Can an aspie guy be masculine and an aspie girl be girly?

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NoName93
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23 Apr 2016, 5:42 am

I read that most aspies don't fit the gender stereotypes and I wonder if it's possible an aspie guy to be masculine or an aspie girl be girly



naturalplastic
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23 Apr 2016, 6:31 am

NoName93 wrote:
I read that most aspies don't fit the gender stereotypes and I wonder if it's possible an aspie guy to be masculine or an aspie girl be girly


Absurd question. Most aspies are cisgendered (right personality peg in the right biological hole).



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23 Apr 2016, 6:49 am

Yes. I know an autistic guy who is into football and wears trendy clothes for men.

And I fit the feminine gender stereotype myself.


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Spiderpig
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23 Apr 2016, 7:02 am

If my experience with bullies and hopelessly trying to fit in is anything representative, you need to be really physically tough and kick some copious amount of ass before you can be considered masculine and respected as such. Otherwise, when you inevitably make one of the tons of social goofs autistics are bound to make, you'll be put at the bottom of the pecking order and pecked to death if you try to contest it.


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23 Apr 2016, 7:15 am

"Absurd question. Most aspies are cisgendered (right personality peg in the right biological hole)."

It's not about being cis-gender or not, it's about how much an aspie may fit socities typical gender roles for men and women.

But, of course, a male who wears makeup, carries a purse, walks with swaying hips, has long hair, wears high heels, cross-dresses, likes fashion, and listens to boy bands, is still cis-gender if he is happy being a male and identifies as one.

But he certainly isn't a masculine cisgender male.

But, of course, OP. Plenty of us are.

I identify as a 'traditionally masculine' male in that I have a variety of masculine traits and lacking in most feminine (but do have some, as if natural with most men).



nerdygirl
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23 Apr 2016, 8:17 am

I know a "girly girl" Aspie.
I am not one myself, but they are out there.

Most of the Aspies I know are not extremely feminine or masculine, but I wouldn't say they are not at all or in the wrong biological hole. They are still boys/girls, men/women, but just "different."

I think it is really wrong to say boys have to be such-and-such a way, and girls have to be such-and-such a way or else they are in the "wrong biological hole."

Frankly, I've always been a tomboy. I learned to accept being a "different kind of girl" and now the message I hear (like the above statement) make it sound like I should have switched to being male. Not so! I have made a perfectly fine life for myself as a "different kind of woman" and am happily married with children.



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23 Apr 2016, 9:15 am

Spiderpig wrote:
If my experience with bullies and hopelessly trying to fit in is anything representative, you need to be really physically tough and kick some copious amount of ass before you can be considered masculine and respected as such. Otherwise, when you inevitably make one of the tons of social goofs autistics are bound to make, you'll be put at the bottom of the pecking order and pecked to death if you try to contest it.

I think you're exaggerating a bit. Realize, most of the times guys don't actually fight, they do a lame peacock dance instead. You know, puff up the chest, widen the arms, take up as much space as possible, and yap like a dog. Very rarely does it actually lead to a fight, the vast majority of the time one of the contenders backs down during the display. On a side note, if you really want to win the fight, pop the opponent mid-sentence at the start of the "dance"-- he hasn't gotten his adrenaline up yet and about half the time he won't throw back because he's in a state of shock. Got me through high school. Of course people will claim you fight dirty, but let's face it a physical confrontation is right out of the jungle, and in the jungle there are no rules.



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23 Apr 2016, 9:30 am

I struggle with the concept of a "fair" fight to this day, and especially with the capital importance it seems instinctive for almost everyone to ascribe to it.


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23 Apr 2016, 9:33 am

Spiderpig wrote:
I struggle with the concept of a "fair" fight to this day, and especially with the capital importance it seems instinctive for almost everyone to ascribe to it.

Lol, realize whenever you hear someone say "he fought dirty" you're talking to someone who just lost a fight-- they'll say anything to save face.



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23 Apr 2016, 9:42 am

I don't think aspies are inherently less masculine or feminine than NTs. The difference is that aspies often miss social cues that reinforce gender roles, and when we do notice them we are less motivated to conform than NTs.
Aspie behavior serves as a proof that most gendered behavior is learned, not innate.



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23 Apr 2016, 10:53 am

I find most tomboys, actually, to be feminine in many ways.

There's gender-bending amongst autistic people, and amongst neurotypical people.