assumptions people make about me

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I remember a time when we were out with some other couples and my husband was talking about something and everyone was sitting around listening to what he was saying. I had a moment of PTSD and emotional over stimulation and I was already exhausted. And I had just a few minutes before that found out on my ski forum that a skier had passed away in a skiing accident. So I had a shutdown. I can't control when they happen, they just do and I just have to wait for my brain to reset itself. Fortunately they are not like meltdowns so they are not loud and agitated, I just kind of get a blank stare and sit there staring into space for awhile to give my brain time to reset.

When the others saw this, none of them asked me what I was doing or if I was okay. One of them said, "Why is she doing that?" Another one answered and said, "Oh she's just mad because of what her husband is talking about." Then they went on talking about me as if I was not there. That was totally ridiculous because there was nothing in what he was saying to make me or anyone else mad about anything. I just sat there in utter disbelief. I did not bother saying anything until they were done. First of all, I did not have the energy to pull out of the shutdown and secondly I was wondering how far they were going to go with this. Finally when I told them the news I had heard on the forum they all felt like crap. Serves them right I think. Then one of them got mad at me for not having told her immediately when I found out. She said that made her look and feel like a sh***y friend and that it was not right for me not to tell her right away.

I had only found out a few minutes before. She is not a skier and not on my forum and I did not feel the need to tell her without having had a chance to process it for myself first. And it's not like she even had any idea who the guy was so I did not need to tell her at all. For these kinds of experiences and others which I do not need to mention, I do not hang out with her anymore.

I totally understand how ski boots are tough for you. A good fitting boot takes a couple of weeks to break in and it can be a very painful process. And sometimes your feet have to reaclimate every season which can also be painful. And if the kids are not used to the stiffness of the hold on their ankles, it can be really super uncomfortable even in the rentals which they were using. I am like you that sometimes I feel like hugging people just because I feel l like hugging them. Good hugs are so wonderful.

Your English teacher sounds like a bit of a turd. I would be super frustrated in that class. I love creative writing and I write very well. I had an argument with an English professor in college once because it was an historically African American university so even though the class was not a class to focus on writing about African American issues, he kept insisting that every paper be about an African American issue. I found that really infuriating so I sat him down one day and gave him an earful about how I was going to write about the topics I wanted to write about. I told him it was stupid and presumptuous for him to think that just because he is teaching African Americans at a black university, that does not mean that African American issues are the only things that the students think about and are interested in. He was not from this country nor was he black. He got the message and I ended up getting an A in his class.

Thank you, I really needed to hear that.

^^I prefer summer and hot weather, so skiing isn't really for me.
Oh, oops. I ended up ranting about two classes at once! My English class is the one with the uncomfortable source material [yet also has next to no creativity and rigidness abound], and my Creative Writing Class does have a nice teacher, but she often can't understand how I sometimes want to do things my way. For instance, in my English class, we're studying Hamlet [which I know extremely well and have read many times], and I've come up with a neat way to do my essay that doesn't work according to the teacher's expectations, so I won't use it. Hopefully I can convince him that I can write a wonderful paper on how Sydney Carton from A Tale of Two Cities is a true hero instead of doing Catcher In The Rye next month. Phew. It feel surprisingly good to write all of that out. Normally I don't rant about school [except in my head] to anyone because I don't want them to worry.

^Yay! Now I feel happy!

Feel free to rant about school or anything else here anytime. So glad you are feeling happy!

For summer sports I like kayaking, biking, hiking, horse riding, and golf. Do you like any of those?

I love hiking and exploring secret places. I also like horses, but I don't like riding them [it's too high for me].

Yay!^

Another assumption people make about me is that because I often choose not to talk that:

a) I am mute

or

b) am too stupid to talk.

I often talk so little that I almost go mute. Actually, sometimes I even do go mute for awhile.

When I was in school, I talked so little that when I finally did speak up I was greated with a wall of:

^Yep, that's what it's like for me sometimes. I will respond if someone talks to me, but it might take me a bit.

That is cool. I understand about the height with riding. It is very high especially on a tall horse. My sister has the same issue. She is actually afraid of the in saddle height so she does not like riding either.

I love to take breaks from verbal speech. Although I naturally speak very well and always have, I can find speech very exhausting unless it is about something that I am passionate about. Then I can go on forever. That is actually another Autism phenomenon that I read about in Tony Attwood's book. I had never understood why some topics can be so debilitatingly exhausting that I can't stand to talk about them for more than a few minutes but how I can have the energy to talk about an interest for days. It's pretty funny. But I find that taking regular breaks from verbal communication is very helpful to me. I also find that I can often become situationally mute. I believe the actual term for that is selective mutism. I can be speaking just fine and then go to a place where I had a traumatic experience or be with someone that I relate to differently and my speech will go out the window. Sometimes it deteriorates and regresses especially if I am tired or let my walls down. Sometimes it is gone completely and the effort it takes to produce words at all is so great that it's just not worth it.

Sometimes it's hard because people know that I can speak so they always expect me to even if I am not feeling up to it. I used to force myself but now I carry a card that I made in my wallet to let people know that I need to be nonverbal whenever I need that.

Last edited by skibum on 28 Apr 2016, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I used to be telepathic when I was quite small. Well, I still am, but people don't hear me as much.

That is so awesome. Keep those skills up. Do not lose them. You can communicate with animals that way. That is how they communicate with each other. Practice with animals in your life, even if you have to go to a zoo or something. I have been trying to learn it. It is a fantastic skill to have.

Yep, that's one of the many reasons why I love animals. I want to get a kitty cat. Mew.

I would love to have a cat again. I miss my cats that I grew up with so much. My brother's roommate has one so I spoil him all the time. He is going to have a birthday in the summer. I need to stock up on treats!