Is anyone else submissive?

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I'm a pretty submissive person, to the point where I will sacrifice my own interests for others. Voicing my wants and needs is often a very uncomfortable experience, which creates a lot of problems in my life. Additionally, I'm always attempting to agree and support others, for fear of being disliked. My gut tells me this is some method of compensation from a traumatic event I had as a child, which leads me to believe it is a mild form of PTSD. Anyone have an idea as to how to deal with this?

My current counsellor keeps telling me off for being so submissive, and a similar need to keep other people placated.

Whether it is related to trauma is hard to say. For many years, prior to my autism diagnosis, mental health workers attributed many of my problems to my parents' divorce when I was in my teens. This always seemed odd to me, as I barely even remember the event - I was already too wrapped up in my autistic obsessions, and I was indifferent to the parent who left home long before the event (and I do mean indifferent, there was never any anger, malice or feeling of rejection that I can recall.)

What I realise now, is that submit in order to "protect" myself from situations where my social impairments would leave me hopelessly lost. I just can't process a negotiation or confrontation fast enough to really hold my own when trying to present a case, so I learned a dysfunctional way to cope with it by reciting my "Sure, that's fine." script - I barely even notice that I'm doing it many times.

Of course, it doesn't really work in the long run. For example, in my last job, things went badly wrong because I unthinkingly agreed to take on tasks that I was neither suited to, nor had free time in my workload to perform. And it can give people the wrong impression of how you feel about something - which simply adds to the mutual misunderstandings that the social impairments might lead to in the first place.

If you have a specific trauma in mind that may have been a trigger, then it might not be autism related behaviour for you, of course - but it may be worth considering as a possibility. In either case, I would begin to tackle it by seeking counselling - specifically for assertiveness if possible, as that tends to concentrate on the here-and-now rather than dwelling on the past. I have a long way to go, but working with a good counsellor, I have started to be able to stick up for myself much more than I used to. Most importantly, I am learning to negotiate the time I need to reach a proper decision, so that there isn't so much pressure to make a snap decision where I'll take the habitual easy way out.

I wouldnt really call myself submissive but i am very easily manipulated.

Im actually quite defiant with authority figures: if a rule doesnt make sense im not gonna blindly follow it, its as Spock would say: illogical.

For example,there is a area at my high school which does not allow food or drink, i went to the area with a completely empty bottle and a teacher told me to leave or put it away, i said it was empty and they said it doesn't matter. That makes NO sense, the reason they did not allow food or drink is because it is a place with many electrical outlets and is generally a place for computers, if i had NO food or drink then i was following the rules therefore DID NOT need to put my bottle away. i got in a argument with the teacher for quite a while.

I'm more like indecisive than submissive when I cannot choose because I had no idea what's what, not because someone wants it that way.

The reason why I often follow because I cannot sync and I don't know what they like or dislike. I can stand up for myself, say 'no' and tell them to do things for themselves. I'm not as needy to ask things for me anyway, so others are likely to complain when things are not their way.

As for following the rules, I don't follow unreasonable ones. If someone tells me what to do, I always ask questions first, then see the truth in it before concluding whether to follow it or not.

Lastly, voicing my opinion and needs isn't the issue because I prefer to learn stuff, yet that doesn't mean agreeing and supporting it. I simply want certain specifics and a right to choose because I can and what would I.
If people won't give me a choice, I can either ditch them, or surprise them...


Don't always have to agree with everything; it's impossible. Even all-neutral-grey and black-and-whites has it's own dilemmas.
Always know they're capable of doing something for themselves, so why letting them making you do things?
Lastly one has to learn their own ways, whether right or wrong, and take responsibility for their choices.

I maybe socially clueless, yet I know what I'm doing.

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There's nothing wrong with being submissive as long as you are aware that there are people out there who enjoy taking advantage of submissiveness.

learning how and when to say "no" in certain circumstances will make for a much happier and content sub.

i'm a mouse. squeak.

Autistic & queer, raised by old-school conservative Christian parents that believed strongly in corporal punishment, gaslighting and shaming, I was taught that my needs and wants don't really exist. There are certain development stages where a child learns how to relate to the world around them and they are not good times to be traumatized. I've made my peace with it now, mostly, but I still can't be made to believe I can want things, or have silly wishes or preferences.

I tend to be submissive. I am more of a people pleaser but I think I am getting better at it. I want to be myself and not be influenced by other opinions or because I am afraid I will be the bad guy or an ass because of my opinion that might be unpopular. But to this day I still give into my mother when she tells me what to do as if I am still a child even though I want to stand up for myself. I also do not like conflicts so I will go with the flow, I also do not like consequence so I will follow the rules blindly unless I can easily get away with it. When in groups, I refuse to have my own ideas and just go with what people do and this was how I got through group projects in school, just do what they do and write they they write and I am just sitting there doing nothing while they do all the work and at least I didn't have to do it on my own.

I think mine may be part autism related and the rest might be due to personal experience so it made me more submissive. It also makes me more vulnerable to pressure so I can be forced to do things I don't want to do. I just need to be stronger is all if anyone tries to push me and not take no for an answer. I avoid sales people for this reason and online I can just sign off or hit the block button if this happens and problem solved. I am also trying to learn to just hang up if I get a cold call and that it's okay to be rude in this situation. They are the ones being rude by not taking no for an answer and I know they are just doing their jobs so I am sure they won't take it personal if I just hung up on them. I just have to toughen up and get rude and not worry about offending them or being rude. I also have to learn to be rude to strangers in public too if they take no for an answer. This is where I also feel I am a people pleaser. But I can easily shake my head as I walk if someone tries to ask me for change or sell me something.

Afraid of loud voices, male voices, swearing, my name said loud, that all made worse later, more than earlier but it was prepared. Choked, beaten, thrown out, shamed, accused and told to go suicide myself, all for my own good ofcourse!
I cant say no, thinking of that makes me feel so guilty.

Was submissive a lot when I was younger, wanted friends more desperately then now, and Guess I was because it was a way that got People to like me, I adopted their interests etc and by this strategy I got them to become my friend. Always be smiling and helpful too, no matter the situation. Exhausting and making me have a breakdown in the end, since I was doing this to a lot of different People simultaneously. Nowadays, try to have a more Clear idea of what I am like, my opinions, my habits, my interests, and rather prefer my own Company and being alone a lot, unless a person matches me as a friend, being a submissive people-pleaser will make me crumble With mental issues, loose my Identity and be screwed over by jerks.

I'm thinking about having a diary again, to analyze myself, my life and my interactions With People, to figure out a more solid plan for my life, and figuring out my principles for different aspects of life, to guide myself better to my own goals and principles and stick to them, and be less confused in general, that way, People can't use my confusion to manipulate me.

I'm much less submissive than I used to be, though I sometimes don't even cross the line to assertiveness.

I found that me being submissive didn't get me anywhere in life. No purpose was served by it.

I started doing better in life when I stopped being afraid of my own shadow.

Very.

I'm afraid to even say what I want any more, or to honestly answer any question along the lines of "what's wrong," or do anything other than what I believe someone else wants me to do. When I don't know what someone else wants me to do I often shut down completely.

There are many times when corporal punishment does cause people to fear others; hence, they are submissive.

I don't know if I would call it PTSD.....but that sort of fear definitely exists.

I can't believe that, Lyra! You are most outspoken here on WP!