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Joe90
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14 Apr 2016, 7:31 am

It's getting to a point where I dislike being out in public. I get little respect from people, I get jostled, intimidated, humiliated, stared at, and lots of Murphy's Law s**t happen to me. Why should I have to put up with all that? I might as well have a deformed face, or Tourette's, or anything else that draws unwanted attention, not just ADD/mild AS, otherwise passable as normal on outside, good sense of fashion, learnt to maintain normal posture, don't flap hands or anything else considered weird by society. And whoever says I "probably do weird things without knowing" I don't want to read your post so don't even bother writing that sh***y cliche.

Some of you already read in the Haven about how I was falsely accused of stealing from a shop, and that experience has knocked my confidence. That's not the only thing though. Lots of little things make up for public anxiety too.

Like today I was sitting on a bus, not right next to the window but on the seat next to the window seat, and I was just casually looking at the beautiful countryside, then a van came by and honked their horn loudly, but there was no other cars or pedestrians about at the time, and I didn't see the van driver waving, he was just looking into the bus. What if he was honking loudly like that just because he saw me looking out of a bus window? Why must I be a target?

Not just that, but things like that happen to me and causes anxiety. So I don't think I should be out in public. I thought all this s**t ended in high school. I'm nearly 26 and still being picked on and target when going out. I might as well be 14 in high school again.

So I should become agoraphobic and not go out, if that's what these f*****g c***s want.


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Joe90
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14 Apr 2016, 5:54 pm

Anybody?


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SirMiles
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14 Apr 2016, 5:58 pm

If you start staying in... then it will get worse when you do go out. Somewhat of a catch 22.


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RoadRatt
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14 Apr 2016, 9:33 pm

I'm agoraphobic. It's no fun, haven't had a real life friend in 20 years now. I won't try to tell you what to do but, you should do what you want and not let others dictate your actions. Anxiety sucks, and the meds for them don't usually do much good, ugh.


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vercingetorix451
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14 Apr 2016, 9:59 pm

It's no fun, take it from me. Make yourself go out, even if it's just for small periods of time that won't be too overwhelming.



Joe90
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15 Apr 2016, 1:14 am

But it's no fun being targeted when going out either.


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zkydz
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15 Apr 2016, 1:21 am

Here's the thing: I used to think I had agoraphobia for exactly the same reason you state. But, I don't. Here's why:

Agoraphobia is the fear of open spaces. I have no fear of open spaces. When I am in a place of low population density, low sensory input, I love being outside. Usually at evening to dawn hours, but outside nonetheless. Just not a big fan of the sun.

I self isolate because I have difficulties in NYC, or high population densities or high sensory input.

What you described, and others as well, but not all, sounds like that. It's the jostling, the input of all those people, contact, sounds, smells...it is an assault to me. Maybe it is to you too.


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Joe90
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15 Apr 2016, 1:33 am

The only sounds that annoy me are loud motorbikes and kids. Smells don't bother me, as my sinuses aren't very sharp with smells. I like light, so it's not light.

I told you in my OP why I feel I don't want to go out. The way I get disrespect from people. It's a social phobia/anxiety thing, an emotional thing, not sensory thing.


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zkydz
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15 Apr 2016, 1:50 am

Well, I went to get information...decided the Mayo clinic was a reliable source. I'm flat out wrong.

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-cond ... n-20029996

Pertinent, quick read:
Agoraphobia (ag-uh-ruh-FOE-be-uh) is a type of anxiety disorder in which you fear and often avoid places or situations that might cause you to panic and make you feel trapped, helpless or embarrassed.

Typical agoraphobia symptoms include:

Fear of being alone in any situation
Fear of being in crowded places
Fear of losing control in a public place
Fear of being in places where it may be hard to leave, such as an elevator or train
Inability to leave your home (housebound) or only able to leave it if someone else goes with you
Sense of helplessness
Overdependence on others

In addition, you may have signs and symptoms of a panic attack, such as:

Rapid heart rate
Excessive sweating
Trouble breathing
Feeling shaky, numb or tingling
Chest pain or pressure
Lightheadedness or dizziness
Sudden flushing or chills
Upset stomach or diarrhea
Feeling a loss of control
Fear of dying


Sooooo, dumbass me!!

