Recovering from sexual/emotional abuse from formerNT partner

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Anonymousie
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07 Apr 2016, 11:52 am

Hello folks! First post, really struggling here.

So I am no longer with Trent** but he left a mark on me that I am having a hard time moving past. He confronted me very aggresively and angry, that he figured out that I am an aspy. Which explained my whole pointless life, I accepted this and began doing a lot of reading about this. He however did not do much more reading right away, once he had this label 'aspy' he just used it as an insult/tool. Instead of learning about how to exist and cope with those behaviors, he latched onto them as faults that he could now try to "fix." I constantly tried to change how I spoke to him and what I did only to be insulted and repremanded constantly. He would mock me and accuse me of cheating on him (clearly I had to be getting f****d by someone else since I wasn't a purring sex kitten to him)

Trent and I are not together. What hurts me now is that I no longer feel like a sexual being at all. I guess I always knew that my sex was different and i clearly didn't enjoy things exactly the same as other women. But intercourse to me was a special thing, a special thing I only did with an actual boyfriend, and before Trent, my boyfriends seemed ok with me in that respect. Trent made me feel embarassed to exist. He broke up with me because I am "aspy as f**k" and sent me off telling me to go "find a big dick" cuz he couldn't wrap his head around my sexuality. From what he knows, all ladies are just looking for a bigger and better dick. He basically called me a slut over and over in my mind. I have NEVER cheated.

I felt good about myself before Trent. I knew my sex was different but I still enjoyed being with my one and only. Now that he has sent me off telling me to find another man to "satisfy me" I don't even want to. That's what makes me sad. I felt whole before. Satisfied in my own way. Now I feel broken and defective. I don't know how to begin again.

Anyone else have a similar experience or know some resources about recovery from this kind of trauma?

Thanks for reading!

**Trent, name changed



AR15000
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07 Apr 2016, 12:21 pm

Anonymousie wrote:
Hello folks! First post, really struggling here.

So I am no longer with Trent** but he left a mark on me that I am having a hard time moving past. He confronted me very aggresively and angry, that he figured out that I am an aspy. Which explained my whole pointless life, I accepted this and began doing a lot of reading about this. He however did not do much more reading right away, once he had this label 'aspy' he just used it as an insult/tool. Instead of learning about how to exist and cope with those behaviors, he latched onto them as faults that he could now try to "fix." I constantly tried to change how I spoke to him and what I did only to be insulted and repremanded constantly. He would mock me and accuse me of cheating on him (clearly I had to be getting f****d by someone else since I wasn't a purring sex kitten to him)

Trent and I are not together. What hurts me now is that I no longer feel like a sexual being at all. I guess I always knew that my sex was different and i clearly didn't enjoy things exactly the same as other women. But intercourse to me was a special thing, a special thing I only did with an actual boyfriend, and before Trent, my boyfriends seemed ok with me in that respect. Trent made me feel embarassed to exist. He broke up with me because I am "aspy as f**k" and sent me off telling me to go "find a big dick" cuz he couldn't wrap his head around my sexuality. From what he knows, all ladies are just looking for a bigger and better dick. He basically called me a slut over and over in my mind. I have NEVER cheated.

I felt good about myself before Trent. I knew my sex was different but I still enjoyed being with my one and only. Now that he has sent me off telling me to find another man to "satisfy me" I don't even want to. That's what makes me sad. I felt whole before. Satisfied in my own way. Now I feel broken and defective. I don't know how to begin again.

Anyone else have a similar experience or know some resources about recovery from this kind of trauma?

Thanks for reading!

**Trent, name changed



Yes I do. I had an ex-gf who was diagnosed with Borderline though she denied she had it and claimed instead that she had PTSD. She was emotionally abusive and would even punch me in the arm sometimes though I told her with the utmost gravity that if she left marks, broke the skin, or caused any substantial pain I would hit back will FULL force. She then stopped doing that but continued her emotional abuse(repeated insults, baiting, contradicting herself and talking s**t behind my back). And best of all.....She was knocked up with her previous bf's kid :!:



nurseangela
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07 Apr 2016, 12:39 pm

AR15000 wrote:
Anonymousie wrote:
Hello folks! First post, really struggling here.

