Do you come across differently than you think you do?

Post Reply New Topic

I come across that way a lot of the time. It's on and off like a light switch.

This is an interesting topic--thanks for posting! I'm still quite early in the research/self-analysis process (only a couple of months, and not officially diagnosed), but lately I've started to wonder the exact same thing about myself: Do I actually come across as confident, authoritative, eloquent, etc as I think/hope I do in professional situations?

The honest answer: probably not.

My current job involves a LOT of phone-answering, and while I haven't held a terror of talking to strangers on the phone in quite a while and thought my "pragmatics" (turn-taking, discerning intent from tone, etc) were pretty good overall, I recently read Cynthia Kim's excellent book "Nerdy, Shy, and Socially Inappropriate," and realized that although I identify as an empath and score ridiculously high on the EQ (54 on the EQ although still 35 on the AQ and 145 on the Aspie Quiz), I suck at turn-taking on the phone.

Reading that book made me hyper-aware that my phone conversations (while generally successful, friendly, and resulting in a fair number of the necessary "sales" the job requires) are filled with lots of false starts and ill-judged cutting-in and accidental talking over the other person, as I apparently misjudge when they're done talking. Combined with an annoying stutter that pops up whenever my brain races ahead of my tongue, I suspect I don't sound anywhere near as smooth as I would like.

Spent ten years as an English teacher though, and during that chapter, my tactic was to embrace my own dorkiness, and then my students did, too. (The secret for me has always been: If you laugh at yourself first, then it doesn't matter if anyone else joins in, 'cause you're already laughing.)

Starting the first time I ever heard my own recorded voice played back to me, on my Dad's first Compact Cassette recorder in the early 1970s, I marveled at how much it "didn't sound like me". I later heard that "everyone" thinks that way, so discounted this as "normal".

Adding the element of video in the 1980s to what I sounded like further astonished me at how different I seemed than what I had imagined I did, and I didn't like what I saw/heard. As technology has progressed further into the ability and in some cases "need" to regularly encounter the outer you, sometimes on a daily basis, I have wondered how people cope with this, as I don't feel any closer to connecting to what I see and hear than I used to.

I'm currently kind of obsessed about wanting to rewatch the Super-8 home movies that my Dad made of me and my (probably) NT younger brother, shot in the 1970s. There's a VHS dub of the movie film around somewhere in deep storage, probably being urinated on by pack rats at this very moment, and the original silent movie film still exists too, at my parents' new home in Florida, though I'm pretty sure that the projector is now long gone (easily replaced, of course). And I'm pretty sure that the film is all Kodachrome, which is renowned for a very long stable storage life, compared to other color positive films.

It was fascinating to hear Tony Attwood (renowned autism expert) describing the moment of realization that his 20-something son was very likely autistic, upon watching some old home video of the boy.

Darron

Yes I think watching a video of a thing sometimes shows it in "a different light" like that, even when the subject isn't you, and you'd think you'd seen everything you'd need to see of it already. I remember reading in some book about an experiment they ran where they filmed people interacting with each other and then played it back to them. One chap stood up and yelled "Stop! Stop! I never realised what a liar I was!"

well thought evreything was normal but in retrospect . i avoided human contact a great deal.
And generally listened well . But it was a significant method i had of interacting, watching what was normally safe . This listening carried on into my classroom time . And when the Nun or teacher spoke . i was able to recall things well . So it was very easy to go through school .
And no one explained the advantages of getting better grades . Plus what i learned, i retained better because it had been committed to memory. Both good and bad information .
i did not know doing this could possibly get me targeted by more obnoxious students .
Thought if i was quiet , people would leave me alone. ' NOT'.Did not know my lack of coordination might leave me out of normal modes of play. Completely thought it was all normal. And did not envy anyone their differences better or worse.

Hah!

Darron

"Do you come across differently than you think you do?"

No!

(At least - I don't THINK I do . . . )

Yea i think i really do. would explain allot. but oh well. i am who i am

Subjective and objective perspectives really fascinate me.

It does however, hurt my head when I try to analyse on the most basic of level how I come across to people through my speech and body language.

If I'm overly self-conscious, I appear aloof. If I'm naturally aloof, I appear gullible or naive. If I moan or complain about something, people tend to laugh and think I'm being drole, most likely because of my gesticulating.

You get the idea. It can be frustrating all the same.

i like to think , i care about how i come across ...but after much reflection, i try not to care.