Alcohol and Substance Abuse Counselling Thread
leejosepho
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
In my own case, A.A.'s Twelve Steps took me "behind the curtain", so to speak, where I learned how our natural instincts, desires and ambitions could be met in new ways that no longer left my intellect and emotions with no options any greater than seeking the effect of alcohol for relief...and you do not have to be an alcoholic to take the Twelve Steps!
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
Hmm, this is not substance "abuse," rather than just years of "use," but it's goodbye to the benzodiazepines. I don't want to be on them and was forced to stop by accident thanks to easter closures anyway. Expect to feel like crap for 8 weeks. Which is ok. I won't be put on another pill, and I will NOT start drinking again to deal with the insomnia. It's not what I do anymore.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
Sign me up.
Whatever.
Get me out of this hell.
Not to be facetious with such an important issue, but these would make great song lyrics. I know that hell well.
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"There once was a little molecule who dreamed of being part of the crest of a great wave..."
(From the story 'The Little Molecule' - Amazon Kindle, 2013)
leejosepho
Veteran
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Alcohol is more than just a solvent, but that question is actually irrelevant here...and I do not know anyone who claims alcohol makes anything better, just that it can temporarily alter human intellect and emotion while making at least some people *feel* better...
"For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good." ("Alcoholics Anonymous", page 151)
The effect is not identical for everyone of course, so some people end up loathing its effect as much as other people might love it and even become obsessive in relation to it. But it is the effect and not the alcohol people are after, so "Gimme a drink!" is far more about "Gimme the feeling!" than anything even close to "Gimme a solution."
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
It's not "just a solvent," silly.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ethanol
"Ethanol acts in the central nervous system primarily by binding to the GABAA receptor, increasing the effects of the inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA (i.e., it is a positive allosteric modulator)."
"Ethanol is known to possess the following direct pharmacodynamic actions (most important actions are bolded):"
-GABAA receptor positive allosteric modulator
-NMDA receptor negative allosteric modulator
-Mesolimbic dopamine release, secondary to GABAA/NMDA receptor modulation
-endogenous opioid release in the mesolimbic dopamine pathway, secondary to an unidentified mechanism in the NAcc or VTA
-5-HT3 receptor agonist
-Kainate receptor negative allosteric modulator
-
Posted in "Member's Only" earlier but deleted it. Maybe this will be more appropriate. My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He's diagnosed with OCD but has MANY autistic traits: very quiet/uncommunicative, lack of eye contact, does not enjoy being touched... Especially doesn't like to sleep in the same bed. I know that his dad shamed him for being "socially autistic" when he was young and he spent a few years in therapy. I don't know if he thinks he was "cured" or if he's just in denial or what. He's an absolutely decent and respectable human being. My only real complaints are that I wish sometimes I got more attention but he's doing his best to at least sends me good night kiss text messages before bed. I also know that he is hurting! The way he drinks, I know he is hurting about something. (My mother is an alcoholic and I have no contact with her but that's a different story.) I just care a lot about him and I hate to see him suffer and if he's in denial, there's not much I can do for him. However, I went through a period of denial as well, not because I didn't want to be autistic (I was so happy when I discovered my autism!), but because my mom didn't want me to be autistic. I have been debating what my next step is. I don't want to break up because I am falling in love with him. I want to learn to be more patient with him. He doesn't abuse me or anything like that... Just a little forgetful sometimes and a little selfish but who isn't? I want to ask him why he drinks, just point blank. I wish I could tell him that I love his neurodiverse traits, that's why I love him. But he's not even ready for words like "love" yet and I understand that too, it's only been 5.5 months. I'm just hurting and struggling right now, guys. It's a complex thing but I considered the alternative: what if he is NT? Well, I think then his behavior and overall personality is difficult to understand and explain. I don't need to accomplish anything today, I may just need to process this but his drinking is really hard for me right now. I wish I could make everything okay for him.
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The freedom to be myself
leejosepho
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Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
The way he drinks, I know he is hurting about something...
I want to ask him why he drinks, just point blank... I wish I could make everything okay for him.
I drank because alcohol altered my perceptions of everything around me and could make me almost feel like a somebody. I was twenty-four years old at the time and it was like alcohol seemed to "fix" my insecurities and whatever else was standing between me and everyone else.