So I am no longer with Trent** but he left a mark on me that I am having a hard time moving past. He confronted me very aggresively and angry, that he figured out that I am an aspy. Which explained my whole pointless life, I accepted this and began doing a lot of reading about this. He however did not do much more reading right away, once he had this label 'aspy' he just used it as an insult/tool. Instead of learning about how to exist and cope with those behaviors, he latched onto them as faults that he could now try to "fix." I constantly tried to change how I spoke to him and what I did only to be insulted and repremanded constantly. He would mock me and accuse me of cheating on him (clearly I had to be getting f****d by someone else since I wasn't a purring sex kitten to him)

Trent and I are not together. What hurts me now is that I no longer feel like a sexual being at all. I guess I always knew that my sex was different and i clearly didn't enjoy things exactly the same as other women. But intercourse to me was a special thing, a special thing I only did with an actual boyfriend, and before Trent, my boyfriends seemed ok with me in that respect. Trent made me feel embarassed to exist. He broke up with me because I am "aspy as f**k" and sent me off telling me to go "find a big dick" cuz he couldn't wrap his head around my sexuality. From what he knows, all ladies are just looking for a bigger and better dick. He basically called me a slut over and over in my mind. I have NEVER cheated.

I felt good about myself before Trent. I knew my sex was different but I still enjoyed being with my one and only. Now that he has sent me off telling me to find another man to "satisfy me" I don't even want to. That's what makes me sad. I felt whole before. Satisfied in my own way. Now I feel broken and defective. I don't know how to begin again.

Anyone else have a similar experience or know some resources about recovery from this kind of trauma?

Thanks for reading!

**Trent, name changed



Yes I do. I had an ex-gf who was diagnosed with Borderline though she denied she had it and claimed instead that she had PTSD. She was emotionally abusive and would even punch me in the arm sometimes though I told her with the utmost gravity that if she left marks, broke the skin, or caused any substantial pain I would hit back will FULL force. She then stopped doing that but continued her emotional abuse(repeated insults, baiting, contradicting herself and talking s**t behind my back). And best of all.....She was knocked up with her previous bf's kid :!:


I'm glad I see an "ex" in front of gf.


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AR15000
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07 Apr 2016, 12:47 pm

nurseangela wrote:
AR15000 wrote:
Anonymousie wrote:
Hello folks! First post, really struggling here.

So I am no longer with Trent** but he left a mark on me that I am having a hard time moving past. He confronted me very aggresively and angry, that he figured out that I am an aspy. Which explained my whole pointless life, I accepted this and began doing a lot of reading about this. He however did not do much more reading right away, once he had this label 'aspy' he just used it as an insult/tool. Instead of learning about how to exist and cope with those behaviors, he latched onto them as faults that he could now try to "fix." I constantly tried to change how I spoke to him and what I did only to be insulted and repremanded constantly. He would mock me and accuse me of cheating on him (clearly I had to be getting f****d by someone else since I wasn't a purring sex kitten to him)

Trent and I are not together. What hurts me now is that I no longer feel like a sexual being at all. I guess I always knew that my sex was different and i clearly didn't enjoy things exactly the same as other women. But intercourse to me was a special thing, a special thing I only did with an actual boyfriend, and before Trent, my boyfriends seemed ok with me in that respect. Trent made me feel embarassed to exist. He broke up with me because I am "aspy as f**k" and sent me off telling me to go "find a big dick" cuz he couldn't wrap his head around my sexuality. From what he knows, all ladies are just looking for a bigger and better dick. He basically called me a slut over and over in my mind. I have NEVER cheated.

I felt good about myself before Trent. I knew my sex was different but I still enjoyed being with my one and only. Now that he has sent me off telling me to find another man to "satisfy me" I don't even want to. That's what makes me sad. I felt whole before. Satisfied in my own way. Now I feel broken and defective. I don't know how to begin again.

Anyone else have a similar experience or know some resources about recovery from this kind of trauma?

Thanks for reading!

**Trent, name changed



Yes I do. I had an ex-gf who was diagnosed with Borderline though she denied she had it and claimed instead that she had PTSD. She was emotionally abusive and would even punch me in the arm sometimes though I told her with the utmost gravity that if she left marks, broke the skin, or caused any substantial pain I would hit back will FULL force. She then stopped doing that but continued her emotional abuse(repeated insults, baiting, contradicting herself and talking s**t behind my back). And best of all.....She was knocked up with her previous bf's kid :!:


I'm glad I see an "ex" in front of gf.




And.....?



Anonymousie
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07 Apr 2016, 2:26 pm

I knew I wasn't alone in being mistreated in someway. I was really hoping to hear specifically about ASD related abuse. I know I am not alone with this aspy sex thing.



AR15000
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07 Apr 2016, 6:17 pm

Anonymousie wrote:
I knew I wasn't alone in being mistreated in someway. I was really hoping to hear specifically about ASD related abuse. I know I am not alone with this aspy sex thing.



