After a 4 year "relationship", I sure do love being single.

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But do I?

About 9 months ago, I broke up with my aspie girlfriend who, sadly, I am no longer on speaking terms with. At first I genuinely thought I'd found "love" (such a tired old concept, isn't it?) but after a while, things began to change. She kept bugging me about the fact I was anxious and depressed, talking about "fixing" me, treated me like her own personal ken doll, and controlled me to such an extent where I wasn't even allowed to be myself, make my own decisions, or even dress how I wanted around her anymore. Sure, the sex was brilliant (f**k you, ex's parents. We were screwing behind your back all the time, cause that's what people in their late teens do, oldtimers) Oh, god was it brilliant. That was how she got me to do as she asked me to. But in the end, when that "love" I had faded away (along with sexual attraction, also, it's very hard to be attracted to somebody who acts like a doting mother) and she began treating me in the ways I have mentioned, the relationship turned into a nightmare which was so much pressure, it damn nearly killed me.

Her parents were also super... Opinionated, lets say. And didn't really like an ex art student with different views to theirs going out with their "sweet, wonderful" daughter. Damn I feel stick to my stomach when I think of those people. Awful, awful bigoted, snobby, snake like people. They were super emotionally abusive to her, and I was the only one who noticed, tried to tell her what was happening, but she obviously didn't listen. Dad bought her nice stuff like cars! HOW could he be screwing her up emotionally, pfft. Goddamn her dad was the worst. used to give us stinkeye for showing affection in public and make us sleep in seperate rooms, despite us both being well over the age of consent. Swear he was stuck in the 50s.

Anyway, I think you all get the picture now. I very much enjoy being single now, and it's given me the chance to finally work on myself, without feeling like I've got some sort of (sorry about this awful terminology, but it's the most accurate I could think of) controlling parasite clamped onto my neck. Although we were both the same age, I didn't realise (but realise now in retrospect) that she was actually quite emotionally immature, even by aspie standards, which of course, unnerved me as time went on. Recently I've realised I'm not that bothered about women. I could get laid, if I could be bothered, but most of the time I'm too busy trying to deal with my other problems to do that.

What I'm confused about is, is it that I really do enjoy being alone, or have I just become bitter due to a bad experience? I seriously feel like I'd rather remain single (and free to live how I want to) because it would mean less stress for me, and probably a smoother life. But if somebody comes along who I actually really do get on with, who likes me back, and is stable, how do I know they won't turn out like she did? As a passive person, do I naturally attract people with controlling personalities? And do you think wanting to remain "single and free" is just giving up, or a genuinely good choice, if it's what I want?

YES!

It sucks but it's pretty rare to find someone who wants to be an equal team member and there are many who want someone to be in charge or want to take charge of you.