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warpos
Butterfly
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15 Mar 2016, 5:33 am

Hi there everyone.

I'm not sure whether to bother seeking a diagnosis, if my case isn't Clear enough, I don't want to Waste time and Money on it. 27 years old, female, has one child. Thought I'd just describe myself in my childhood, in my teenage years I went off the rails With drugs becoming this Manic hippie dropout persona. So what I've been like in the recent years won't be very relevant I think, I've been depressed and in an abusive realtionship. I'm pretty smart, thinks in Pictures a lot.

Ok, kindergarden there was nothing in particular Worth mentioning, except I strictly prefered to play With boys.

Skip forward to age 7-9 years old. Couldn't relate to the Girls in my School at all, they were into clothes and Spice Girls blablabla, and the boys didn't want me around anymore, I quit going to School because I didn't like the other kids at all, I was beating everyone in my class up I think, and my younger siblings too. Had violent tantrums. Was bullied for being "weirdo in my head", and having a hyena-laugh and being clumsy (couldn't throw a ball more than 1 m). So I stayed at home, spending my days Reading books, walking barefoot in the Woods all day having imaginary conversations With Laura Ingalls ( :-P) and other fictional characters, and sitting on rocks and making up alternative stories, where I was a character in these books as well. I was obsessed With wolfes, knew everything about them, read up on them. My friends were my teddybear, a doll, some wolf-figures and Our cat, and we went into the Woods together, did not miss having real friends at all. Was very happy this period of my life, but my mother was stressing out over my behaviour, that worried me.

We moved when I was 10. Was still obsessed With Wolves. And then the chinese revolution, and horses. Remembering irritating People With talking to much about this subjects, telling them every detail. Was still skipping School, being bullied for being Garbage on two legs (I just wore the same clothes all the time until they were falling of or being too small, didn't understand fashions, they were just functional stuff to me, and I wanted to wear my favorite (and weird) pieces day in and day out). yes, and I was smelly according to my mother, she had to keep reminding me to shower. sstill loved being alone in the Woods, I was pretending to be a wolf, and was bullied because I was running around howling all day in School. Other than that, a favourite Activity was "cleaning the Creeks". Creeks behind the School, whenever they made a turn, sticks/stuff would gather there so the stream couldn't flow properly, so I was spending hours and hours walking around and fixing this :-P Was stilll violent to my Family and some friends and had rage tantrums. Also laughing fits that were uncontrollable. Brought Dolls With me to play to a lot of unusual occasions, till I was 13-14, none of my friends did that. Was still physically uncoordinated, was teased for my poor handwriting. And other Girls could Dance elegantly, whenever I would try I was just bumping across the floor or falling in my own legs, I had no flow whatsoever, and I just couldn't keep track With my head With the speed and the flow etc.
Other than this, I collected different grass-seeds and kept my Collection in the garage, was so comforting to run my hands through them. And capes for different imaginary characters I was running around in the Woods making up stories about myself pretending to be them. Was constantly reading fantasy books, I even got special permission from my mother to do it when having meals cause I was so absorbed by them. Whenever I cleaned my room, I had to go over all of the floor swiping With my hands afterwords, to collect every last piece of missing dust. And I was obsessed With the number 5, so the clock had to be something With 5/0 for me to start NeXT Activity. 7.50 in the morning I always left home. And I was anorectic when I was 14-15, I didn't want my body to change and have curves, and I was obsessed With "My numbers". They were BMI 15, 200 pushups every evening and 500 situps. So I think the eating disorder was more related to my Obsessions With these numbers and rituals, not beauty standards (seriously, I had no Clue about Girls stuff and fashion and those kinds of Things). And anxiety and selfharm was also an issue at this age.

Sensory issues? better smell than anyone I know, People wearing perfumes is an issue for me. Bothered by sounds, but not a lot more than normal people I think. Do not like bodily contact. Social skills? I don't know what to say, problems With friends when under 10 years of age, after that I got friends, but I was always this hyper-weird clown person around people, wasn't Close to anyone, only felt Close and opened up to horses. Never felt anyone understood me, feels like only 3 People kinda gets me at all. Can get friends putting on a charming, pleasing act, but it's exhausting, and I get mental issues that way if I overdo it, loosing my Identity over the years, so prefer my own Company nowadays.

