My 16 yr old niece wants to become a nun...

Post Reply New Topic

NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!
But (..yes...here it comes..the big but) she is on the spectrum and has NEVER attended Catholic school. I had her watch a favorite movie of mine called "The Trouble With Angels" and now she wants to become a nun. She's had a bad experience with a boy she fell in love with over last summer who is gay but will not outright admit it to her for some reason. I'm starting to think that "her heart" has been violated and she feels as though she can't guard it herself so she wants to put it to service to God. That's only one of the wrong reasons to become a nun. I told her that Life itself will break your heart - if you are a nun, celibacy won't protect your heart against hurt. It will protect your heart against "romantic" hurt but not Life's hurt - the hurt you see when looking at the world's sick and destitute. Now that's real pain - not the pain of unrequited love. I don't want to stand in her way but one doesn't have to enter a religious order to serve God. It even says it in the New Testament - Paul said it but I don't remember where. Oi vey....what is it that I should do?

I don't suggest saying this to her, but she is 16 and has time to change her mind. I don't know that I would worry about it, yet. I don't know whether you have to be 18 or what the procedure is, but if it is something where they accept people younger than 18 with parental permission, hopefully her parents will tell her she has to wait.

If she would need to be 18, then I would try not to worry too much. She could have a crush in a few months (or whenever she gets over that guy) that makes it a moot point.

You cannot become a nun until you are at least 18. Also, if she does become a nun, she would not have to stay a nun for the rest of her life. I did go to Catholic school, there were two nuns who worked at the school who left the order to marry. One met an Episcopalian priest, fell in love with him, left the order and converted to protestant. The convent/ order does not stop people from changing their minds. It is not a life sentence. She can also go to a convent for a while, then still decide not to become a nun. I am sure there are many nuns who are on the spectrum. She might enjoy the routine and the rituals. However, as ASDMommyASDKid said, this might be just a passing phase. I had some pretty weird ideas about what I wanted to be when I was 16 too. 16 year olds are fickle. I would not worry about it too much. If in two years she still wants to pursue it, then there may be more to it than you suspect.

I think lots of people want to be lots of things at the age of 16 that they never end up being.

I'm not Catholic, so I don't really know what going to Catholic school has to do with it. Is she a practicing Catholic? If so, and she identifies with it, I would actually encourage her to explore her interest. When I was 16, the more someone told me I couldn't/shouldn't do something, the more alluring it became. I would actually encourage her to go to Mass numerous times a week. If there is a convent nearby, I would also suggest that she speak with the Mother Superior about spending some time there, maybe even seeing if she could volunteer some time. If it isn't the right decision for her, the best way for you to help her see it is to encourage her to pursue it. She will figure it out for herself, and you will never have to be the uncle who shot down her dreams.

I wanted to be a monk when I was 15 and lonely. That phase soon passed.

I still get urges to live the hermetic life.

When I was around 13 I once told my mother when I grew up I wasn't going to get married or have kids. I was going to have my own animal sanctuary with dogs and cats and bunnies and even reptiles.

Well, I'm single and no kids. Two out of three isn't bad. Well I have two cats, so it's a little over 2.

That's not true. I've known some girls who became nuns at 17.
Anyway, as you said, RightGalaxy, there's nothing wrong with being a nun. A friend of mine became a nun 5 years ago, and I realized it is really beautiful to become one and put your life to the service of God. If that girl was my daughter, I'd be very proud of her.
You should give her about two years for her to think if she REALLY wants to become a nun, because she will probably change her mind. Who knows?

(My daughter, or niece. Never mind! )

I would not discourage her. Should she still want to in a couple of years and enters into training, the novice training will help her her sort out her motivations. Many on the spectrum are baby and animal whisperers. She might find out she has a calling in that direction even if she chooses not to become a nun. My son wanted to become a priest and spent many years as an alter boy before he changed his mind. I think it was good for him. He and I are both baby and animal whisperers.