What will i do when my dad dies?

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So, as some of you know, i moved out and into my own place... well... first of all i dont really have a place of my own, i live in my grandfathers garage attic, its small about two rooms in all but you know running water, heat and electricity and its free so i cant complain..

My dad visits daily to make sure im eating and all around alive but i realized how much i dont take care of myself when he doesn't show up... Like for instance i didn;t really eat today, i just forgot to feed myself, even though i was hungry and i cant really keep focus to clean my house, whenever i start cleaning i either get distracted or i begin to pace and get into a repetitive rythme. Im also 80% nocturnal, i fall asleep around 4:00am and wake up around 2 or 3pm, depending on if my dad comes up earlier. I also forget to shower myself and change my clothes (i dont like changing my clothes anyways)and feed my animals and clean up their cages and litters.. i cant explain it it just slips my mind for days i get so pre-occupied with researching and my mind is always skipping from one thing to another.

I really hate asking for help It makes me feel lazy and bad... but if i dont ask for help i end up in a really bad place.My dad is always there to come over and help me...

So what will i do when my dad isnt there...? like im pretty much 20.. and i still cant remind myself to eat a meal.. i lost almost 20 pounds from not eating...

The canadian disability funds dont recognize me as disabled but my Psychologist does... he urges me to live in a Group home where i have around the clock care...

Im not sure what to do in the future

20 is a good age to start learning some independent living skills and also some self-regulation skills, so you are not always dependent on someone to take care of you.

I dont know how though

My therapist is teaching me some skills right now to help with those sorts of things.

I'm not sure of the extent of your disabilities, but I couldn't even leave the house at your age. I had almost no social skills, was completely nocturnal, couldn't drive, didn't finish h.s., no friends, etc. Now I did know how to cook and clean, because I'm naturally obsessed with cleanliness and order. And I like good food.

I did learn to drive, went to school part-time, worked part-time, and learned to do things myself like make phone calls, go shopping, go to the doctor.

It's still really hard to even go shopping, no matter how much I need to. But I learned. I have heard that those with ASD can continue to learn these skills, but it's just really delayed compared to others.

I'm still nocturnal. I haven't been able to fix that yet. You might have to devise ways to remind your brain because it can't remind itself. I use apps to help me, and I associate good habits with things that I already do, so that I remember.

I remember to clean because my sense of smell is too good, and my skin can feel dirt and oil, though I know that sounds weird. And mess makes me feel so anxious that I either have to clean or go hide in my room.

I do also forget to eat. I would suggest as many reminders as possible. Make yourself a schedule on a mobile device. Or even on a big calendar. I'm horrible with keeping to schedules, but I'm going to try it again. Perhaps the routine can make everything second-nature.

Deep respect for writing this and asking for help this way

I am not sure what I should do, maybe try to make a list of skills I need to develop and then try to lean them one by one, with the help of people around me, starting with the most simple one. Doesn't your Psychologist have alternative ideas besides the home group?

/disclaimer: just a fellow ASDer.

Well thats a solution right there. So it's not like you don't have options.

Seriously, similar to Yiguren, I wasn't even functioning to your level ZombieBride when I was your age.

I was living nocturnally also in my parents house, couldn't work, couldn't drive, couldn't function normally.

You, at 20 are doing far far better than I was doing at 20. And yet on another thread you basically say that those of us who speak of managing these things NOW in their lives might not be actually autistic.

By the time you're 54 you will very likely discover that you mastered all these things. See what I'm saying here?

Are group homes where you are bad places?

Here in NYC, they could be nice places, or they could be really bad places.

It's true what BirdinFlight stated. You have the potential to progress from the point where you are now.

But, sometimes, people do need help with this. Needing help does not mean you are defeated. But I believe you know this already, and are smart enough to know that you need help.

Especially if the group home is a decent one, I would give it a try. You can work on your skills in a place which has structure. People with autism, above all, need structure.

Daily living check lists. One for the morning till noon. Another from noon to 5pm. A third from 5 pm till bedtime. Include on it everything you need to do in that time period to take care of yourself and remain alive. We use these for my 8 year old and it's made a huge difference. She's not allowed to engage in a special interest till the check list for each time point (in her case, just an AM and PM list since shes in school) is complete. Then all the time left over is hers.

Yes, check lists.
And they should be someplace where you can see them all the time--like on the refrigerator.

Have your dad start teaching you when he comes over.
Start doings more things yourself when he is not there.
Clean something like a drawer or make your bed.
You don't have to learn everything at once, just one thing at a time.
But you have to want to learn and use some self control, which will get better if you use it more.

Maybe start by rebooting your sleep schedule. You can't function or hold a job when you sleep at 4 and wake up at 2... just, no. It's will screw with your day. Always find something to do. Put some music while you cook, have some stuff like computer or hobbies to occupy you in your free time. And lastly maybe get a roomie... living alone can cause loneliness and sometimes that empty feeling of just not feeling like doing anything... so you guys can support and cheer one another

I've used checklists with success, but have also learned to be easy on myself and sometimes wander off without the list, then come back. So things have improved gradually over years - though I don't even try to control the living at night and sleeping all day bit.

Aspies learn, but slowly I've found.

Another thing that has really worked is getting a rechargeable sucky carpet cleaner, a very good one. I find I'll do a lot of things if there is a gadget involved.

I've been trying to fix my sleeping since I was 17 years old. I've seen a sleep specialist, neurologist, etc. Nothing has worked so far. It's a really difficult problem for some people to overcome. I'm not giving up, but I still haven't figured out what to do.

Heres the schedule i just updated

I changed my sleep schedule.
I used to be nocturnal and sleep until noon, but now I can get up reasonably early, like 8 am.
I usually have no need to get up before 8 am.
I used to think I could not have a more normal sleep schedule, but by getting up earlier to get started on the things that I want to do during the way, my sleep schedule changed.
To get up earlier, I find that it is super important to have a reason to get up.
If you have something you really want to do when you get up, it is much easier to get up.
So I would say that changing sleep schedule is about more than sleep.