Yep, and at 16 we moved and I lost my good influencing friends, and I started doing drugs and alcohol and being a people-pleaser to everyone to have friends (including abusive People) and became completely unstable and agressive and clownish and dropped out of School, and it's all been going downhill ever since. But nevermind this. Just wanted to know if anybody has any thoughts about how I was as a kid?



warpos
Butterfly
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15 Mar 2016, 5:36 am

Ups, this was quite long :-P just wanted to add that I have some of the physical behaviour as well, staring, stiff arms and finger flicking, and sometimes semi-spinning. And to this day, I keep loosing stuff, and getting lost in time and Space.



warpos
Butterfly
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16 Mar 2016, 8:44 am

I'd really apreciate any input here. The thing is, my ex-partner has my Our daughter now, and claims I'm an unfit parent, and I was given an incorrect diagnosis of borderline when I was in psyciatric ward beause of a nervous breakdown some years ago. So if there's a possibility that I could get a diagnosis of mild aspergers instead, it would really help (it would be Nice to have a Professional agree on that I'm "unstable" because of lack of routines and too much drama around me, not because I'm a disturbed and sick person (as the ex is trying to claim.)

And my kid is just like me and we just love spinning and jumping around together and I would so like for her to come With me and live in the Woods With animals and flowers :heart: If we both are aspies, we should be together, since we understand each other like no one else. She 3 years old, and she's reluctant to go to kindergarden because of all the noise, the annoying kids that talks too much and jokes too much, and just want to be home and be alone and build Things.



BTDT
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16 Mar 2016, 9:49 am

It seems that it is much easier for an adult be diagnosed as being on the spectrum if their kid is diagnosed at the same time, because there is some sort of genetic link.

http://blog.donnawilliams.net/2011/04/2 ... aspergers/
This blog asks where the services are for "mild" adult Aspergers.
Truth is, there is a ton of need for diagnosed adults with real mental health issues--I personally know someone who told me that the services went away when she became an adult--she still gets a disability payment but really could use mental health services.



Eisbaer
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16 Mar 2016, 10:08 am

I am 30 years old and was diagnosed this year. My son is 3 and was diagnosed at 2. I have always lived on the fringe of the social world and never had many friends. Always had the obsessive interests and inappropriate expression of them around others. Being in public or in a chaotic family gathering is incredibly difficult and sometimes even traumatic for me. I can't handle long periods of loud noise and have actually worked in a job that REQUIRED this of me for 11 years. I'm getting a new job very soon and that will make things easier I believe.

My advice to you is to consider what a diagnosis would ultimately achieve for you. When I was diagnosed I was incredibly relieved at first to finally be able to understand why my entire life had played out the way it had. There was also a sense of belonging largely because of WrongPlanet and a sort of awkward pride knowing I share a similar brain structure to people like Einstein.

Now, because of my diagnosis I feel even more isolated and most people who find out about my diagnosis doubt it or claim that I'm playing the victim or simply roll their eyes. On the bright side, it is much easier to cut people out of your life whose first reaction to you is doubt and contempt. There are no doubts about who truly has your back once you're diagnosed and those that do not have no place in your life.



CrunchyChronicles
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16 Mar 2016, 1:39 pm

Getting your diagnose changed is not going to be easy,female asd and bpd look very similar on paper.
(I dont think people who suffer from bpd are sick or disturbed, they often had very traumatising experiences causing the bpd)
In regards to your daughter,you are in a difficult situation. changing from bpd to asd wont suddenly make you a fit parent on paper. Bpd is psychological an can be cured with therapy, asd is neurological you can't change your hardware. (In my country there is little to no help for adult asd)
if anything i think that would make it even easier for your daughters father to say that you can not change and there for you will always be an unfit parent. Especially if there is no professional help available. (Maybe that is different over there)
My advice would be to think twice about it, but that is my perception and i could be mistaken.



