Why do girls like it when guys don't pay lots of attention?

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It's driving me nuts! I admit I'm desperate for a girlfriend and love because I'm 21 and never experienced it, but girls shouldn't write a guy off just because he responds to every text in 3 minutes and looks at her with a lover's stare when she walks away.

I just can't develop confidence because I've always had a hard time with becoming approachable. I don't have the MAGIC to make people like to be around me.

In my experience, some do, some don't. Same the other way round, too. What is distant to one person may be a nice, easy space in which the relationship can grow to another. What one person appreciates as common courtesy - a prompt response to messages - may seem clingy to another.

What you are looking for - what anyone is looking for - is a well-fitted, reciprocal match.

Be you. This does not mean 'don't change' - by all means, if there's things you want to change, then change them. Be the best you you can be, and be comfortable with that.

And whatever is a 'lover's stare'?

Oh for cryin out loud! Most women and men are REPULSED instinctively by desperation and neediness.



I suggested you try online dating but IRL, focus on casual interaction with women where you don't expect that anything will come out of it.

Isn't a lover's stare when two people in love play the staring contest game?

Man wondering just what that has to do with what he said then seeing that to be fair there's sort of a point there broad stroked though it is and then wondering if it's worth the effort to even try this 'nuance' tack anymore.jpg

So very, very true. I can't emphasize how important it is not only for us, but others, to be ourselves and be comfortable with that as you stated. The games people play to catch other's attention and in the early stages of relationships is not only ridiculous, but toxic to the relationship if it ever progresses past the early stages. If people would just be themselves, it isn't like the other person isn't going to eventually see the true "you" and if someone doesn't want you for who and what you really are, they aren't the one for you, anyway.

Too much attention - staring included - is just plain creepy!

Generalizing about girls much? Some do, some don't and, clearly, you're better off pursuing the latter.

That being said, it isn't the responsibility of the Girls of the World to give you confidence. It's up to you to develop it.

There's another thread about guy complaining his gf is too clingy and demanding too much of his attention. So it's not a generalization about girls, it's an accurate generalization about >90% of the Human Race. It is not anyone elses responsibility to help you boost your confidence and ease your fear of abandonment. EVEN IF you happen to be female.

I think that's a bit of an oversimplification. There are ample examples of people in news and popular entertainment of people (males in particularly) getting stalky.

Is it too much to ask that a person be allowed a fair amount of time to assess someone else's character before they reciprocate head over heels or clingy behavior?

To the OP, I can relate. I had the same problem with a young woman when I was in my early 20s. I was too intense too fast, and she backed away. It hurt. I learned my lesson.

Sometimes people don't understand their own emotions. Surely we can relate to that? Not everyone knows right away how they feel about other people. Sometimes we have to allow time for it to evolve without trying to force it.

That first woman? She came to me a few years later trying to get me back when she realized what she missed out on. I had moved on. So my feelings changed, too.

As a woman, I can say that we are constantly afraid of predators who may be too interested in us.

Due to that, a lot of women become hypersensitive to men's interest.

I personally wouldn't care about the three minutes thing, but staring is classic red-flag. Unfair? Maybe, but you can't go around tearing down people's societal conditioning that easily.

I think: show your interest by making her feel interesting. Ask her questions about her work, how she likes it, etc. Not about her personal background, because that feels irrelevant and unsafe. Ask her about her interests, and try to build off of what she says if you can. So if she mentions that she works as a teacher for kindergarteners after saying that she used to volunteer at the afterschool YMCA, say, "Is it much different when you have a schedule and a bunch of kids the same age to care for?"

But that's just an example.

But do try to relate some stuff to you, so she doesn't feel interrogated. How? I don't know, I'm not good at it myself.

Are you talking about when a girl is *in* a relationship with a guy/dating him or if he's just an acquaintance/stranger? What I was referring to was when a guy and a girl are dating and he pays too much attention to her and shows he's infatuated(with her).

But some women definitely love attention from male strangers and acquaintances as it strokes their ego......To a POINT. If she's really not into him and realizes she's given him the wrong idea, she starts to feel discomfort with it.