How can I be a supportive boyfriend?

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So do NDs. They are even forced to give up their body gestures because NTs dislike them. So you have no point.



Sure, I could do the "uh, huh" and nod, but I won't ask you about the weather or how you are doing.

See, that last part there is what irks me. Even if you know that asking me how I was would just make my day you still would go out of your way NOT to do it. Nope, wouldn't work.

I think anything where one of you has to go like a funeral, both of you go.

You're supposed to be one unit. That means parties, family gatherings, etc.

I would like to know if any Aspie men have read books about Aspie/NT relationships.

1.) You have posted previously about what I would call an "obsession" (sorry if you don't think of it that way) with thin Asian women. If your GF is aware if it, then she may feel insecure and needs more than the usual amount of reassurance that you won't dump her as soon as a thin Asian woman shows genuine interest in you. Many women who are not traditionally "hot" have this problem and they end up breaking up with guys who actually want to stay with them.

On the other hand, some "plus-size" women have learned they can get a guy panting with sexual desire just as easily as a super model

You might want to give serious thought to the possibility of marriage, even if you don't think you're ready.

How many prior serious relationships has she been in?

Is she comparing you to previous boyfriends (with whom she eventually broke up anyway)?

If she doesn't have a lot of experience in that area, then she may be influenced by a preconceived notion of what a relationship is supposed to be like.

Take notes on what your girlfriend is asking you to do.

Things like saying "good morning" or "how was your day?" are simple things. Or *always* asking "would you like me to go?" when she has a thing she needs to go to.

Even if comes out awkward sometimes, that is better than nothing. If she loves you, she will put up with awkward attempts and see them for what they are - a sincere effort to show love.

A while ago wife was listening to a program about relationships, and they handed out advice to say "I love you" or "I like you" all the time.

Do they teach about actual male/female relationships in those classes or is it just how NT's in general act?

Maybe you could get her to read this book:22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome

Another thing for YOU to look at is The 5 Love Languages.

I took those classes in my early teen years and there is really no need to know anything about dating at that age.

I wouldn't mind going to a funeral with her. It's just that she wasn't clear on whether or not she wanted me to go. If you told me she wanted me to go I'd go.

But she didn't tell me and got mad when I didn't figure it out. True it was on a weekday and I'm not certain if my job's bereavement leave policy extends to girlfriend's friend's father

The thing that bothered me, is when she said she didn't expect me to go but she still wanted me to offer. Why would she want me to offer if she didn't actually want me to go? She wants me to offer so she can say no and she expects me to no that without her telling me. What kind of game is that? I like the sound of being a unit. I like the sound of going to parties and family gatherings together.

After all, she came to my families Easter BBQ. It took a lot of persuading. She didn't want to go because she was nervous to meet my family (though she's NT, she's a good deal more shy than I am).

She refused to come until the last minute. She said she felt "more energetic". I notice that either due to depression or irregular work hours she goes through phases where she has very low energy. (sometimes she works 12 per day, sometimes less, sometimes she has to get up at 4AM, other times she sleeps in but works until 11PM, sometimes both but with a gap of a few hours in the middle). This makes her irratable. I said she should get a 9 - 5 job. She says she wants to stick to her cleaning job because it's "easy" and "low stress". If that's the case than why does she often tell me how hard it is and how it's stressing her out? She said it's the easiest job she's ever had. She said her other jobs were horrible so maybe it's only the easiest job she's had in comparison to the others.

Anyway, her mother convinced her she should go. I hope she listens to her mother more often.

Sometimes when she talks about all she's done for me, I wonder if she's forgetting all I've done for her. I made major changes to my habits to keep the house clean but she says that's "expected". One time I ddid her a favour and she said I made no effort. She changed her mind when I said how much effort I put into it.I have. About five years ago I read a book called Asperger Meets GIrl by Jonathan Griffiths. I didn't understand much of it. Maybe I'd understand more of it now.Obsession is a good word for my fascination skinny Asian girls. I mean I'm attracted to skinny white girls as well but that's normal so I wouldn't call that an obsession.

