Response to thread in women's section.

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0_equals_true
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02 May 2016, 4:01 pm

I'm financially stable to an extent. I have savings and investments. I'm self employed which you could argue isn't always so stable.

However I'm not interested in a relationship where this is relevant.

I have no intention of being financially dependent on a romantic partner and wouldn't want this from them.

I'm looking for someone who is quite independent, who doesn't want the whole marriage and kids.



Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 4:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
[

The life reasons cause that imbalance



I think you added that, and that makes the whole difference.

If that life reason (Failing in dating) that causing that imbalance which in turns is causing him the depression, then the root reason for his depression is... failure in dating.

So attempting to restore his chemical balance with drugs, can only work temporarily, and he has to rely on them for life as long this life problem persists,- in that case, the real cure is the removal of the root reason, which can be done by either him succeeding in dating, or to mentally not to care anymore about it.


That is true (saw this after hahaha) but my point was just that him finding a girlfriend won't be a cure



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:07 pm

Alliekit wrote:

Example:
Dating > chemical imbalance > depression
Chemical imbalance > depression

When you take away the dating you are still left with the chemical imbalance that causes depresion. Although keeping the dating there will only fuel his depression but taking it away won't be an instant fix




So we are not disagreeing that it might really be the dating.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:08 pm

Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
[

The life reasons cause that imbalance



I think you added that, and that makes the whole difference.

If that life reason (Failing in dating) that causing that imbalance which in turns is causing him the depression, then the root reason for his depression is... failure in dating.

So attempting to restore his chemical balance with drugs, can only work temporarily, and he has to rely on them for life as long this life problem persists,- in that case, the real cure is the removal of the root reason, which can be done by either him succeeding in dating, or to mentally not to care anymore about it.


That is true (saw this after hahaha) but my point was just that him finding a girlfriend won't be a cure


If he finds one and be happy with (the other option is to forget about dating), and with the proper treatment, then yes, it is the cure - as I have explained earlier why.
That if there's no other life reason causing him this imbalance hence depression.



Alliekit
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02 May 2016, 4:11 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:

Example:
Dating > chemical imbalance > depression
Chemical imbalance > depression

When you take away the dating you are still left with the chemical imbalance that causes depresion. Although keeping the dating there will only fuel his depression but taking it away won't be an instant fix




So we are not disagreeing that it might really be the dating.


No hahahaha we are actually agreeing.

But even having a loving girlfriend may improve him it will not be a complete cure due to the damage done. It may take time even after or he may need some counciling

I've been in an extremely happy relationship for 2 years and still really suffer with depression despite loneliness no longer adding to my depression. Being alone made my depression worse but being woth someone hasn't fixed it

Edit: my phone sucks and spells things wrong



Last edited by Alliekit on 02 May 2016, 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

nurseangela
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02 May 2016, 4:12 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
[

The life reasons cause that imbalance



I think you added that, and that makes the whole difference.

If that life reason (Failing in dating) that causing that imbalance which in turns is causing him the depression, then the root reason for his depression is... failure in dating.

So attempting to restore his chemical balance with drugs, can only work temporarily, and he has to rely on them for life as long this life problem persists,- in that case, the real cure is the removal of the root reason, which can be done by either him succeeding in dating, or to mentally not to care anymore about it.


That is true (saw this after hahaha) but my point was just that him finding a girlfriend won't be a cure


If he finds one and be happy with (the other option is to forget about dating), and with the proper treatment, then yes, it is the cure - as I have explained earlier why.


I believe that Sly has "Situational Depression" or what they call "Health Adjustment Disorder" brought on by the situation and his continuous negative thought patterns. I included a web page on it and the treatment is biofeedback to counteract the negative thoughts.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/ment ... der?page=1


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The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:15 pm

You're wrong at that, it's not always the case, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really TRANSFORMED to happy persons after finding a good boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instances here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 02 May 2016, 4:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

nurseangela
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02 May 2016, 4:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You're wrong at that, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really changed to happy persons after finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instance here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:


You can't be talking about me, Boo, unless I have a Hunny who is invisible.


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Yigeren
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02 May 2016, 4:19 pm

If he's so depressed he ought to be doing something else besides taking the same actions and expecting different results.

It makes no sense to repeatedly do the exact same thing with poor results, and then complain to everyone about how it's not working, and then blame the fact that he can't find a date on women not wanting to date poor men.

What he ought to do is stop using dating sites, because they aren't working for him, and find women in real life. He also ought to be considering that he may be offensive in some way, and fix whatever it is. Maybe he has bad B.O., or doesn't brush his teeth enough. Or it could be how he dresses. Who knows?

Poor men get dates all the time. They usually date poor women. Probably not on dating sites. People are going to be very picky and superficial on dating sites. This isn't rocket science. I wouldn't use dating sites myself.



hurtloam
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02 May 2016, 4:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.


Even if it is caused by circumstances like dating or abuse in childhood, depression changes the way we think and can cause serious long term effects to the brain. It will take time and possibly drugs and therapy to overcome that. For some lucky people a change in circumstances may help, but for others the depressive thought patterns are so ingrained over time that a change in circumstances won't be enough to change that.

