why are they judgmental of this?

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Why are a lot of women negatively judgmental of aspergers symptoms in men like lack of facial expressions and monotone voice?

Simply because MOST women prefer to feel CONNECTED with the person whom they are in a relationship/love with...

I tried explaining to my wife of five years about my ASD... she ended up giving me a breakdown (indirectly) and left with my best friend...

Don't mean to freak you out by saying the above as everyone is different and this won't nessicarily happen to you

Because most women are NTs, and you selected one of them.

Was this directed at me?

If so yes she was NT... she was my boss to start with *dog groomer* and we declared our feelings for each other... we had to lovely children together (they are with her)... my best friend was going to be godfather and all 3 of us had a fall out years ago (due to something different) HE is also ASPIE and she chose him... over me??? (this happened last year when i MYSELF got in touch with my friend to appologise for the fallout...) we (me and him - i left due to the breakdown before this) started meeting up again etc... then on day (just after my B-day) he stopped contact (reply to texts/emails/phone etc) i though *oh its his ASD he will be ok in a few days*...

Then my son (4) came over mine fore his visit and we had a nice chat... and then *... daddy, uncle XXX Kisses Mummy* thought... *he just a 4 year old, maybe he kissed her cheek as he was leaving* (i know he was helping her with house)

Went over to HER's one day, to pick some of my stuff up (still had a key) and i called to make sure it was ok...

as soon as i walked into the lounge... there they were on the sofa... the rest is history!

I just hope she says *OMG your another ASD fruit cake!! ! your dumped!*

I'm a woman with Asperger's who doesn't speak in a monotone and shows facial expressions, and it irks me when people assume all aspies look and talk like robots. It's NT's who are being judgmental, naturally assuming all autistic people are males and children, and female aspies still often don't get diagnosed until adulthood, if at all.

Because they can't "read" you. That makes them fear you. What people fear, they also hate.

Women want to feel connected and men want to get naked. Hence the advantage Aspie women have

I think Fnord summed it up perfectly; people are looking for certain social signs from us, and don't see them, so they quickly file us away under "potentially dangerous/unstable/unloving" or just plain old "not interested".

The same thing can just as easily apply to men, of course - we can misread or not notice the signs that the person we fancy is giving off. It's hard to respond appropriately when we have trouble understanding the significance of their actions. Did she just re-arrange her limbs to invite me in for a kiss, or is she just more comfortable sitting that way? How am I supposed to know?

Romance is a particularly tricky area though, because flirting is a whole different ball game than more common social interactions; all the usual social rules get scrambled. And it's a skill that we don't get so much opportunity to practice, with the possibility of rejection if we get it wrong (and in my experience, you're unlikely to get a detailed report of exactly what you did wrong - so learning by trial and error isn't always so easy!)

Yes . . .its all about social expectations . .. . Nt's like me have a tendency to expect touch, smiles, compliments in our interactions. If they don't happen, we tend think the person doesn't like us or is just plain strange. Having said that . . . . .i have made it my mission to understand and stop expecting things to be all "my way" - I have learnt that I can feel the emotions, and judge on actions rather than shallow words. I have learnt a lot, and find I look at some of my NT friendships in a different way now. Don't give up

Never thought about this, some of my friends tell me i speak in obvious monotone but i never realised this.. i dont hear it?.. sometimes i try to 'act' the high and lows in some of other peoples way of talking and they still think i speak monotonous heh.

Heck maybe that cost me alot of potential friends and love interests xD

Ohwell.

One thing i did notice is that my friends always approach women with smalltalk and what i percieve as superficial textbook-compliments, like the whole player kind of thing. They dont mean harm and the girls they approach dont take offense at all (its not the bad kind see) but to me it feels very alien and distancing, i could never approach someone and make jokes when im not even in any mood to joke around. Maybe i have some kind of strong feeling of genuity.. hm. (just so its clear, i dont look for a gf tbh, even when i meet girls that technically would meet my interest thats all it is. I enjoy their company but cant picture fusing our lifes together, not even for a single night.)

The irony is that my difficulty comprehending social and personal boundaries hides a real desire to be more "touchy feely" with people. I do have some sensory issues regarding being touched, but I can overcome those if I am comfortable enough with the person (getting comfortable takes a rather long time, though).

Even something as simple as a hug when greeting people is like navigating a maze - Did they offer a hug? Should I offer a hug? Aargh, the hug's already started and I don't know what to do with my hands! I've been told that hugging me is like hugging a shop mannequin before now!

I used to get very, very bitter about it when I was younger. I can remember walking out of pubs and clubs and my mates quizzing me "Did you get her number? Fwoar, she was hot for you, man. Did you see the way she [cough!]" - and I would be completely and utterly oblivious. If I could remember the lass in question at all, I'd just be thinking, "Oh, she was really friendly, we had a lovely little chat." - so innocent! I was a hopeless bag of nerves and non-sequiters - and boy did I used to get angry about it.

Now I'm a bit older, I've let the bitterness go. The way I see it, attraction, especially the sexy kind, is a very, very primal part of human behaviour, where people are least able to ignore their innate instincts. I'm sure plenty of us have been in the position of fancying someone, and not having a damned clue why! There's a part of falling in love (and sexy times) that can't be rationalized, no matter how much effort is applied. I've realised that there's no point looking for a relationship by trying to mimic the people around me - that can only lead to me finding someone that expects me to be like that all the time. Which would be more than I or any relationship could stand.

The issue here is NTs, not women.

An NT man would be similarly perturbed by such an Aspie woman.

Yep, that's true! I don't have a monotone voice (at least I don't think so), but NT men are perturbed with my weirdness. Actually NT people in general are perturbed with my weirdness. IMHO it has nothing to do with sex or gender!

They're perturbed because they can't "read" us? And is that the reason why they imagine a lot of untrue things about us, think I don't understand what they say or don't realize what's going on, or think I don't care? Because they can't read us or read us wrong?



Nt's expect us to touch, smile, compliment etc.. but...well, I don't know for the other aspies here, but when I like someone, I'm just sooooooo nervous, it becomes almost impossible. Ok, smile is possible, but touch....and talk to (and therefor, compliment) that person who makes me so nervous...ouch! Talking in public has always been something difficult and stressfull for me, especially if there's a lot of people around. And if there is "him", that one person who makes me even more nervous.....it just becomes almost impossible to do anything.
Now...if because of that he think's I don't like him or he think's I'm too weird.....and whoever is the "him" it will be the same each time, so.....what can I do? There's no hope?
Or is there a way to get people and a potential partner to not expect from me/us NT stuff that I/we can't do and not be so much uncomfortable about that? After all, I did no harm at all to them. I'm not a crazy psycho stalking people or a serial killer or what!
Btw, since you're NT, I would like to ask you: are you uncomfortable with silence and people not talking much? and if yes, why? It would be interesting to have an NT view!
I hope it doesn't bother the topic's author to ask this here!

Im not sure if im nervous, i mean ive been nervous sure but not by default. Generally i have no problem in socialising with women but theres a line between how a friend of mine acts around women almost as if hes following some kind of etiquette and im just being natural. I dont make jokes to kill silence or start conversations that i have no interest in for the same, i wont prod someone laughing just to touch someone, i wont camouflage my feelings with such odd though generic behavioral patterns. Is that typical of the autistic spectrum or am i extra weird here?