There is no way to "make everything okay for him" so he will no longer need or want to drink for the effect of the alcohol. And since alcohol is not the problem -- the problem is internal, not external -- removing the alcohol would only make his problem worse. For you to be helpful to him, you will need to find a sufficient substitute for the effect of the alcohol and then suggest it to him, and I would suggest you begin here: "To Wives".
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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
I decided to end the relationship. I am grieving and I feel like I've lost the love of my life. He's maintained a meaningless emotional affair the entire time we were dating. Crying over him in session is preventing me from getting work done in EMDR. It is a huge loss, though. He is hurting, I am hurting, there is too much hurting and I can't help him. I appreciate the link that was provided and I did read it. I feel as if I had tried some of what was written, having known a little about AA beforehand and thinking that I could accommodate and tolerate his alcoholism. But I cannot tolerate being neglected and ignored so that he can spend time with a woman who leads him on and encourages him to drink. I cannot tolerate being stood up for hours and days at a time, I am an aspie after all, and in my world, a 6 o'clock appointment means that I show up at 5:45. He hid me from his friends and never met any of mine. He never once posted a picture of us online the entire time we were dating but here I am suffering through his friends posting how they love him and their cute text conversations... all the while, being his girlfriend, being excluded from his public life, being neglected in his private life. I will keep moving forward, as this is a time of intense change and restructuring for me... but I cannot share this on my blog because I do not like to publicly announce sad events so I thank all of you for allowing me to share this here. I love him so much and I wish only the best for him but the best for me means that I have to move on with my life. My assistance cat is taking such good care of me today. He got me out of bed and into the sunshine.
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The freedom to be myself
mr_bigmouth_502
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Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,028
Location: Alberta, Canada
I haven't had a drink in a week since I've been too broke to do it, but I really want one right now. Ironically alcohol makes me feel sh***y and I feel healthier than usual, but I wanna get drunk. I want beer and vodka. I'm taking topiramate and it's supposed to reduce cravings but at this point it doesn't seem to be doing much.
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Every day is exactly the same...
It entered my head the past few days.
Why the f*ck I would ever conceive of doing this again is unknown - and insane.
Not that I'll actually DO it, but the fact that the idea occurred at all sets off all sorts of alarms.
Because that's what "chasing the dragon" does. It had an effect you liked / needed at first, and even when it spirals down into complete misery as every drug will, you're forever chasing that initial effect that can never be regained.
The effect it had for me was switching my brain off. Just oblivion. No thinking. Unconsciousness.
So, the real problem is I am allowing myself to dwell on bad shite and I should just stop. I do not have to drink myself to death for that.
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Alexithymia - 147 points.
Low-Verbal.
leejosepho
Veteran
Joined: 14 Sep 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 9,011
Location: 200 miles south of Little Rock
Why the f*ck I would ever conceive of doing this again is unknown - and insane.
When the intellect cannot find any other relief to offer the emotions, it does some "selective remembering" (forgetting the bad stuff) while re-considering the known relief of a few drinks. For as you have said:
...and what is needed there is a sufficient substitute for the alcohol.
That is only a small part of the problem where the actual problem is the lack of satisfactions and fulfillments of our natural human instincts, needs, desires, ambitions and so on...and there is where taking the Twelve Steps to grow into spiritual fellowship with others like myself -- living, practicing and experiencing altruism -- made the difference for me.
_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================
mr_bigmouth_502
Veteran
Joined: 12 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 7,028
Location: Alberta, Canada
Since my last post in this thread, I went back to drinking, then I swore off hard liquor, then I went back to drinking hard liquor. It's kind of a necessary evil in my life. Things like beer and cider are generally a waste of time and money when I need to slam liquor (or at least mix really strong drinks) to get drunk.
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Every day is exactly the same...
Ive dabbled in something I was supposed to be quitting, amphetamines. I wished I hadn't cause I think of them more now. I was off them for a year and a half. They seem to help me interact with people and get me out of my shell...but its hard to be on them and not want other things to smooth down the edges. Its also hard to be bored and not want them.
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"all men can see these tactics whereby I conquer; yet none can see the strategy by which victory is evolved"...
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