You aren't alone and yes, she DID inflict emotional abuse and psychological manipulation due to me having an ASD. She was a self-described "sexpert" More like a nympho in that she had slept with at least 20 men and likely more and even exclaimed to me once that "men used to line up to have sex with me!! !" in frustration because I had a low libido at the beginning. She was sexually aggressive and would pressure me to f*ck her even when I was too dog tired. She also told me that she was a dominatrix back in the 00s and was paid up to $5000/session by some rich men in her native PDX. At first it was like she was showing me the ropes but she would pressure me to perform(read cum)and would get frustrated and angry and try to humiliate me verbally when I couldn't. For a while I basically flat out refused to f**k her until early september 2014 when she asked me to bang her, didn't pressure me and finally STFU I was able to perform and get an orgasm. We had amazing sex for about a month until mid October when she had trouble maintaining her position due to her burgeoning belly and started pressuring me to ejaculate. She totally humiliated me psychologically for 4 hours and I couldn't do it so then she kicked me out. Came back the day after and we had a huge blow up and she kicked me out for 2 nights before we made up. That was the last time we ever had sex(and ever will).



Anonymousie
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07 Apr 2016, 8:06 pm

AR15000 wrote:
Anonymousie wrote:
I knew I wasn't alone in being mistreated in someway. I was really hoping to hear specifically about ASD related abuse. I know I am not alone with this aspy sex thing.



You aren't alone and yes, she DID inflict emotional abuse and psychological manipulation due to me having an ASD. She was a self-described "sexpert" More like a nympho in that she had slept with at least 20 men and likely more and even exclaimed to me once that "men used to line up to have sex with me!! !" in frustration because I had a low libido at the beginning. She was sexually aggressive and......


That is a lot of painful words, thank you for sharing. It is unfortunate to hear but that is just the kind of story I thought I might (assuming I'm not alone)

Trent made similar but different assertations as your ex claiming he made every girl squirt multiple times, something I don't do. He felt that he was an enlightened sex god when in actuality every sexual encounter with him was traumatic and insulting when he didn't get what he was used to getting at the end. I used to think my libido was normal (I liked sex but didn't climax normally) which is apparently insulting to oversexed mentally ill folk. He would bounce blame back to me for not doing things that his old girlfriends used to do like parade around in lingerie. I did buy a sexy bustier but he was too tired to care when I put it on and I never did again. I was always trying to be what he wanted me to be but it was never right. He even told me that he had to be mean to me to make me understand so that I could change my behavior. I understood but I could not change. I can check myself now and have a different awareness of myself but it's not something I can change, just something I am embarrassed about

I feel like this experience has changed me like sex no longer exists in my head I wish I didn't feel this way but it seems pointless to have sex ever again

Has anyone ever written about this subject about ASD partners being sexually abused and traumatized by their NT partners who are trying to change them? I feel like a hollow shell compared to the person that I was before this.



AR15000
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08 Apr 2016, 1:34 am

Anonymousie wrote:
AR15000 wrote:
Anonymousie wrote:
I knew I wasn't alone in being mistreated in someway. I was really hoping to hear specifically about ASD related abuse. I know I am not alone with this aspy sex thing.



You aren't alone and yes, she DID inflict emotional abuse and psychological manipulation due to me having an ASD. She was a self-described "sexpert" More like a nympho in that she had slept with at least 20 men and likely more and even exclaimed to me once that "men used to line up to have sex with me!! !" in frustration because I had a low libido at the beginning. She was sexually aggressive and......


That is a lot of painful words, thank you for sharing. It is unfortunate to hear but that is just the kind of story I thought I might (assuming I'm not alone)

Trent made similar but different assertations as your ex claiming he made every girl squirt multiple times, something I don't do. He felt that he was an enlightened sex god when in actuality every sexual encounter with him was traumatic and insulting when he didn't get what he was used to getting at the end. I used to think my libido was normal (I liked sex but didn't climax normally) which is apparently insulting to oversexed mentally ill folk. He would bounce blame back to me for not doing things that his old girlfriends used to do like parade around in lingerie. I did buy a sexy bustier but he was too tired to care when I put it on and I never did again. I was always trying to be what he wanted me to be but it was never right. He even told me that he had to be mean to me to make me understand so that I could change my behavior. I understood but I could not change. I can check myself now and have a different awareness of myself but it's not something I can change, just something I am embarrassed about

I feel like this experience has changed me like sex no longer exists in my head I wish I didn't feel this way but it seems pointless to have sex ever again

Has anyone ever written about this subject about ASD partners being abused and traumatized by their NT partners who are trying to change them? I feel like a hollow shell compared to the person that I was before this.


