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Grammar Geek
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09 Feb 2016, 4:00 pm

I downloaded Tinder a few days ago and thought I was going to meet up with another guy, but he suddenly stopped talking to me. Another guy did this about a month ago on a different app after we both agreed to get together. I am tired of this happening and don't know what I'm doing wrong. If someone sees something that I'm not doing correctly, please let me know. This is the conversation I had on Saturday:

Me: Hey there! This is my first time on this app, so I don't know if I'm doing this right. I can see you go to *my college* too. Want to meet up sometime?

Him: Yeah sure! How's it going?

Me: Not bad. How about you?

Him: The same here. Laying on the couch being lazy lol

Me: Yep, exactly the same in my recliner! Just another uneventful weekend.

Him: The only event I have is going to work tomorrow. Which I dread

Me: Ah, that sucks. What do you do?

Him: Cashier at a grocery store

Me: Sounds like you're living the high life! :D I don't have an "actual" job somewhere; I get paid for writing for the school newspaper, as well as editing the sermons this wacko preacher sends me.

Him: Lucky. How much do you get paid?

Me: *amount*

Him: Lucky :o I get paid *amount*.

Me: I guess I'm lucky in that sense, yeah. So are you on here looking for a boyfriend as well?

Him: Yeah I am

Me: Well, are you on campus Monday? I'm free from about 9 to 12 if you want to get together.

Him: Yeah! I have classes from 10-2 but have a gap from 11-12

Me: Great! Is there a certain place you want to meet? I'm on the second floor of GEB at that time.

Him: I usually go to eat lunch at that time so maybe we can meet at the food court?

Me: All right, no problem. See you then!

Him: Haha cool :)

ON MONDAY

Me: Hey, what's up? If you still want to get together, I'm sitting at a table in the corner of the cafeteria near the food court.

No response. I wait for thirty minutes before leaving.

TODAY, ABOUT THREE-AND-A-HALF HOURS AGO

Me: Could you tell me why you stood me up? If you changed your mind, fine, but I'd appreciate it if you told me in advance.

No response.

What did I do wrong here?



100000fireflies
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09 Feb 2016, 8:47 pm

I don't think you did anything wrong. I've never used tinder, so i don't know what's normal for it...what i wonder (and could be way off on) is if people usally meet in person right away, or get to know each other online more first?

It's possible that he said okay and then realized he knew nothing about this guy he was supposed to meet and backed out..or maybe he showed and saw someone he thought was you and thought that person wasn't his type (based only on a glance).. There are so many maybes, it's really hard to say. But with the basic conversation, you did Nothing wrong. You invited and he seemed receptive - it wasn't a vague well maybe sometime reply, but a very positive one.

The only thing i could think of, that may just be me and that's really how it works, is wondering about talking online a bit more before meeting. I'd figure that most people who are great meeting lots of people face to face and getting to know them that way, would be less likely to be looking online. So, maybe he was just more comfortable talking to a screen from the safety of home, but the thought of really meeting in person was too anxiety provoking.


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infidel7
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10 Feb 2016, 9:02 pm

Yeah, sounds like you did everything right! :D

It's he that did wrong, and you may never know why. Try not to blame yourself. Stuff like that has happened to me many times, and I just get up and try again. Sometimes it's hard to move on and let go, and it's natural to search for answers; but I'd focus on the positive, on the amazing brave thing you did.

Good work doing the hard work of trying to meet someone. It's a wicked big challenge for many of us, and is beyond the reach of others still. It sounds like you have what it takes, so to speak, to succeed at dating.


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Grammar Geek
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10 Feb 2016, 9:50 pm

Wow, that means a lot to me! Thanks! Never been on a date, but that gives me hope for the future.



Callista
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14 Feb 2016, 12:25 pm

Nothing sticks out to me. I don't think you made any mistakes--it was probably on the other person's end. He may not have felt like he wanted to meet anybody; he may have been busy, sick, ashamed... it could be anything. He could've had a huge social anxiety attack and backed out. It's his decision to make, though it sucks that he got your hopes up and then didn't show up.


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