Mebbe I am agoraphobic after all.....But, I really do love being outside when it's nobody but me.


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Joe90
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15 Apr 2016, 9:27 am

I have most of these, although I still go out because I'm quite strong in a way, but that doesn't mean I might not deteroiate into being too feared to go outside. I like the outdoors, especially in rain or heat or sunshine, but it's just ignorant people I don't like.

Quote:
Fear of being alone in any situation

I'm not sure if I have this one or not.

Quote:
Fear of being in crowded places

I get anxious in crowded places. I hate strangers in my personal space, which is almost impossible to avoid people too near you in crowded places.

Quote:
Fear of losing control in a public place

I am worrying that a day will come where I'm going to lose it and push people over and swear and yell when they are in my way. I have had to really stop myself from doing that.

Quote:
Fear of being in places where it may be hard to leave, such as an elevator or train

Hmm, I do get anxious on a crowded bus or train. I hate when strangers sit next to me.

Quote:
Inability to leave your home (housebound) or only able to leave it if someone else goes with you

This is what is worrying me. I don't want to get like this.

Quote:
Sense of helplessness

This is why I'm feeling this anxious. I try my best to look presentable and act normal, but when I'm still a target for stupid/immature/rude/aggressive people, I don't know what else to do to get more respect from people.

Quote:
Overdependence on others

Lots of anxiety-related things get horribly misunderstood by a majority of people. Some people don't even try to imagine how anxiety can affect a person. I've been called lazy, and also childish for preferring someone with me in certain situations because of feeling too anxious to go on my own. I hate that.


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15 Apr 2016, 9:31 am

I was never diagnosed with agoraphobia as the psychologist didn't like to label unless one was needed for other services, but she did get out a CBT work book and suggest the girl in the story who had to take steps to walk to her front gate was like me.

I had very severe anxiety and it was horrible. I would never want to be in that position again.

But I know how you feel - in the last two days I've had four people that have upset me relating to my disability.

An elderly lady who treated me like I was an idiot because she'd caught me just after a meltdown and clearly thought my wife was a carer.

A dentist who kicked me off their register for being late to an appointment because I mixed up the time by 10 minutes (I'd misheard on the phone) and then was late for that time because of a bus. It was my second missed appointment this year which means they're within their rights to refuse NHS treatment. I'd tried so hard to get there on time, doing all the things you're meant to do when you're rubbish at organising yourself. My wife thinks the solution is just going when she can take me which would work but it sucks not to be independent.

The coach at my roller derby who really irritably told me off for messing up a drill because I'd responded to the cue "GO, GO, GO, GO, GO" (meaning run forwards) when I should have responded to "GOAT, GOAT, GOAT, GOAT, GOAT" (which refers to keeping an opposing player from their pack). And some other similar comments from the same person.

And a team mate or roller derby, who's comment I didn't entirely catch but it was in the sentiment of telling me I was wasting their time for being slow because I was chosen as the person to change my bib and it takes me a while to get it the right way around and over my head.

I've barely been to roller derby at all recently because I hate that sort of thing. There's some people who try really hard to make sure I'm included but the coach who was the best at it has resigned.


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naturalplastic
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15 Apr 2016, 9:58 am

Here is a WILD crazy theory about whats happening to you.

A)you're female, and (B) you're 26. And (C) you admit to dressing well, and having "a good sense of fashion".

Is it possible that a lot of this "attention" you're getting is because you're a hottie (ie that its essentially positive attention?).

That guy in the car who honked as he drove past your window on the bus was likely doing the equivalent of cat call.

If so then- yes it was a bit dumb,and inane- but at least it was a compliment to your attractiveness.

