Response to thread in women's section.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:21 pm

nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You're wrong at that, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really changed to happy persons after finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instance here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:


You can't be talking about me, Boo, unless I have a Hunny who is invisible.


No, WP is full of cat avs, I made it very hard to guess :P.



nurseangela
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02 May 2016, 4:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You're wrong at that, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really changed to happy persons after finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instance here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:


You can't be talking about me, Boo, unless I have a Hunny who is invisible.


No, WP is full of cat avs, I made it very hard to guess :P.


Many cats, but only one original. :mrgreen:


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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:28 pm

^ No, no one is original. You are all soulless cat-clones. :skull: :skull: :skull:



EnmaLionheart
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02 May 2016, 4:39 pm

Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


He is saying that all women want this not one particular person


Oh crap! I thought it was one person. ^^;.
But all women are not like that from the original post. :-/


The orginal post he is talking about was saying women are not obsessed with money. Sly disagrees and things they all are


Oh okay. I'm not going to try and understand why about this. I already feel this is going be to migraine inducing for me with this scenario. I did see a post saying something about this topic and how it needs to be gone.


I want to say this should be handled somewhere else. I'll let the mods deal with this topic and see what should be done.


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marshall
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02 May 2016, 5:38 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?

We don't even know if he is truly clinically depressed. When you have clinical depression you experience a thing called anhedonia. You lose interest in things. You lose all your willpower. Life itself loses meaning. Things like getting out of bed or taking a shower become major obstacles. I don't think being upset over not finding a SO automatically qualifies as depression. If Sly found a SO tomorrow and was suddenly happy again, I would say he was never truly chemically depressed. It's more likely he has a problem with obsessive thinking.



marshall
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02 May 2016, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.

Chemical depression exists. I think when you have chemical depression you know it. It has a more existential feel to it. Everything feels pointless. It is different from situational or thought-based depression. I think if Sly was chemically depressed he wouldn't even be trying so hard to get dates. If you are truly chemically depressed, even finding a relationship seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. It is more rare than situational depression though.



kraftiekortie
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02 May 2016, 5:49 pm

Sly is a tall man of average looks. I've seen his picture.

He's not a monstrosity. He's not ugly. He's regular-looking.



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02 May 2016, 5:49 pm

Okay, I must admit that I did not read through 7 pages of posts. And perhaps the OP was just ranting, I'm not sure. But in the case that he wasn't just ranting and this was a genuine confusion.....I think you are misunderstanding what women mean by "financially stable". They don't just mean that a man is earning and spending consistently (like earning $2 and spending $2 as you mentioned). They mean that not only his income, but his stored up money (from saving and not spending $150K after earning 100K, as you mentioned) is strong enough to weather the many unexpected and accumulating expenses that life in the US, at least, can incur. There are people who are very fine jobs who will suddenly have a medical condition that insurance can't totally cover, and then that wipes them out financially. Or they have kids with a lot of medical issues, or they just want to afford more than the bare minimum, they want to avoid credit card debt. These are sad things that can happen, so when the seek financial stability, they are thinking of planning ahead for a comfortable life at best and survival at worst - survival with one's own money, rather than going into heaps of debt. I think this is a very practical thing when people seek financial stability, and most men and women that I know both seek this for themselves, and they seek a partner who shares those same values. Bottom line is, if you can't offer this kind of financial stability, then don't seek women who want it - limit yourself to women who are less concerned about it, and is instead more interested in what you do have to offer her in other ways. There's no point in trying to date someone when you aren't offering what they are looking for - both people would just be miserable.



Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 5:54 pm

marshall wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.

Chemical depression exists. I think when you have chemical depression you know it. It has a more existential feel to it. Everything feels pointless. It is different from situational or thought-based depression. I think if Sly was chemically depressed he wouldn't even be trying so hard to get dates. If you are truly chemically depressed, even finding a relationship seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. It is more rare than situational depression though.


I'm not sure if that's completely true. I suffer from that depression and wanted desperately to be in a relationship. Im in a relationship now but still suffer from it



marshall
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02 May 2016, 6:11 pm

Alliekit wrote:
marshall wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.

Chemical depression exists. I think when you have chemical depression you know it. It has a more existential feel to it. Everything feels pointless. It is different from situational or thought-based depression. I think if Sly was chemically depressed he wouldn't even be trying so hard to get dates. If you are truly chemically depressed, even finding a relationship seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. It is more rare than situational depression though.


I'm not sure if that's completely true. I suffer from that depression and wanted desperately to be in a relationship. Im in a relationship now but still suffer from it

I'm just saying there is a difference between the kind of depression Sly is describing and the kind that makes it almost impossible to work or do anything. I've had severe depression for years on end (I'm 35 years old) and I don't think Sly is to that point.

I hate talking about people in the third person, but I'm guessing the biggest problem for Sly is lack of something to focus on. I think this is a major problem for aspies in the modern world. We are wired to be passionate. We have intense interests and intense focus. Unfortunately, the world doesn't provide a good focus for us. We are forced to do unfulfilling work that doesn't really engage us. With nothing positive to focus on, it's really easy to begin to focus on very negative things.



Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 6:55 pm

^ That makes perfect sense to me and I see your point about the depression. Ive suffered since I was 14 (around the same time I was diagnosed with high functioning autism and lots of other stuff was going on). I'm not 21 and still have days I can't leave my room



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02 May 2016, 9:03 pm

I do not believe there is such a thing as financially stable in the middle class anymore. Everyone's hanging on a thread these days (unless you are wealthy).



