Universally Regarded Attractive People With Aspergers

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Hopeless_Aspie_Guy
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28 Mar 2016, 3:31 pm

Let’s just get out of the way the fact that in this discussion I’m not thinking of any person in particular (at least not necessarily on this or any forum), nor am I seeking to judge any speaking on here for their attractiveness.
For me personally, internal attraction seems so much more likely with women on the spectrum (for any number of reasons relating to personality, opinions or common interests etc). But do you get many aspie women (those who actually sometimes really struggle socially rather than those mildly on the spectrum) who have the looks of an atypical glamour model or simply one that many guys found attractive in school (rather than just other guys unknowingly on the spectrum) if just until they discovered she was socially awkward, became uncomfortable around her and looked to NT women instead. I kind of get the impression that those women that are an aspie and are regarded beautiful on a more universal level (rather than by the smaller group of individuals of whom I would not regard as a pertinent example) are only mildly on the spectrum and would still easily intimidate and probably overlook other aspie guys (like me and the majority who are and may forever go without a girl for whom they do not feel they ‘settled for’ rather than ‘settled with’). The same could be true of guys too, but as I’m a hetrosexual guy (one wishing there he was ‘asexual’, but without even the ability to be attracted to others, as is still apparently true of asexuals) please forgive the one gender sided view of this thread.

My point is that it’s actually seemingly easier than I realized for an aspie guy to couple with an aspie girl, but if that aspie guy ends up realizing why this aspie girl was so easy to get with, has gone without much love interest for so long or comes to see her as someone he merely ‘settled for’, then very quickly she is nothing more than a friend at best and still does not serve as proof that he could eventually get a girlfriend he could genuinely and wholly love (like so many other NT’s would quickly or eventually do, without ‘settling for’ someone).

Your thoughts please….????
:heart:


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RubyTates
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29 Mar 2016, 8:52 pm

Well- some of us don't want relationships because we see the nonsense that goes on in NT relationships, therefore, we are harder to please sometimes because we look for intellectual stimulation rather than purely physical stimulation. I've turned down offers from guys because they just could not keep me interested in them that way because I was always looking for something more meaningful and deeper to share with them. I don't consider myself easy to get with at all and have seen many attractive NT women get with those guys so I would consider them easier than me. i feel like if a person with Aspergers likes you and wants to hang out with you, it's because they are interested in your mind and what you have to say, which would make them much harder to get than your average female. Just my two cents.



Outrider
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30 Mar 2016, 2:53 am

Ah, so not only are they statistically rare, but they're hard to please?

Not necessarily a bad thing. I am as well - but at least aspie males are far more common; common enough that you're likely to meet at least a few in your life.

Meanwhile, I have only ever met one single aspie female in my entire life, and, yes, I did try and get to know her and date her, but she wasn't interested.

But maybe her standards just weren't high, as the amount of relationships she had was actually equal to the amount N.T's usually do - five relationships in five years of high school, and at least one guy taking her out on three dates (me).

Anyway, I'm having trouble understanding what you're saying OP.

In my experiences, I consider myself decently fit and attractive - I workout and have a fairly lean body for my age, I take care of my appearance and hygiene, and I'm capable of growing a thick beard for my age (which adds rugged masculinity, something females might like).

and yeah, I have gotten quite a bit of attention.

It hasn't actually happened very often to me though, when they speak to me and realize I'm awkward.

I guess what has happened is, people get a false idea of my personality because of how I come across, and are disappointed when I be myself with them - very upsetting it's my personality that drives them away. :(

Thing is, I come across as a 'bro/jock' guy.

I am a bit of a 'bro' male, about 25% of me, but I'm more than that, and girls easily get bored when they realize I'm a bit more nerdier than that.

Not sure about your country, but at least in Australia's, it's typically 'bro' males who were in the popular crowd in high school, and the popular crowd were even initially welcoming to me, because I possibly just had that 'look' to me, and throughout my life other 'bro' males have always been the one's to approach me for friendship.

So it's usually the shallow, uptight, universally attractive conventional tryhard model females who give me attention, but like RubyTates says these girls bore me quickly and are also turned off by me when I didn't live up to their hopes.



Hopeless_Aspie_Guy
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30 Mar 2016, 7:31 pm

Outrider wrote:
I have only ever met one single aspie female in my entire life, and, yes, I did try and get to know her and date her, but she wasn't interested.

Anyway, I'm having trouble understanding what you're saying OP.

and yeah, I have gotten quite a bit of attention.
It hasn't actually happened very often to me though, when they speak to me and realize I'm awkward.
I guess what has happened is, people get a false idea of my personality because of how I come across, and are disappointed when I be myself with them - very upsetting it's my personality that drives them away. :(
Thing is, I come across as a 'bro/jock' guy.
I am a bit of a 'bro' male, about 25% of me, but I'm more than that, and girls easily get bored when they realize I'm a bit more nerdier than that.
Not sure about your country, but at least in Australia's, it's typically 'bro' males who were in the popular crowd in high school, and the popular crowd were even initially welcoming to me, because I possibly just had that 'look' to me, and throughout my life other 'bro' males have always been the one's to approach me for friendship.


Well, you're lucky in some respects then and may have an eventual recipe for romantic success. Me on the other hand, looks wise I'm average and not since my cuter looking child/early teen years have I had female attention. It must be hard for you seeing their look of disappointment just because they're not diverse enough to appreciate you, but it's better than what I get.

RubyTates wrote:
Well- some of us don't want relationships because we see the nonsense that goes on in NT relationships, therefore, we are harder to please sometimes because we look for intellectual stimulation rather than purely physical stimulation. I've turned down offers from guys because they just could not keep me interested in them that way because I was always looking for something more meaningful and deeper to share with them. I don't consider myself easy to get with at all and have seen many attractive NT women get with those guys so I would consider them easier than me. i feel like if a person with Aspergers likes you and wants to hang out with you, it's because they are interested in your mind and what you have to say, which would make them much harder to get than your average female. Just my two cents.

I don't want your 2 cents thanks, cents and dollars don't do jack sh*t here in the UK :lol:
You make some interesting (if apparently hardly unsuprisng points, as indeed in other forums it seems all to clear how aspie girls and guys view attraction), but for me their must be lot's of physical attraction with an equal amount of personality and a small hint of sexual attraction.


_________________
RDOS: Final version 3- Neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 101 of 200. Neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 141 of 200
AQ Test- 29. RAADS-R Test- 72