combating irrational feelings of worthlessness?

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I have an anxiety and panic disorder with bouts of depression that seems to be more or less chronic. In the last few weeks, I have been in a downward spiral with escalating panic attacks, crying spells when i have a moment alone, and overwhelming feelings of total inferiority and worthlessness which my husband tells me are completely irrational.

I have been very difficult at times, and terribly ashamed of the fact that i struggle with this and put him and others through dealing with me. Whether this is rational or not, it is a very real feeling and when i get to a dark place, I have nothing rational in me to combat the feelings of total worthlessness. I feel that i am completely inferior to everyone else, no matter what i do i am a failure, and mistakes (even small ones that were honest mistakes that were in the "it's ok, no harm done" category) weigh on my mind for days afterward with guilt that is impossible to describe.

My husband, in our discussion of this, said, "I have come to the conclusion that no matter what I say, you will not believe it. You are being totally irrational in this, and i cannot make you happy no matter what i say or do. I can't fight your demons for you." He is right, but it lets me feeling like i have just been told to "pull myself up by my own bootstraps." In this dark place, i have nothing left to fight this irrational self-loathing.

But...as i pondered what to do to help myself (as no one else seems to be able to help me with this)...the idea came to me to start a book of "good stuff."

The "good stuff book" would be simply a notebook in which i would write down positive things people said to me, times i knew i had made a success of something, cards or letters from loved ones that expressed their appreciation for me. Not made up, gushy praise, but real stuff that is testament to the fact that i am not worthless and that i am loved and wanted. He tells me i am, very much so...now to make myself believe it.

I think it sounds terribly dorky, on one hand...but on the other hand, it would be something concrete to go to when i have nothing left within myself to fight these debilitating feelings of worthlessness.

Has anyone tried this? Been successful? Does it sound like a good idea? My current state of mind feels like it is fishing for undeserved compliments to fool a lousy person into believing she is a good person. But i don't want anything in my book that isn't concrete and sensible. Something rational that i can look at in the face of the irrational pain.

I would welcome others' thoughts on this idea.

Bumping this up--maybe I put it on at a bad time and it got buried in other threads? Anyone have any thoughts on this or other methods they have tried with any success to combat the irrational feelings of worthlessness in depression?

It sounds like a good idea. I think a problem with diagnosed younger Aspies is that they have to put so much effort into "being normal" that they don't have enough time to find and develop natural gifts and abilities needed to rightfully earn self esteem.

I do a daily personal inventory. Part of it is asking myself, "What did I do good today?"

This counters the irrational guilt that comes with depression.

BTDT, I do feel like I have put so much effort into keeping a normal life together that I do not have time to develop my talents into anything useful. This, as well as the guilt over putting my family through dealing with me, feeds the irrational worthlessness a lot.

Emtsuj, I am glad it helps you to do this. I think I will try it. My husband says that something like this wouldn't mean anything to him--but he doesn't struggle with the anxiety. He says, "if it works, do it."