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02 May 2016, 9:45 pm

I don't think you were being insensitive alliekit, and your advice has been useful, I was just saying some may not accept it.

In my experiences some people in relationships tend to be less likely to help their single friends.

When my male friends and I are all single, we work together to find girlfriends rather than leave it up to ourselves.

Two poor friends can also work together and co-operate. They can open a business together or otherwise find some other way for mutual benefits.

But all a rich friend can give to their poor friend is advice.

Sometimes a rich friend may not even want to hand a job position (even a low one) to their friend.

"They are my friend, but I worked hard to earn the spot I'm in right now, and I'm not giving them any free-handouts."

Likewise, two lonely, depressed friends might actually find joy in complaining and hating the world together, maybe even going so far as to hang out with each other and getting wasted or high together to rid themselves of their pains - misery loves company.

Meanwhile, a happy friend could never find interest in getting all moody and depressed with their miserable friends.

So sometimes it's good to have friends at the same success level as yourself, because then even if you have friends, if they're all happy positive successful people, they don't want to pull dead weight such as yourself and you'll only feel even more lonely because they don't want to hang out with someone depressed.

So being friends with other miserable people can actually sometimes bring happiness, as you're not alone.

"But even having a loving girlfriend may improve him it will not be a complete cure due to the damage done. It may take time even after or he may need some counciling..."

Like I've said before, that slight improvement could be all the difference, and for all we know could be the actual push of encouragement some people need to begin their path of self-improvement.

What's self-improvement if you can only satisfy yourself?

Not everyone can be happy purely by their own opinion and no one else's, and sometimes, this isn't actually a good thing because some people become over-confident and arrogant in themselves if they've got no one to take them back to reality.

BOO:

I think I know which user you're talking about with the cat picture. She mentioned being very attractive but still very lonely, correct? And...yeah...I did see that change to happiness as well once she found a relationship...

"I hate talking about people in the third person, but I'm guessing the biggest problem for Sly is lack of something to focus on."

Lol, I'm not as depressed as Sly, but still am, and do have things to focus on.

I've got a lot of free time as it is and spend it enjoying my hobbies and interests. When I'm not doing that, I'm going to a social group for disabled people 2 days a week and volunteer 1-2 days a week. I'm currently not studying so I don't have to worry about any stupid homework or assignments, and I'm close to disability pension so no need to look for work and not getting pressured by the government.

Still miserably lonely due to no relationship and friends living far away.

So, I guess step 1 for Sly is to focus on positive things, hobbies and interests, and if he's still unhappy, well, what was the point of all that time on his hobbies and interests if he's still miserably lonely?

I enjoy life on my hobbies and interests, I've learnt to have so much fun alone in my room. Just me and my games and the internet, and my sports and weightlifting gear, and food (I eat lots as part of my workout plan). I am a musician, I'm training myself to be a good swimmer, I occasionally write.

Sometimes, finding friends and a relationship should, or can, be step 1 instead of step 2.

Sometimes good friends is what helps you find positive things to do, because there's about a million more things to do that are fun with others than alone.

Having friends = going out, eating out, sports if you have athletic friends, gaming sessions, bar-going, clubbing, etc.

These are all positive things that take you away from your daily worries and stress, and are social rather than anti-social.

Most people I come across who enjoy their solitude usually have the option of switching back and forth between socially active and socially inactive.

As in, they already have plenty of friends in their life that choosing to be alone actually makes them feel better and not worse.

Those that don't have a choice and are simply lonely, typically do want a social life.



RubyTates
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02 May 2016, 11:02 pm

sly279 wrote:
Either way I'll be sad, there's no going back to the past. I'd probably wanted to date sooner if I wasn't emotionally and physically abused by girls in elementary and middle school.

Why is it so wrong for aspie guys do want to be loved and have a relationship like everyone else.


Sly, I think there is nothing wrong with that. Just because one woman says it's your problem, doesn't mean we all think that way. I know how superficial society is and I believe you when you say you are being mistreated. People can be very cruel and they just don't care. Can I ask how you are going about meeting women? Is it through a dating site, or just people you bump into while at work? And can I ask if you have ever thought about going back to get your GED?

I don't mean to be harsh, but I think if you are having issues with people, then you should not give them the time of day. I think you should focus more on yourself and making sure you feel alright in your own skin. The world has a way of beating everyone down, especially aspies. Sometimes when I deal with too many people I just want to take a break for a few days to recuperate, but then I realize that I don't really care about them or what they think and it makes me feel better.

Yes, women are mean. And manipulative, and vindictive. Most of the ones I've met in my life have been that way.

Another true fact- those women who place so much importance on money and status of men usually end up losing their marketplace value by the time they hit 30, and end up getting divorced and tossed out for a younger, newer version. Life has a way of evening out things, even if you do not see it as equal now.



Alliekit
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03 May 2016, 2:34 am

RubyTates wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Either way I'll be sad, there's no going back to the past. I'd probably wanted to date sooner if I wasn't emotionally and physically abused by girls in elementary and middle school.

Why is it so wrong for aspie guys do want to be loved and have a relationship like everyone else.



Yes, women are mean. And manipulative, and vindictive. Most of the ones I've met in my life have been that way.


Bit of a generalization! This is offensive, not all of us are this way. I dispise being described in this fashion. Men can be very mean too, all people can. There's not one gender more mean than the other



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03 May 2016, 2:46 am

It's war again.