partners with Aspergers easier than a NT ASD relationship?

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League_Girl
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30 Apr 2016, 4:30 am

mikeman7918 wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
Who does not have any psychological disorder? Anxiety, depression, ADD, OCD, and the list goes on.

75.8% of all residents in the United States 18 and older have no diagnosable psychological disorders.

Again, this is why I prefer the term "allistic" to describe a non-autistic person because that is the literal definition, and neurodiversity extends to much more then just autism. You can keep using the word "neurotipical" if you want, I am just pointing this out.



I am not sure what you mean by diagnosable psychological disorders but what about people out there who have significant impairments but don't fit either label? That certainly wouldn't make them normal, it would just mean they have something but nothing fits. That is my issue with the DSM.


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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


Anngables
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30 Apr 2016, 4:48 am

As a non logical Nt (type person) my view is that humans are humans. What attracts us to each other is a bit of a mystery. I guess I know I am attracted to interesting, intelligent, non conventional people . . . . . But it doesn't mean that I am always attracted to folk on the spectrum. Best thing is not to put anyone in the box. Meet and talk to as many people as possible and try work out the compatibility thing as you go along. Relationships are not easy for ANYONE I promise you.



rdos
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30 Apr 2016, 8:16 am

Anngables wrote:
As a non logical Nt (type person) my view is that humans are humans. What attracts us to each other is a bit of a mystery. I guess I know I am attracted to interesting, intelligent, non conventional people . . . . . But it doesn't mean that I am always attracted to folk on the spectrum. Best thing is not to put anyone in the box. Meet and talk to as many people as possible and try work out the compatibility thing as you go along. Relationships are not easy for ANYONE I promise you.


That actually is not helpful for people like me. You assume that everybody want to meet and talk (dating), and that this is a kind of human universal for how humans get into relationships. It's not. In fact, I select potential partners only among those that won't do dating, and that are highly persistent and can keep a nonverbal interest for months with no conversation.

We are not even on the same page in what the "box" really is. I could even claim that your "dating box" is quite problematic for many NDs.

Not only that, but I have no wish to figure out if I'm compatible with a potential partner in the social domain or interest-wise by conversation. My compatible concerns are on a completely different level: I want partners that are reliable, protective, persistent, creative and smart. I don't care about their social status, and neither do I care what music they prefer, or what political views they have.



Last edited by rdos on 30 Apr 2016, 8:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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30 Apr 2016, 8:23 am

mikeman7918 wrote:
^I guess that supports the notion that there really is no such thing as being "neurotipical" because everyone is just so different. I personally don't like the term much.


I think you misunderstand the concepts. At least for me, people are not ND or NT. It's traits that are either ND or NT, and people typically have both types of traits. Some people have a huge majority of NT traits, and it is convenient to label those as "neurotypical", while some have a huge majority of ND traits, and those can be labelled as "neurodiverse". Still, ND and NT shouldn't be defined on the level of individuals as that is an incorrect method.



Anngables
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30 Apr 2016, 8:36 am

I'm sorry if you found it unhelpful .. . . I didn't mean meet and talk (as in dating) I meant in general. Either online or in person. I was going to write more but think I may end up irritating you more which is not my intention



rdos
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30 Apr 2016, 8:44 am

Anngables wrote:
I'm sorry if you found it unhelpful .. . . I didn't mean meet and talk (as in dating) I meant in general. Either online or in person. I was going to write more but think I may end up irritating you more which is not my intention


I'm not irritated. :wink:

Just a little tired of the assumption that talking & conversation & dating is all there is to relationships, and that we should find human variation only within that narrow "box". :lol:



kraftiekortie
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30 Apr 2016, 8:46 am

I get what you mean, Anna.

Even most people on the Spectrum want to connect to another person. It's just that it's somewhat more difficult for them at times. Many are irritated at the social hoops which they have to go through in order to make friends. They ask: Why can't people be more direct?



rdos
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30 Apr 2016, 8:53 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I get what you mean, Anna.

Even most people on the Spectrum want to connect to another person. It's just that it's somewhat more difficult for them at times. Many are irritated at the social hoops which they have to go through in order to make friends. They ask: Why can't people be more direct?


Kind of. It would indeed be a lot easier if people were more direct, but OTOH, I really do enjoy ND game-playing too so I'm not all for being direct, and especially not in the relationship area. But in general, being more direct is a compromise that is usable from both the perspective of NTs and NDs.



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30 Apr 2016, 11:03 am

Ok let me try and explain better .. . .. . Bare with me my brain is wired differently :D I was thinking of my friendship with a wonderful ND man . . .. . If I had made out a list of what I wanted in a best friend from initial conversations he wouldn't have rated. We met online via a mutual friend who suggested we might get on due to some shared interests. I thought he was"nice" but probably a bit dull. As time went on I realised how amazingly intelligent, quirky and funny he was. No idea what he thought of me :wink: Our friendship nearly a yr on is great. However in the compatibility test we are literally planets apart . . . .. . I am a touchy feely over emotional "let's talk about our emotions!" Type NT he is Aspie with the associated need for down time, independence, emotions expressed through actions type guy. However it works because I guess we are both prepared to try and understand each other. I'm sure I often irritate him, in fact I know it, but he also infuriates me. However I am here learning and reading to ensure I understand better and he goes out of his way to show he cares . . . .. .it would have been a shame if we had both decided we weren't the "right type" to get along. And I wasn't even looking for a friend or relationship . . .. . I accepted friend invite to be polite to my friend :)



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01 May 2016, 6:14 am

This is a classic dichotomus sort of relationship which you expressed: the touchy-feely NT and the touch-aversive Aspie.

There's nothing wrong with this; in fact, I think it's natural. It seems to me that this man presents a challenge to you, and that you are impressed by his intelligence and unusual quirks.

I hope you two find a compromise--and that you could meet each other half way. It sounds like you could benefit from each other.



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01 May 2016, 9:19 am

Thank you - we seem to be doing ok so far. My point was that if you are too analytical of who to have a relationship or friendship with you may miss opportunities. What looks like a complete disaster on paper can turn out well. Us humans are weird things :D



kraftiekortie
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01 May 2016, 9:34 am

That we are! And the sooner we realize that, the better!

When I was younger, I used to get upset because it didn't seem that any woman felt "that chemistry" with me. I would try to analyze it objectively. I would ask the women why--and they could never explain it.

I just gave up on treating "love" as a logical thing. Thus, I didn't make as much of an effort to "offset" the lack of "chemistry" women felt for me. I did better in love as a result.



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01 May 2016, 2:03 pm

I am sure that there is something within us that determines who we are attracted to, yet, studies have shown that we are actually ever-changing in our conscious "types"... We constantly switch up types of people we like.

Some things are too complex and subjective for humans to understand. Luckily, in a relationship, we tend to solidify for a while, though not always!