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CryptoNerd
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30 Mar 2016, 11:12 am

So here's the situation. There's this girl at the clubhouse I go to that I have a mild crush on. There's this other guy there who likes her (she seems to be popular with guys because she's physically attractive), and they're friends. When I say they're friends, I mean he's following her around, being nice to her, and doing her random favors so that she will f**k him. Often he hugs her, and she's okay with that. The other day, after they hugged, he tried to kiss her, and she rejected him. "Okay," I thought, "Typical Nice Guy getting turned down. Maybe he'll stop." But now, even after being rejected, he's continuing to pursue her. Yesterday he tried to kiss her again and told her "But you're mine." Today he asked her to go somewhere with him on his birthday (which isn't until June). She said yes, I guess because she considers him a friend and it would be for his birthday. Then he asked her to come hang out at his place afterward, to which she said no. Later, when I was talking to her, being the shy, awkward guy I am, just trying to have a conversation with a girl I like, he comes over and sits down next to her and hijacks the conversation, saying "I want to talk to you." I said to him "You just won't take no for an answer, will you?" She told me "It's okay. We're friends." So that's basically what's going on. This guy is really starting to irritate me.



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30 Mar 2016, 12:48 pm

You've been bitten by the green-eyed monster known as "Jealousy". If she has already chosen him over you, then you may as well give up. Confident guys win out over shy, awkward guys every time.


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CryptoNerd
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30 Mar 2016, 12:56 pm

Fnord wrote:
You've been bitten by the green-eyed monster known as "Jealousy". If she has already chosen him over you, then you may as well give up. Confident guys win out over shy, awkward guys every time.


Did you even read the OP? She didn't choose him. She rejected him. And now he's continuing to pursue a relationship even though she's made it completely clear that she's not interested.



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30 Mar 2016, 1:35 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You've been bitten by the green-eyed monster known as "Jealousy". If she has already chosen him over you, then you may as well give up. Confident guys win out over shy, awkward guys every time.
Did you even read the OP? She didn't choose him. She rejected him. And now he's continuing to pursue a relationship even though she's made it completely clear that she's not interested.
"It's okay, we're friends" is not something to say about someone after having rejected them. Turning down a kiss may have no other cause than she didn't like the way his breath smelled. Many women also don't like being kissed in public, but go all passionate in private.

Face it: He's won, and you've lost. Either walk away from it or confront him directly.

Or maybe just leave it up to her to decide whom she prefers.


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30 Mar 2016, 1:38 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You've been bitten by the green-eyed monster known as "Jealousy". If she has already chosen him over you, then you may as well give up. Confident guys win out over shy, awkward guys every time.


Did you even read the OP? She didn't choose him. She rejected him. And now he's continuing to pursue a relationship even though she's made it completely clear that she's not interested.


I think you're being a bit naive. She rejected him with words, but as you describe the situation, not with her behaviour. If she really didn't want him around she would never tolerate him telling her "she's his" nor would she protect him and call him a friend when you told him to piss off.

Sorry, unless she's extremely naive and inexperienced herself or is actually afraid of him, she's tolerating his advances and encouraging him to try harder. If you want to understand NT flirting and courtship (and other interactions), you shouldn't listen to the words, but watch the behaviour and body-language, .


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CryptoNerd
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30 Mar 2016, 1:58 pm

Thing is, she's actually not an NT. The clubhouse is for mentally ill people.



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30 Mar 2016, 2:02 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
Thing is, she's actually not an NT. The clubhouse is for mentally ill people.


Well then, I wish you luck. Just be a bit careful though, I remember too well my young self embarrassing himself over things everybody else found obvious :)


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30 Mar 2016, 2:14 pm

Fnord wrote:
CryptoNerd wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You've been bitten by the green-eyed monster known as "Jealousy". If she has already chosen him over you, then you may as well give up. Confident guys win out over shy, awkward guys every time.
Did you even read the OP? She didn't choose him. She rejected him. And now he's continuing to pursue a relationship even though she's made it completely clear that she's not interested.
"It's okay, we're friends" is not something to say about someone after having rejected them. Turning down a kiss may have no other cause than she didn't like the way his breath smelled. Many women also don't like being kissed in public, but go all passionate in private.

Face it: He's won, and you've lost. Either walk away from it or confront him directly.

Or maybe just leave it up to her to decide whom she prefers.


I'm with you, Fnord. Sounds like she's just playing hard to get. She may be just a "good" girl - wanting to go out with him and be friends, but isn't ready for serious stuff yet like kissing and going to his house. She probably doesn't want to look like she's "easy".


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30 Mar 2016, 2:16 pm

CryptoNerd wrote:
Thing is, she's actually not an NT. The clubhouse is for mentally ill people.


I really don't get this kind of comment - or the comments where people say "I just know they're Aspie."
How do you know? Do they carry an "NT" or "Aspie" card on them? Without a definite diagnosis, whether a person is NT or Aspie is up in the air.


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30 Mar 2016, 2:35 pm

nurseangela wrote:
I really don't get this kind of comment - or the comments where people say "I just know they're Aspie."
How do you know? Do they carry an "NT" or "Aspie" card on them? Without a definite diagnosis, whether a person is NT or Aspie is up in the air.

Not being NT doesn't nesesarily make someone autistic, it just means that they have some sort of psychological disorder. Given that the club is specificly for people with psychological disorders, I'd say the assumption that she is not NT is a good one. It's like assuming that someone you met at a car show is interested in cars.


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Whispers
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30 Mar 2016, 4:22 pm

I can understand the attitude of the girl: she only wants a friendship with the other guy and doesn't want to be rude with him, even after how much he is deserving it.

If I was her, I would start to get quite anxious about that. The limit between flirting and harassment is only a step away of that, and can be scary even.

I'm not the best person for giving advices now, but I hope that it's not true that the outgoing and direct guy gets the girl. Be yourself and let her know you and with the time you will be 10x more attractive that the one that is calling the attention that way.


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30 Mar 2016, 4:41 pm

Either way only she can decide what she wants.



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30 Mar 2016, 6:26 pm

Whispers wrote:
I can understand the attitude of the girl: she only wants a friendship with the other guy and doesn't want to be rude with him, even after how much he is deserving it


This.

OP, I've only got what you have expressed to go on but going by that, it sounds as tho she's not interested, wants to keep his friendship and by staying passive, it sounds like she hopes his interest will just 'go away' without any need for confrontation (having to deal directly with the situ) on her part.

The bit where she says to you it's ok, that they're friends, could also be seen as her signifying indirectly to him that she only sees him as a friend.

Best way to deal with all this imo? Brace yourself and ask her out. Her answer will down two birds with one stone. Whether she likes him, or you.



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30 Mar 2016, 6:54 pm

boofle wrote:
... ask her out. Her answer will down two birds with one stone. Whether she likes him, or you.
THIS ^

Either ask her out, confront the "Other Man", or walk away and never look back.


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01 Apr 2016, 5:45 am

^^ Yes, confront him and ask him: "Do you bleed?".

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01 Apr 2016, 5:59 am

Both of the people you are describing sound really annoying. Why would you be interested in a girl like that?