Getting a girlfriend feels like an impossible task

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Grammar Geek
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19 Feb 2016, 5:33 pm

I don't understand how some guys can seemingly get girlfriends so effortlessly. I'm not a hunk, but I'm not really ugly; I've seen far less attractive guys with girls. Everywhere I look, everyone is paired up, and I keep wondering "What's wrong with me? What am I not doing right?" Nobody has ever shown interest in me, and I don't know what to do. Everything I've read makes it all sound extremely complicated, yet people get relationship after relationship with ease. But how? If you mess up on one little step, you're dead. I don't know how to do this crap, and I'm lonely and depressed.



kraftiekortie
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19 Feb 2016, 6:41 pm

Your best bet, I would think, is somebody who is into Chomsky's type of linguistics.

English majors have a tendency, paradoxically, to be rather air-headed, even though their minds are steeped in literature.



Sabreclaw
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19 Feb 2016, 6:52 pm



zeertheseer
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19 Feb 2016, 6:59 pm

actually, in all reality, the smarter someone is; the more absentminded they are. not true for everyone but, a lot of people I know are like that.


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Bluelaggongirl
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19 Feb 2016, 7:10 pm

Girls aren't objects to be acquired.



kraftiekortie
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19 Feb 2016, 8:10 pm

I must be some kind of genius, then LOL....I'm absentminded as all heck!



Grammar Geek
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19 Feb 2016, 8:46 pm

Bluelaggongirl wrote:
Girls aren't objects to be acquired.


And I implied this where? I'm not looking for an object to acquire; I'm looking for someone with whom I can share my feelings and desires. Please don't jump on me like that.



kraftiekortie
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19 Feb 2016, 8:48 pm

I think you're a decent enough person, and will eventually find someone you like.



AuroraBorealisGazer
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20 Feb 2016, 12:34 am

Grammar Geek wrote:
I don't understand how some guys can seemingly get girlfriends so effortlessly. I'm not a hunk, but I'm not really ugly; I've seen far less attractive guys with girls. Everywhere I look, everyone is paired up, and I keep wondering "What's wrong with me? What am I not doing right?" Nobody has ever shown interest in me, and I don't know what to do. Everything I've read makes it all sound extremely complicated, yet people get relationship after relationship with ease. But how? If you mess up on one little step, you're dead. I don't know how to do this crap, and I'm lonely and depressed.


I've had similar thoughts (about boyfriends; and friends, for that matter). Yet another piece of the social puzzle to mystify me, I suppose.



Peacesells
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20 Feb 2016, 1:04 am

Grammar Geek wrote:
Bluelaggongirl wrote:
Girls aren't objects to be acquired.


And I implied this where? I'm not looking for an object to acquire; I'm looking for someone with whom I can share my feelings and desires. Please don't jump on me like that.

Some people on this forum love to attack single guys in order to make them look like sexist monsters. Don't bother using logic with them, just ignore or report them. Besides I think that the girl in question might be Katy.



DevilKisses
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20 Feb 2016, 4:31 pm

I have no advice to give you, but I know the feeling.


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CommanderKeen
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21 Feb 2016, 4:45 am

Bluelaggongirl wrote:
Girls aren't objects to be acquired.

I'm sure this'll piss you off, Trump 2016. You can't stump the Trump.



OliveOilMom
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21 Feb 2016, 6:22 am

The words getting and task may be the thing that's causing you some difficulty. I don't mean it like the other poster did. You worded it like its a chore that's very hard to do, so you probably think of it in a similar way and approach it that way too. Like it's going to be so difficult and its a pain in the ass to do, etc. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm saying that you should try and just take it one step at a time and focus first on meeting a girl you enjoy talking to. Don't worry about the rest yet. Just when you meet her, chat with her and talk and listen and enjoy talking to her and getting to know her. Don't think about it as a step in the process of getting a gf. Just think of it as enjoying talking. Then ask her to go out. Focus only on the date if she says yes. Don't think ahead or see it as another step you have to do exactly right so you can complete the task of getting a girlfriend. See what I'm saying?

If you have it in your mind that way you won't enjoy yourself as much as you could and she will pick up on that vibe. So yes break it down into small steps but only focus on each step as its happening and focus on enjoying it and making sure she's having a good time too. If you're thinking of it as part of an overall plan or a chore or task etc then you're shooting yourself in the foot before you even get out of the gate because you're vibe will basically kill you there.


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rdos
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21 Feb 2016, 8:06 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
If you're thinking of it as part of an overall plan or a chore or task etc then you're shooting yourself in the foot before you even get out of the gate because you're vibe will basically kill you there.


I agree to that. I cannot see how anybody could successfully use such an approach.

For me, meeting a compatible girl is not something that can be worked on or planned, it just happens. Sure, you can still plan for what to do when it does happen, but you cannot plan when it will happen.



WantToHaveALife
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23 Feb 2016, 3:25 am

story of my life, I wonder what type of parental, social upbringing, childhood social experiences guys had in which it made them naturals with women, naturals at knowing how to meet and approach, talk to women, have conversations that attract them, etc.



TentofMot
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23 Feb 2016, 12:20 pm

I don't like thinking of it as a task to be accomplished. That frames the partner as more of an object.

A relationship to me is more of a kindred spirit connection with someone.

It must be created, it is not simply found.