And as I understand it: straight women often stair at the competition from their own gender as well.



Joe90
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15 Apr 2016, 12:24 pm

My social anxiety always makes me believe the opposite, that everyone's making fun of me.

Often when I go to smile to someone, I get an awkward look, like they're about to smile then decide not to. It happens mostly at work, when I smile at visitors or even some of my colleagues. Most of my colleagues are friendly to me, but there are a small few who just walk straight past me even if I smile and say hello, but I've seen them greet others, even ones they don't know much.

I worry that I have an unfriendly look on my face, or when I smile I still look awkward, as if my shyness shows vividly when I am feeling socially anxious. I am very expressive when around people I know, but I think I fear the unknown so I am more shy around strangers.

But surely looking shy in public wouldn't cause people to act like a***holes towards me? Who cares if I look shy? I don't make other shy-looking people's lives hell. I empathise instead.


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15 Apr 2016, 7:08 pm

I have agoraphobia due to where I live.

There is a high crime rate and people are generally quite rude, especially in my (bad) neighborhood.

It's impossible for me to go out without getting odd-looks or rude/threatening stares, alone or with others.

My uncle is a very large and slightly scary looking man, 6'5'' and extremely built (a bit fat but muscular) and one time in one night he got three looks for casually minding his own business along with a store worker being snobby and condescending when he politely asked which aisle a certain thing was in.

I went out alone the other day, just a 2min walk to the mcdonald's, and some clearly druggie/hoodrat approached me asking if I had a spare cigarette.

The good thing is, unlike you I think I can put on a decently confident/non-suspicious/fearless walk and demeanor which helps me generally avoid trouble.

He was polite, and I wasn't afraid, but you never know if you can be robbed that way.

But have extremely anxiety and panic attack leaving the house alone and going places alone.

I don't need the other person to do things for me, simply their prescence is enough.

I know you get trouble everywhere, but a lot of the time when I visit other places I feel far more safe and comfortable.

I visited a small, coastal city and felt something I haven't felt in a long time - peace. Everyone was actually minded their own business for once and no one cared enough to give me a dirty look. And it was just very peaceful and quiet compared to the bustling cars and city (I live right next to a major highway and need to pass through it on foot to get to the shops).

Also, I try to think people aren't looking where I live and are minding their own business, but here, a lot of them actually aren't.



naturalplastic
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15 Apr 2016, 7:53 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Here is a WILD crazy theory about whats happening to you.

A)you're female, and (B) you're 26. And (C) you admit to dressing well, and having "a good sense of fashion".

Is it possible that a lot of this "attention" you're getting is because you're a hottie (ie that its essentially positive attention?).

That guy in the car who honked as he drove past your window on the bus was likely doing the equivalent of cat call.

If so then- yes it was a bit dumb,and inane- but at least it was a compliment to your attractiveness.

And as I understand it: straight women often stare at the competition from their own gender as well.



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15 Apr 2016, 8:33 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Often when I go to smile to someone, I get an awkward look, like they're about to smile then decide not to. It happens mostly at work, when I smile at visitors or even some of my colleagues.


I'd probably do that, too, while nervously trying to decide whether smiling and overtly looking like a pervert would be worse than not smiling and looking like an aloof jerk trying in vain not to be recognized as a pervert. Especially if I'm afraid your boyfriend will beat the crap out of me.

Joe90 wrote:
I worry that I have an unfriendly look on my face, or when I smile I still look awkward, as if my shyness shows vividly when I am feeling socially anxious.


That may well be true, but you said you don't want to read any replies telling you you unknowingly give off the wrong signals, calling it a "sh***y cliché", so ...

Joe90 wrote:
But surely looking shy in public wouldn't cause people to act like a***holes towards me? Who cares if I look shy? I don't make other shy-looking people's lives hell. I empathise instead.


a***holes usually go for easy targets, so your best bet is to avoid looking like one. It's also better not to be one.


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