GF is neither. She's a fat white girl. She knows I dated a Chinese girl in the past and she knows about my attempts to pick up Philippine girls. She knows that I like thin girls, at least she does now.

For our first few weeks of dating, she kept on talking about how she wants to lose weight. I said I wanted her to lose weight too and she was devastated. This confused me. I thought it would be fine because she'd already talked about how she wanted to lose weight. I was only echoing what she'd already said.

She said she felt like she'd been stabbed. She was crying. She said she thought I wasn't like other guys, that I didn't care about that. Then she said it was only natural since all guys prefer skinny women (not true, some like fat women but I think those guys are in the minority).

It happened again when she asked why I was trying to pick up that Philippine girl a few months before I met her. She asked why I was attracted to her. If she didn't want to know the answer she shouldn't have asked. I answered truthfully. I said because she was very thin and weighed only 42 KG.

More crying. she said I should have told her a white lie. This lead to a long discussion about how I don't really get white lies and I'm not very good at it. Part of the reason is because I don't know when it will be obvious. I was worried that if I said something too flattering it would sound phony and that she'd be able to tell I'm lying (later I tried laying the flattery on real thick so that it sounded really phony and obvious and she seemed to like it. Either she believed it or she didn't believe it but still appreciated the sentiment).

Eventually I convinced her to give up soft drinks and because of that she's gradually losing weight.Really? How does that work?

Anyway, I'm pretty sure GF has a fetish for Indian guys. Her longest relationship was with an Indian guy and she talks about Indian things a lot. And yet she doesn't like spicy food? She's missing out on the best part of Indian culture.Sure, I've thought about it, I've talked to her about it. She told me I'm forbidden to propose to her until I've known her for 2 years lol. After reading the introduction to The Five Love Languages, that said the "honeymoon phase" lasts for 2 years I decided to make it 3 years so there'll be a 1 year margin of error. After that I wouldn't mind marrying her. She said she was OK with a cheap wedding, only $5,000. I was shocked this was considered cheap.Two brief relationships but she's still inexperienced.Yes. Favourably. She says I'm a lot better than her previous boyfriends.

But she compares me unfavorably to her friends' boyfriends. Usually as a way to hint that she wants me to do or buy the same thing her friend's boyfriend did. That Chinese girl I used to date did the same thing.I knew all those Bollywood romance films she watches would be a bad idea.I willTrueShe has never said that. The Chinese girl used to say it in a very casual way but GF has never said it. She often calls me "best boyfriend ever" or other compliments but she's never said she loves me.If they're anything like the classes I took than yes, they have classes on relationships and they're terrible. They segregated into guys and girls. I don't know what they taught in the girls class but I found the guys class to be largely useless. It was all really obvious stuff like "Take a shower first, don't stick". I found it so patronizing.

The worst thing was they didn't teach anything at all about flirting or body language or how to tell if a girl is interested in you or how to show interest without blurting it out. They didn't teach any of the stuff aspies would actually need to know.

They had a thing on how aspie guys should join different clubs etc, where young women might hang out. That's find but if an aspie goes to one of those places without knowledge of flirting and body language than he would stay there for years without getting anywhere. If a girl ever liked him there, he'd never know it. Not if he followed the advice of this class.

From the two NT women teaching the class (both married), I got the impression that they knew nothing of courtship because they'd never courted anyone. They'd been courted. Their husbands courted them. At the very least they've never had the experience of being a guy asking a girl out.Worth a try. I just texted her the link. But really it's supposed to be about how I can accommodate her, not the other way around, maybe we can meet in the middle.I was looking at that before. I haven't read the whole thing. I could borrow my Mum's copy.

GF and I were discussing that book, we took the quiz. We determined that her language is gifts and mine is touch. I'm a real Klingon lol.Wow, I should have started dating earlier. It would have been so much easier.