Fixation on bad behavior

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Does anyone else have a child that is fixated on other people's bad behavior (especially other children)? My son is 10.5 and since he was a toddler is always drawn to watching other kids have meltdowns or getting in trouble by their parents. It has kind of come and gone, but recently he was looking for videos on Youtube of kids misbehaving, and I made the mistake of letting him watch an anime video of a girl that kept getting in trouble at school and with her parents. After watching the video once or twice, he became fixated with it and ever since then he has been acting out at school. I completely monitor his Youtube viewing and I didn't think this was that bad of a video, but apparently it has made an impression on him and he is trying to act it out in real life. I have banned Youtube for the last 3 weeks and taken away other privileges since he seems to keep getting bad reports from school. He used to hardly ever get bad reports. He has also started talking back to us and it is almost like he is pushing the limits to see just how far he can go. I am so frustrated and I feel like a horrible parent!

Have you asked him why he wants to behave badly? There must be some other reason other than YouTube videos.

He must be unhappy about something; otherwise, I don't see the reason why a child just wants to bad just for the heck of it.

What does he enjoy doing (other than video games, YouTube, things like that?)

(You probably are doing so already)--do you provide him with incentives (non-monetary) for him to be good, such as positive reinforcement?

I don't think you're a horrible parent. Perhaps he just wants to be a horrible kid. But why? Doesn't he want to be happy?

Actually, he doesn't even play video games and his Youtube time is very limited. He doesn't have a whole lot of interests. He does get incentives for behaving well and for trying hard to do good. Mostly things like treats that he likes or going special places that he enjoys. He says he wants to be good and I have told him that if he continues down this trail, he will be losing even more things. He will have a good day here or there and then start acting up again. I don't know if he thinks it is cool to get into trouble? I don't know if he is just modeling different behaviors to see what the outcome will be? He lost several things last weekend, so he said he was going to really try this week to earn something and he keeps slipping. I don't know. I will keep talking to him.

Oh, and as far as I know, he seems pretty happy. He doesn't complain about going to school and I ask him from time to time if he is happy since I know he doesn't have many friends either. He always says yes.

Then I'm thinking.....maybe he wants to seem cool to the other kids. I went through that phase,

Does your son even get exhausted or feel exhausted when he acts that way?

I'll wager a guess here. As someone who was subject to a long list of rules that constitute being a "good" kid, I was very jealous of "bad" kids. While "good" kids are well-liked by adults (read: not scolded and/or punished), they often have boring, routine, repetitive lives. "Bad" kids, on the other hand, appear to live happy, exciting, passionate lives in-between all the scoldings and punishments. Like a lot of aspies, I was a "good" kid; heck, I once made myself a medal out of cardboard and aluminum foil, titled "Kindest Child Ever Lived". But despite my kindness, I kept seeing an endless stream of kids who were much less kind than me, yet living much happier lives. Any time I tried to be even slightly bad, I got so much vitriol thrown my way by adults, that it just wasn't worth the damn effort.

Major cognitive dissonance right there! So no wonder I wanted to be "bad". The OP's kid's situation can't be much different.

I don't find "bad" kids to be happy at all.

They're all throwing conniption fits in stores or whatever because they can't get a piece of candy.

They're always sassing their parents over nothing. Just to be sassing. What's the use?

When they get older, they get into drugs, and get into rebellion.

Nothing wrong with a little rebellion. But getting addicted to drugs causes much unhappiness.

I'd rather be drugless, and be happy. And have nice conversations with people. And glory in Nature.

And not give two craps whether I'm a wishy-washy nerd or whatever. Because I'm happy being a wishy-washy nerd.

And if my wife don't like it, she can just go back home to her country.

Maybe so. And yet... it seems like "bad" kids are more respected by their family. I was a "good" kid, but my wishes always got overlooked, ignored, or willfully tuned out at family gatherings/trips. I didn't get to see the museum exhibit I wanted. I didn't get the pizza topping I wanted. I wasn't allowed to order the Asian restaurant dish I wanted. Instead, I was told to "Wait!" and/or "Be quiet!", only to get shortchanged in the end. While my cousin (my age), far less kind and gentle than me, always got his wishes at family gatherings. Let alone other kids I saw in public and around my school, who even got to have pets (my childhood dream that I still intend to live out). So the only thing that kept me "good" is fear of punishments. And in retrospect, lack of social cunning, assertiveness, and physical strength necessary to be "bad".

Aspie1 raises a really good point, in my opinion. This isn't about reality, it is about what one particular Aspie child is perceiving. "Trouble" kids are often featured as heroes in videos, because there is inherent conflict to resolve, and a heroes journey requires conflict.

I think it may be important to talk about the journey of the characters, what made them that way, and what their end result was; then compare it to other featured characters. Let your son share his perception of it all. Ask him how he sees it, and ask him not repeat anything he has heard from you, or to tell you what he thinks you will want to hear or agree with. I think you will pick up quite a few clues from a conversation like that.

In general, doing "autopsies" of issues is really important at this age. You have to know how he is currently thinking, which will be changing often, in order to know what to teach him, and how to handle his behaviors.

Which sounds like a recipe for a child to grow up with a lot of resentment. Not what any parent wants.