How can I persuade my fiancée? She thinks I am dead wrong.

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AspE
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10 Feb 2016, 10:52 am

trappedinhell wrote:
AspE wrote:
That's just something people say, no one really believes it.


I believe it. (Though it may be a western individualistic thing: perhaps Chinese people regret not doing more for the community?)

Then why insist on continuing your dead end job? Is that your dream?



trappedinhell
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10 Feb 2016, 11:23 am

AspE wrote:
Then why insist on continuing your dead end job? Is that your dream?


Sadly I have to eat. The job pays the bills, it is safe and I feel secure in it. I wish there was a better option but there isn't.


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AspE
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10 Feb 2016, 11:27 am

trappedinhell wrote:
AspE wrote:
Then why insist on continuing your dead end job? Is that your dream?


Sadly I have to eat. The job pays the bills, it is safe and I feel secure in it. I wish there was a better option but there isn't.

That's why most people don't follow their dreams. And there's nothing wrong with it, but you are deliberately limiting your options due to some temporary discomfort. Hard work is hard. And often uncomfortable.



btbnnyr
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11 Feb 2016, 3:58 am

I say go with your game, if you are confident that you can make a good game.
Usually, I don't tell people to quit university, but you hate the course, will probably have difficulty finding a job after you graduate, and will probably dislike the job if you find one, so it seems there is not much to choose university over what you truly want to do.
I don't know how to convince your fiance though.


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trappedinhell
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11 Feb 2016, 4:50 am

Thanks. Plus, university wise, I am 47 and have already graduated from two universities, so it's not like I'm a teenager afraid of work! My fiancee is actually really good. She says she will support me whatever I do, but I don't want her to secretly think I am doing the wrong thing. With autism I just don't know if I am pulling away from her or not. When somebody says "I will support you, but..." it can mean the beginning of years of driftingg apart. That's happened to me before.

But in this case I think the key is to get our housing situation sorted. If I can fix that then our future become a lot more certain and it won't really matter what I do for a living. So many variables!! !! !! ! :(


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GiantHockeyFan
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11 Feb 2016, 1:39 pm

One of my biggest regrets is that I finished University and got a Commerce Degree instead of dropping out. My Fiancee actually did drop out and is doing just as well (or not well depending on how you look at it) as I am. Furthermore, I went to more than one job interview where it was obvious the interviewer had a stereotype about business grads and could not see past it. One even said flat out "it's strange for (guys like you) to enjoy manual labour" at a higher end warehousing/logistics position, as it you can't have more than one interest.

I got angry at my current boss wondering why anyone with a degree should be interviewed because they clearly won't be staying and said "I guess my 9 years of service doesn't count?" but I digress. It's a cliché but follow your heart. I can't do my dream career because it's too expensive and time consuming to train for (thanks A LOT, useless guidance counsellors) but I have been moving to take courses and work in that general field. Much happier there and the potential for more money in the future.



trappedinhell
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11 Feb 2016, 3:56 pm

Thanks for the reply. Comments like yours are why I always come back to this board and feel so at home. Most of what you said goes against conventional wisdom, yet that is exactly my experience.

After two universities, running my own business and numerous jobs, I calculated that I would have been better off (and probably happier) if I had kept my old push bike and stuck with the paper round. I would be healthier too. All I ever wanted from a career was a bed at night and a corner in which to read books. Yet somehow I got pushed into the rat race. But the rat race never worked for me.


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12 Feb 2016, 8:27 am

It sounds like you want somebody to enable a morose and defeatist attitude.

Well I couldn't do it.

I would feel ashamed to try and make somebody go along with that. I would also feel ashamed to deliberately fail. Confrontation is never easy, but it is the honorable thing.