Last edited by CrunchyChronicles on 16 Mar 2016, 2:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Pergerlady
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16 Mar 2016, 1:49 pm

I would say go for it. Even if it's not autism, it sounds like you certainly have something going on. Besides, it's better to spend the time and money but find out that you're not autistic than live your whole life without ever knowing.



warpos
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16 Mar 2016, 4:46 pm

Hmm, ok I scored 39 on the AQ and 154 on the rdos Aspie-quiz. So its not very obvious aspie I Guess.

I only really recognize some of the raging in bpd. Cause I get frustrated when I feel I can't communicate With People, especially when I'm troubled cause then when I try talking to someone, what I hope for is to get help sorting through the mess on my mind, like logically going stepwise through the situation/mess Im in and reason through my possibilities for the best solution, but people sort of respond With comforting and niceness and blablabla... Ive only self-harmed ca 5 times.. I don't run around being impulsive and destructive, I stay at home alone and Reading.

I have a cousin in spec. ed. With asperger on one side of the Family (and my grandmother here is very weird and controlling), and my grandfather on the other side has gotta be (he's spent all his life in the garage, the backyard and his clutter room, either building machines, reading about them or sketching/inventing New ones, and that's all he ever talks about to everyones utter annoyance). A "crazy" alcoholic uncle. And my Brother is being teased all the time by his friends for being "autistic" (he's not, he's just a Math geek). If a pscychologist is unsure about fitting diagnosis, isn't these Points about my Family something to be taking into consideration.

Ok, I think I will seek screening, now when I've seen all of this on paper. Just want my daughter back <3

And yes. Wouldn't it be healthier for my daughter to be With me if we're both aspies? Isn't that an important point? Wouldn't it be better for her to grow up With someone there who actually get's how life is like for her, and know how to deal With it and say the right Things? Isn't there a big chance of getting personality disorders if you grow up contantly clashing With people, frustrated from never being understood by or relating to anyone?



BTDT
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16 Mar 2016, 5:17 pm

In my particular case, my father and his relatives were the ones that showed me how to interact with the "real world." I learned a lot of useful stuff about how business really works, as well as how people in the office are suppose to interact. Of course, being an older Aspie, I grew up in a time before folks were properly diagnosed, so I had to figure it out on my own.



warpos
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16 Mar 2016, 5:33 pm

My dad said that to cope With the world socially was much easier when he and my grandparents grew up, social norms about behaviour were stricter, roles and behaviour you were expected to fill were more defined. He thinks nowadays everything is a chaotic mess, the Whole world intertwined because of Technology and global interaction, the consumerist city culture we live in instead of peaceful smalltowns, gender roles and what is age-appropriate behaviours are being broken Down etc. No Wonder it seems many People from all over society is confused and frustrated these days and mental issues is rising, the world and capitalism is speeding up, and chaotic waters to manuever for everyone.



BTDT
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17 Mar 2016, 9:33 am

Your father was really lucky. My father was a WWII war refugee--that war was a real mess for just about anyone living at that time.



warpos
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18 Mar 2016, 5:30 am

Yep, the war was terrible for my granddad too, after the war he gave up on People and his tecnology-obsession started taking over, he just couldn't take it anymore, and retreated into his inventions completely.



carbonmonoxide
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18 Mar 2016, 6:59 am

warpos wrote:

Wouldn't it be healthier for my daughter to be With me if we're both aspies? Isn't that an important point? Wouldn't it be better for her to grow up With someone there who actually get's how life is like for her, and know how to deal With it and say the right Things? Isn't there a big chance of getting personality disorders if you grow up contantly clashing With people, frustrated from never being understood by or relating to anyone?


I don't think this is that relevant. NT parent may explain the NT world to the autistic child better and as long as there an awareness, it should be all fine.



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18 Mar 2016, 8:05 am

carbonmonoxide wrote:

I don't think this is that relevant. NT parent may explain the NT world to the autistic child better and as long as there an awareness, it should be all fine.


In my case, the NT parent showed me what I was suppose to do. The clueless leading the clueless doesn't work very well.