Fixed that last paragraph. Abuse can be in many different forms besides sexual: Like physical, emotional, or psychological.
My ex-gf Cheyenne(her real first name and it's a very common name so it's no biggie. Won't give her last name though! But the word "cheyenne" is now tainted for me) was highly experienced sexually and so that part is true. But she was extremely rigid for someone who'd been around the block possibly up to 100 times(or more). She definitely was a squirter but she had a contradictory style of sex: Wanting me to take the lead but still wanting to be in control. She initially would get intoxicated before having sex with me and said she needed to have booze because otherwise she'd have flashbacks about being raped. She claimed she was raped 5 times and I honestly don't have doubts about *THAT* because she did have many of the signs of being a sexual abuse survivor.



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08 Apr 2016, 2:19 am

I am so sorry to hear of your experience a relationship should not be like that in the slightest :evil:

On the libido side that's something you work together on, every bodies sex drive isn't the same you just try to accommodate (both ways) but if you can't align then it's time to split. And enjoying sex together is also something that isn't the same in every relationship he obviously doesn't know that what works for one women doesn't work for another and if your not enjoying it it's not going to help your libido, why do something your not enjoying? But that's down to communication but I always think it's something you should figure out together without speaking.

Big hugs from me and I am glad you are out of that relationship. They aren't all like that I am sure you will find a nice guy. You obviously do try in a relationship some people don't and expect the other person to try (yes your ex is defiantly one of them)


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08 Apr 2016, 7:09 am

AR15000 wrote:
Yes I do. I had an ex-gf who was diagnosed with Borderline though she denied she had it and claimed instead that she had PTSD. She was emotionally abusive and would even punch me in the arm sometimes though I told her with the utmost gravity that if she left marks, broke the skin, or caused any substantial pain I would hit back will FULL force. She then stopped doing that but continued her emotional abuse(repeated insults, baiting, contradicting herself and talking s**t behind my back). And best of all.....She was knocked up with her previous bf's kid :!:

In my case, she wasn't diagnosed by name but a mental health professional pretty much spelled it out word for word in his report without using the actual term. It was pretty much just like this. She was a master at baiting, contradicting (gaslighting) and worst of all, constantly accused me of cheating, checking out other women, getting angry when I would talk to a female, etc. I was naive enough to believe the sweet, well spoken person she presented at first was the real her. I will never know how bad her lies truly were but sad to say I am STILL traumatized by her behavior 2+ years later.

Anonymousie wrote:
Anyone else have a similar experience or know some resources about recovery from this kind of trauma?

Yes, switch the genders and you have what I have been going through. My libido is only now starting to recover and it has been a long, hard road to recovery. One thing I learned in my case was that it was no coincidence: this dynamic is seen in most relationships in my family and I was "programmed" for it due to low self-worth (thanks you %$$# bullies!!). If I wasn't, I would have walked away after the second date. She made me out to be a total monster and I am public enemy #1 in her circles. What helped was two female coworkers who told me what was going to happen if I stayed with her. They must have really polished that crystal ball as they were 100% correct :) A male coworker told me that women aren't all like that and his wife ALWAYS treats him with respect.

Fast forward and I am (almost) married to a excellent partner who has never once raised her voice, tried to change me or treated me with anything but respect, as has her entire family. It took a while to adjust to that and I will admit, I am still not fully there. I learned about her past and was shocked at how she was with a couple of total losers (one who was a stoner while she is devoutly religious) and I then realized I did the EXACT SAME THING she did! To directly contrast: I was 10 minutes late picking current and crazy up once (I am well known for being on time every time). Current said "I knew you were stuck in traffic" and changed the subject. Crazy went on a 3 hour long rant about how little I care about her and how selfish I was.

The hardest part was not losing trust in women (specifically the ex), it was that I lost trust in myself. How could I have allowed myself to be treated so harshly AND then go back for more!? One thing I have noticed was what my first ex looked and acted like an extreme version of my mother and my second ex was very similar in looks and personality to my father. I doubt that was a coincidence!



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10 Apr 2016, 10:31 am

AR15000 wrote:
She also told me that she was a dominatrix back in the 00s and was paid up to $5000/session by some rich men in her native PDX.
What!? That's one high price for a sex worker. Maybe PDX has a high cost of living, or your maybe ex granted some really special requests ;), but that's still a ridiculously high price. Where I live, most 1-hour sessions with a regular escort (not a dominatrix) run for about $300, and no-sex domination is about $120 an hour.

I think she may have lied to you about the price. There's no way one session with a dominatrix would cost $5000. But what do I know. Either way, sorry you had to go through that. Now that she's gone, let time do its healing.