The difficulties of being 'a good person'

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There are so many rules out there whether or not they're phrased as rules, but some show up so often that even I pick up on them. There are rules for what entails being 'good' in whatever society you have been born into, and I've always found those rules refreshingly simple. I grew up surrounded by mostly Christian and Jewish mores, so I got a lot of "Don't lie", "Don't steal", "Don't be greedy", "You are not as important as you think you are/be humble", along with my parents' preference for pacifism and the doozy of a statement "Don't hurt anyone". So I did my best to follow all of those rules and could not for the life of me figure out why no one else was bothering to do the same when the expectations were so clear. Ironically, I used to lie as a child but I taught myself to be as honest as I could, which was one of the reasons my parents ostensibly thought I might have Aspergers in the first place. I swear, NTs, they're your rules, I'm just trying to use them!

I taught myself to lie (very convincingly in the end) after finding out the mistake that is "nobody will hurt you for telling the truth"

Stood me in good stead as we moved around when I was young and I found I was a natural actor mimicking NT behaviours - I always returned to type after a short time but that's just me!

NTs interpret rules as being flexible, not absolutes like Aspies often do.

For instance, I generally won't help one person as I quickly discovered the help you offer is never enough.

On the contrary, I see everyday society as believing being a "good person" as simply as just avoiding being a wilfully or deliberately bad one. I disagree. In my ethics, it takes much more both internally and externally to make a good person, not just avoiding being a bad one. Don't even get me started on trying to convince people that this is not because I have empathy, or feel anything whatsoever about it, it has just been worked out philosophically ...

Hmmm - my response seems to have Failed spectacularly initially

Was saying that the flexibility of the parameters is very confusing.

I developed a social personality based on challenging social norms - this basically allowed me to over-step good taste barriers and claim I was doing something positive even though it was simply that I had no idea where the hell the barrier started or ended!

I learned early that being a "Good" person means:

- Always doing what you're told.
- Accepting every abuse and insult without complaining.
- Keeping all of your opinions to yourself.
- Taking all of the blame for other people's actions.
- Losing your college fund to pay for your brothers' legal defense.
- Always sharing credit for your personal accomplishments.
- Telling pleasant lies all of the time.
- Never saying anything about your own physical pain or injuries.
- Always following the rules while everyone around you cheats.
- Never getting the medical help you need because someone else's favorite child is sad.
- Always remaining silent about unpleasant truths.
- Letting everybody else take advantage of you.
- Never correcting anyone in a position of authority.
- Providing alibis for others under threat of violence.
- Looking the other way whenever others act badly.
- Cleaning up after every addict and alcoholic in your family "because it's your job".
- Never telling anyone about your feelings.
- Always smiling, no matter what they do to you.

I would rather be known as a "Jerk" if being "Good" involves even one of these things.

More: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=215967&p=6994211#p6994211

I agree with BTDT about NTs thinking rules are flexible, however I think they are wrong. For example, Fnord gave this long list that I would also agree with. I think there are thousands of hard rules that APPEAR flexible, because there are tiny exemptions that lead to other hard rules.

In THIS circumstance, DO THIS
IF THIS circumstance THEN THIS
OR IF THIS circumstance DO THIS
and so on

I have problems with this notion that there are good and bad people, in my scheme of things there are people I like and people I don't like, but no labels please. I think I'd have more respect for rules if I were allowed to vote for them. Currently there is no consensus on right and wrong, except at the extremes. I prefer to be pragmatic rather than trying to live by hard-and-fast principles which usually break down in specific situations. But that's the logical side of it. Emotionally the question "am I good enough?" keeps coming up in my heart, though my logic says "good enough for who or what?"

I forgot to add: "- Never put up a defense when falsely accused of wrong-doing."

"Good" people should never do that!

Blessed are the meek, turn the other cheek......great way of life if one likes being ground into the dirt.

I have known some bad people, though. One of whom is coming to mind and he was always nice to ME. In fact, I would say he sometimes went a little out of his way to be kind to me. I saw him do the same for at least one other person I knew. I did not personally know any of his victims. But I know for a fact that he was a bad person.

It's more complex to talk about good people, especially when you're trying to judge yourself.

I think a lot of people fail to grasp the concept of caring about the needs of other people (and creatures of nature, and the environment) - as opposed to just their own self-centered desires. They do what benefits them, and don't seem to care at all about the effect it has on anyone else. It's like 95% of the world failed kindergarten.

^ Yes! Imaging what it might be like inside a mind like that is scary. I mean, I guess it's great to them, but it's so gross as compared to the way that most people work. Most people care about someone else, even if it's an animal or animorphed object. Those feelings are what makes us human beings.

Amen, brother! Preach it!

It rhymes too. If only I were a rapper.