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aja675
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08 Mar 2016, 8:52 am

I have bad experiences with this. Who else has? The thing is that while I really do have flaws, like a bad attention span, I know this bunch of people who are obsessed with my flaws and they try to make me feel like the worst person in the world.



EggStirMeanAte
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08 Mar 2016, 9:23 am

Sometimes, but I just try to minimise contact with them. If they can only pay attention to someone's flaws they're just negative.



SocOfAutism
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08 Mar 2016, 1:27 pm

I agree. Minimize contact. They probably think they're being helpful, but that's incredibly rude.



aja675
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10 Mar 2016, 9:53 am

Here's a blog I created about my situation: http://themasscommpost.tumblr.com/



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10 Mar 2016, 10:00 am

My relatives know all of my flaws. Actually, they only think they do, based on what they knew about me from 30 years ago. So when I do visit them, they act as if I am still in my 20s, just as gullible, and making the same stupid mistakes.

Most of them are now "under-employed"; that is, laid off from their big-money union jobs, and taking whatever part-time, temporary work that's available.

So when they get on me about things that I used to say and do, I point out how much I've changed, and how successful I've become (on my own and without their support). Then I ask how they're doing.

That's when they call me a "jerk", and tell me that I shouldn't be criticizing them.

:D Ahh ... sweet vindication ...


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zkydz
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10 Mar 2016, 10:55 am

Fnord wrote:
My relatives know all of my flaws. Actually, they only think they do, based on what they knew about me from 30 years ago. So when I do visit them, they act as if I am still in my 20s, just as gullible, and making the same stupid mistakes.

Most of them are now "under-employed"; that is, laid off from their big-money union jobs, and taking whatever part-time, temporary work that's available.

So when they get on me about things that I used to say and do, I point out how much I've changed, and how successful I've become (on my own and without their support). Then I ask how they're doing.

That's when they call me a "jerk", and tell me that I shouldn't be criticizing them.

:D Ahh ... sweet vindication ...
Good for you!! My motto is that the best revenge is just living well.


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B19
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10 Mar 2016, 3:18 pm

Not just people. Society, the medical model, behaviourists, media, so-called 'helping' groups like Autism Speaks, psychiatry.. The normative prejudice is immense and no group needs liberation more in Western culture at the present time than people on the spectrum. Thank goodness for Tony Attwood, a singular breath of fresh air...

As long as autistic people are defined solely by the medical model - based on the mindset that if you are not NT you are automatically impaired, defective, inferior (without any acknowledgment of strengths, potential nor societal oppression) - the status quo will continue, the aptly termed "tyranny of normal".



thehandler
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10 Mar 2016, 3:37 pm

I think I can relate. I have the thing where most of the time I'm "good" and nobody notices, but as soon as I mess up suddenly everyone is watching and points it out for the rest of my existence.


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AnonymousAnonymous
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10 Mar 2016, 3:51 pm

I can relate to this too. Whenever my grandma and/or my uncle visit, they often treat me like I'm still a child. They take pride in taking advantage of me, so whenever they visit, I hide in my room or leave the house until they leave. On another note, whenever I want to be social, I am told by my mom to not be social. Whenever I don't want to be social, my mom tells me to be social.


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aja675
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11 Mar 2016, 5:58 am

aja675 wrote:
I could relate. I am currently experiencing this in my college. You see, I have turned into a lazy hedonist because of burnout. I started out pretending to be an extrovert when I started studying in my school, and I've turned into a living caricature of an extrovert as a result. There's this group of people who only know me as a lazy hedonist who is good at sex jokes and pop cultural references and is bad at my studies. They get angry with me all the time because of how lazy and absent-minded I am and they hate that they have to remind me of things all the time. However, even considering my flaws, they are still unjustly mean because they are obsessed with them and they are keeping me in this cycle of negativity, because the more they say bad things about me, the more lazy I become because I have started to associate school with their negative words.



arkatron
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11 Mar 2016, 9:30 am

Yes, I can relate to a degree. Some people are really toxic, basically narcissistic, and the only way they can feel good about themselves is to criticise others on some perceived lack. Like Fnord, I have relatives who enjoy criticising based on outdated beliefs about me (which were never accurate anyway). I suppose they really feel like offering up unwanted and unasked for criticism but can't find anything suitable to criticise in the present, so they must live in the past.


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aja675
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11 Mar 2016, 8:40 pm

As for the people in my life, do you think they just have misplaced anger, or is it emotional abuse for the sake of emotional abuse?



arkatron
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11 Mar 2016, 10:42 pm

aja675 wrote:
As for the people in my life, do you think they just have misplaced anger, or is it emotional abuse for the sake of emotional abuse?


Based on the information in this thread and your blog, I can only speculate as to their motivations. However, you have said they are mean to you, so I would second what others in this thread have said: limit contact to maintain your own wellbeing as you see fit.

Speculation: Considering their outright insults, such as calling you a "slut", I would guess that they are just critical and unkind people who are treating you poorly due to mean-spiritedness and prejudice.


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arabian1
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12 Mar 2016, 12:24 am

While i wasnt criticised directly, people used to gossip about me and play practical jokes on me , epspecially in middle and high school. I remember in college a d bag professor said people with autism don't view others as human and obsess over things no one else cares about . He believed autism was caused by environmental pollution. I have learned to accept that no one is perfect . There may be smug , judgemental people who believe they are perfect, but they are far from it. :roll: usually, i am my own worst critic.sorry for the misspelled words.



SocOfAutism
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12 Mar 2016, 9:14 am

Could we have some more information? I have some specific questions that might get you started:

1) How old are you?
2) Are you a male?
3) Are you in a class or program with these people that is about to end? Do you anticipate seeing them again?
4) Why do you think you were called a "slut"?
5) Did anyone officially complain about you to the dean? If so, why?

If you are a male who is being called a slut, that tells me that you are either being gay-bashed (whether or not you are gay) AND/OR someone had a crush on you and became upset because they thought you were romantically linked to someone else.

If someone complained about you, this could be from accidentally being rude, which we have all done, even people not on the autism spectrum. Or, it could be that someone was a jerk to you and you responded a little too strongly, so when the other person reported the incident they minimized their involvement and exaggerated yours.

But I'm just guessing. I need more information in order to give you effective feedback.



aja675
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12 Mar 2016, 10:11 am

I am 19 going on 20, and I am a graduating student. By the way, let me give you an idea about the Philippine education system: right now, grade school is from 7-12, high school is from 13-16, and college is from 17-20. Besides, I was put ahead when I was in preschool because I could already read at 3, which is why I am a college senior despite being a year younger than everyone else.