when that person doesn't reply?



Amarvilasx
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31 Jan 2016, 7:42 pm

That the person:
1 is asleep, driving, watching a movie or their battery died and they can't text you back at the moment.
2. They lost their phone for a day or two
3. Is really busy at work
4. Doesn't wanna be your friend. Sorry.



Fnord
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31 Jan 2016, 7:46 pm

Reboot895 wrote:
How do you handle people who don't reply to your text message? Im talking in a Aspie to NT sense here, so if you (an Aspie) texts someone who is NT, what goes through your mind when that person doesn't reply?
I stop texting them until they text me.


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31 Jan 2016, 7:55 pm

I just assume they're dead and remove them from my contact list.


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Reboot895
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01 Feb 2016, 2:43 am

OK. Not like me then.

I confess, I can be quite insecure. Unless there's been a pattern of friendship and there's history, then I have a tendency to get a little bit insecure, especially if you happen to be the friend of the day.

I worry I've said something, done something, come on too strong... or not said something, not done something, been too weak... I need that little bit of reinforcement.

But I find this really unfair on my existing friends, because Im talking about these people that Im trying to be better friends with almost at the exclusion of my longstanding friends.

I don't know why I get insecure. I guess because Im getting no feedback in some social situations. I can't confirm if Im doing the right thing. I guess there's a certain amount of distrust in the object where potentially you can't trust what people say, they have to show you as well. And their feedback needs to be regular, sustained. I guess there's a certain distrust in myself - how do others see me?

As a seeker, how much of this might tie into Aspergers/Autism vs anything else?

From the replies above, Im guessing this kind of thinking isn't common place?



Destiny Lee
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01 Feb 2016, 1:19 pm

Hi, I too am looking to see if this might be an autistic trait. There is a friend I care about, but he is not one to return a text or call most of the time. But, he always says to keep in touch on the rare occasions that he replies. I adore him, so when he doesn't return a call or text, I just wait a week or two and try again. And, I haven't asked him why. Since we are just in the beginning of whatever it is we have. I should say he is busy and has an awesome career, and he is awesome. I have been out with him twice, and he asked me. Just wish I knew what to do or if he even likes me a little. Hope someone can help answer this. If it is an aspie trait and I could find a way to get in touch more, I'd be happy :)



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02 Feb 2016, 8:59 am

1. Although texting has gotten a lot better some of the pre-paid plans still charge you by the message. I used to text a friend had exactly that and would only text their spouse if necessary. Usually they often responded by calling or writing me back on Facebook.

2. It also also mean that they are not interested in speaking with you.

3. They are well meaning to get back with you but end up forgetting or procrastinating things and it doesn't mean they are not interested. Rather they get distracted.



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 02 Feb 2016, 11:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

eric76
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02 Feb 2016, 10:17 am

Some of us don't live by text messages.

I respond to a small fraction of mine. In some cases, I don't even see them until days or weeks later.



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13 Sep 2016, 10:24 pm

It sounds a bit obsessive really. Though that's a great thing in constructive pursuits, it's rarely a winner in social contexts.

Finding a way to divide your time/attention might be helpful. If that's as easy as doing an alternate task (reading, drawing, video games, etc.) it may be a helpful distraction. If it's not, maybe you can still steer focus more broadly. Think of various ways they might respond, and various ways you might respond. At least that way you're being more constructive than simply waiting (or worse: text spamming). And working through theoretical conversations can be helpful for future interactions too.

Hopefully maybe that helps some, and apologies if I'm way off.



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14 Sep 2016, 10:55 am

It depends on the scenario but if the other party never responds, it means they aren't interested in communicating or maintaining contact with you. It could also mean that you did something that they other party didn't like and doesn't care to chat.



eric76
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14 Sep 2016, 2:20 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
It depends on the scenario but if the other party never responds, it means they aren't interested in communicating or maintaining contact with you. It could also mean that you did something that they other party didn't like and doesn't care to chat.


Or it might just mean that they don't like text messages.



CatLady53
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14 Sep 2016, 3:33 pm

eric76 wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
It depends on the scenario but if the other party never responds, it means they aren't interested in communicating or maintaining contact with you. It could also mean that you did something that they other party didn't like and doesn't care to chat.


Or it might just mean that they don't like text messages.


Most NTs will tell you if they prefer phone/text/e-mail etc. If you can see they read several messages and still didn't respond I would say forget them. I am terrible at answering texts but even I would send at least a smiley face or a thumbs up to acknowledge the text, maybe not immediately but at least within the next 24-36 hours.



alpacka
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22 Sep 2016, 3:38 pm

Could being me writing this post. I come across this issue ALOT and hate it. I DONT believe that the NT is sooo busy or "doesnt like text", if the person is a friend, he or she will NOT make you hang in there, he or she will prioritize your text. Maybe not in 5 minutes but at least the same day. My so called friend takes weeks to reply, fastest are minimum 24 hours. She says she do care but I cant feel it.

Aspies are more thoughtful, NTs just dont give a s**t


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Exuvian
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22 Sep 2016, 6:26 pm

alpacka wrote:
Could being me writing this post. I come across this issue ALOT and hate it. I DONT believe that the NT is sooo busy or "doesnt like text", if the person is a friend, he or she will NOT make you hang in there, he or she will prioritize your text. Maybe not in 5 minutes but at least the same day. My so called friend takes weeks to reply, fastest are minimum 24 hours. She says she do care but I cant feel it.

Aspies are more thoughtful, NTs just dont give a s**t

My general expectations:
* within 1-5 minutes if they're a complete stranger you texted accidentally.
* within 10-60 minutes if they're a good friend
* later the same or very next day if they're an acquaintance or casual friend.
* within a few weeks if they're training their pet parrot to text for them (and it's not going well).



PrinceAspien
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23 Sep 2016, 2:38 am

This is one of my central personal issues. I am in fact currently waiting for a reply (any reply) from my PhD supervisor about meeting me next week in London. I now "talk myself down"/out of dramatic scenarios in which I have done something terribly wrong! It is still in the back of my mind that although I have paid my fees for the first year he is pulling out because he thinks I am "weird".

This week I had a hard time getting to sleep because one of my best friends had not replied to emails or texts. I "talked myself down" from the position that he had unfriended me for some unknown faux pas committed by me, and in fact that was correct to do so as he replied later "sorry, I was super busy" etc.

The different "styles" of electronic communication between different people are in fact astonishing. Because many of my friends have AS traits I try to remember they are eccentric. One friend, I hardly hear anything from then after several weeks he texts me "penis". Yes, not making this up, then his normal communication style resumes, with quite concise language, often strange, then he will go a few more weeks with no contact and then suddenly text "cock" or something equally strange. He also spends his spare time watching movies and recording the number of "f words" for each film, so I think language and profanity has a lot to do with his symptoms!