Using marketing to get a girlfriend

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A bunch of people tell you that you should learn to market yourself. Right now I'm taking that advice pretty literally. Unfortunately I have no clue what my target audience actually wants. I'm not even sure what my target. All I can think of is what my target audience isn't. Part of this is kind of a wishlist.

My target audience is

- females aged 18-23
- identifies as queer*
- a girl who isn't too awkward or inexperienced with life
- a girl who will see me as an equal
* I might be open to being with bicurious girls to get more experience, but being bicurious is a huge turn-off for me.

The last two things are very important to me. I don't find it attractive when a girl is awkward or too inexperienced in life. Unfortunately I'm very awkward and inexperienced in life. It's highly unlikely the girls I find attractive will see me as an equal. The type of girl I'm going for might find my awkwardness, obsessiveness or lack of experience endearing. Unfortunately endearment interferes with being seen as an equal. In other words I can't play the adorkable card.

What I've tried
I cut off my long brown hair and dyed it blue to look less wholesome. Blue is my favorite color, so I didn't just dye it to look less wholesome. The weird part is, I still manage to look wholesome with blue hair. Old ladies compliment it. Nothing wrong with compliments, but that's probably a sign I still look as wholesome as I did before.
I've tried to change the way I dressed in the past, but never really worked out. I finally settled on a slightly hipsterish look. I've tried cutesey looks to imitate the babydoll grunge vibe. You know those punk girls who dressed cutesy, but weren't actually innocent. When I copy their looks I just end up looking more innocent and childlike. Not what I was going for.
I also get inspired by the manic pixie dream girl vibe. Unfortunately that attracts the wrong audience. I'll describe it below.
The wrong audience #1
- straight male
- ages 18-25
- socially awkward and no social life
- into anime
- looks like a stereotypical neckbeard

When I had long brown hair I attracted these groups
The wrong audience #2
- straight male
- ages 20-28
- boring and generic interests
- believes in gender roles

With the girls I do want to attract there's some stuff I'm in the process of trying. One example is seeming more spontaneous. I spend a lot of time overthinking things, so that makes me the opposite of spontaneous. I often think of ways to seem less like an over thinker. That includes finding ways to make my sentences sound less stilted and being open to stuff. I'm also trying to find stuff that I've done that's considered spontaneous or open-minded and emphasize that stuff.

Hi while I get your trying to market yourself to your target audience you have to remember that if you change yourself too much people are expecting a different product than yourself. Instead it is more of a hit or miss as to whether or not you find the right person.

I am straight and often attract gay women and I'm not sure why as I have brown hair so I'm not sure dying your hair will make a huge difference (but blue hair is awesome so rock it!!) Maybe try online dating or hanging around areas where your target audience is most likely to be. Put yourself put there and talk to people you find attractive and if they aren't gay or you don't care for them then just keep looking I hope this helps and isn't just me rambling

That reminds me of my parody thread "I am Overweight yet I don't want an overweight girl" ... since you're inexperienced and awkward yourself, don't you really feel you're being unfair for not giving awkward and inexperienced girls (like you) a fair chance?

If she's attractive to you and share similar interests/values then why you so care about her experience? It's an odd criteria, does her inexperience make her less attractive to you? it is a wrong mindset to search for someone on the basis she compensates your shortcomings.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Mar 2016, 5:10 am, edited 1 time in total.

^ I don't think it's unfair, for the most part we can't control who we are and aren't attracted to. But it's definitely going to make things difficult.

I'm curious, what does "inexperienced with life" mean? Isn't everyone who is alive experiencing life? Are there particular things you want her to have seen or done? Can you tell if someone is experienced in life before you get to know them? Perhaps you could be attracted to someone before knowing how experienced they are, then discover they are inexperienced, but too late, you are in love, and BAM! There's your equal

Duh...such a cliche thing that I hear a lot from women especially.

This is ridiculous, yes, you can control some of the things if there's the will, for instance you can rule out some silly vague criteria from your head like experience.

That is why I said "for the most part". Of course there are some things we can control.

Inexperienced in life to me means they haven't done much stuff on their own. People who like to stay inside all day and watch Netflix or play video games. People who are very wholesome and into following the rules.

I find people who are more on the inexperienced side tend to be boring to me. For me "inexperienced in life" is code for boring. It's mostly for general marketinging. I want to make myself attractive to girls who are more experienced in life. Doesn't mean I won't be attracted to or attract girls who are less experienced. It's just a group I'm more attracted to.

I definitely have to find a balance between someone who's interesting to me and someone who's my "equal". There's a chance that someone who's interesting to me will see as an equal, but I think I have to manipulate things a bit for that to happen.

How could you not be seen as an equal?

Someone who loves you naturally should if they're relationship material.

Are you talking about indepedendent, work-hard, play-hard women who might see someone like you as more of a starry-eyed little girl to their eyes with an innocent view of the world instead of the woman you are and want to be treated as?

I'm just scared of being seen more like a little puppy dog than an actual equal. Since people find awkwardness and lack of experience endearing they're probably less likely to see me as an actual equal. I just want experience. I don't expect to fall in love.

I dunno, assuming you're in school join the LGBTQ club. I don't think people would judge you for your inexperience in that setting and maybe you'd meet somebody who is or was in a similar situation.

Like guys, people(at least not people you're interested in) aren't going to be attracted to you just by you existing and throw themselves at your feet. You have to at least put yourself in the same room with them.

There are a lot of specifics brought up by the OP though, so I question how much of them would actually hold up should she meet someone she likes. But of course I also think a big part of compatibility at least is chemistry, you think you have a bunch of nit-picking things you would never over-look or accept in a S.O but if you experience the right chemistry with someone...boom a lot of that will be thrown right out the window.

That you cant control who you're attracted to is true, however that doesn't mean what a lot of people think, it doesn't mean the pre-concieved notions of the mate you want are necessarily what you're attracted to when it actually comes down to it. Also, some of what people think is attractive or unattractive is also based on conditioning but to the conscious mind it's hard to tell that apart from natural preferences.

This isn't really a criteria. It's more about what type of person I want to attract. Would you rather attract men your age or creepy old men? The way you present yourself will affect who you attract. I want to attract girls who are about my age and interesting. Interesting could mean a lot of things. I'm trying to figure out how I can attract more girls that are interesting to me.

Maybe you are not as interesting as you think you are.

That is what a criteria is...the list of traits you want and do not want in an S.O, I am just saying sometimes that doesn't stay set in stone especially if you meet someone you like and happen to have great chemistry with them.

Also my boyfriend is 5 years older, and for the past couple years I've certainly found I find guys a few years older than me more appealing than my age or slightly younger even expanded the age range I was looking in on OKcupid. Creepy old men are certainly out...well really old men in general, as I am not one of those obscure 20 somethings who dig old men and/or women.

And I am not really sure what exactly makes someone interesting to you...if its more life experience then I'd think looking at people a couple to a few years older than you might be an idea as they've lived through more than you thus far. I do know that molding yourself to fit some particular image that isn't really you is a terrible way to try and attract someone though so I just hope you aren't taking it to that extent.

So...you want to meet a "bad boy" type (except it would be a girl)? A rebel who gets high, or something like that? You dont like "wholesome".