And yes I have seen a shift too in reports on depression. Where once it was all about unbalanced brain chemistry, professionals are looking for a change in the way the NHS deals with depressed patients. There was an interview on the radio recently where a professional was saying we need to help people rather than throw drugs at them. I was driving at the time so couldn't write down who it was who was interviewed.



The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:21 pm

nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You're wrong at that, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really changed to happy persons after finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instance here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:


You can't be talking about me, Boo, unless I have a Hunny who is invisible.


No, WP is full of cat avs, I made it very hard to guess :P.



nurseangela
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02 May 2016, 4:22 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You're wrong at that, Allie, my observation says otherwise, I did personally know people who were miserable and depressed, and really changed to happy persons after finding a boyfriend/girlfriend. It happens.

There are actually real instance here on WP! There were some (female) users who were used to **caugh*whine**caugh****caugh* about dating and to expressed depression as much as sly, and suddenly they became happy people after finding a boyfriend.

Some of these users are still active (much less tho) and they're among us. Meow (hint). :cat:


You can't be talking about me, Boo, unless I have a Hunny who is invisible.


No, WP is full of cat avs, I made it very hard to guess :P.


Many cats, but only one original. :mrgreen:


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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.


The_Face_of_Boo
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02 May 2016, 4:28 pm

^ No, no one is original. You are all soulless cat-clones. :skull: :skull: :skull:



EnmaLionheart
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02 May 2016, 4:39 pm

Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
EnmaLionheart wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Women hid behind saying they want a guy who's finical stable not rich. Well only 1% of people are rich. So put them out of the way. When men say women only care about guys with money we aren't saying rich guys. We're talking about upper middle class guys which is the same guys you women talk about when you say finically stable, we're not stupid we can read between the lines.

You don't consider a min wage guy finically stable
You thinking middle class makes more then $22 an hour guys. Why because everyone in the west is brainwashed to think you need to be middle class. Must be middle class. If your not middle class you failed.
Well full middle class. I hop I'm never middle class. I never want to be part of such a selfish bunch of people,who think they'll better then everyone else and all the problems are because of poor people and why won't they just die so I can have little bit more money.

If I guy makes $2 and hour and lives off $2 and hour then he's finically stable . There isn't some arbitrary income that makes you finically stable. You can make 100,000 and hour and spend 150,000 an hour. You can make min wage and cut cost on stupid superficial stuff and make it just fine, two people working min wage make 2/3k a month which is More then enough to live on. Most why can't a woman making 22 an hour be with a guy making mine wage and do ok?

Would you be happy if most guys rejected you for not making enough? Or not looking beautiful enough?

Really don't get why you all want me to live since you look down on me and other poor guys so much. If you won't date us why would any other women. Freaking two sided is what it is.



Whoa, this is crazy plus shallow and superficial on thier end on multiple levels. I suspect the person in question should have been told the saying: "Money does not bring happiness." I hate to say what I'm going to say next. This in a small way of this person wanting a Sugar Daddy...I think. :-/


He is saying that all women want this not one particular person


Oh crap! I thought it was one person. ^^;.
But all women are not like that from the original post. :-/


The orginal post he is talking about was saying women are not obsessed with money. Sly disagrees and things they all are


Oh okay. I'm not going to try and understand why about this. I already feel this is going be to migraine inducing for me with this scenario. I did see a post saying something about this topic and how it needs to be gone.


I want to say this should be handled somewhere else. I'll let the mods deal with this topic and see what should be done.


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02 May 2016, 5:38 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?

We don't even know if he is truly clinically depressed. When you have clinical depression you experience a thing called anhedonia. You lose interest in things. You lose all your willpower. Life itself loses meaning. Things like getting out of bed or taking a shower become major obstacles. I don't think being upset over not finding a SO automatically qualifies as depression. If Sly found a SO tomorrow and was suddenly happy again, I would say he was never truly chemically depressed. It's more likely he has a problem with obsessive thinking.



marshall
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02 May 2016, 5:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
I suppose my thing is that at the end of the day getting into a relationship won't stop you being depressed.

I know how it is to be there because despite being in a happy relationship I still suffer with depression. For me having the better good days with my bf can mean even worse days on my bad days.

I still have days where I consider the unthinkable and hate the world but the thing that keeps me going is how I plan to become someone who can help save life's.

I love my bf but he is not the centre of my world and nor is he the cure to my depression


Sly is saying that his depression started after he went in the dating realm. I mean it's possible that failure in dating is the source of his depression, why is that so hard to believe? Why people always say things like "Oh..but love doesn't cure depression", "you might be seeking it for the wrong reasons" while in reality the failure in that might the source of it?


It won't cure it no matter what caused it. Outside factors cause the chemical imbalance but only time and/or medication can cure it.


The chemical imbalance is a pseudo-scientific overused term, don't believe in it much, most depression cases are causes by life reasons.

Dating might be a really depression experience, it's actually a "O judge me! O judge me!" ritual.

Chemical depression exists. I think when you have chemical depression you know it. It has a more existential feel to it. Everything feels pointless. It is different from situational or thought-based depression. I think if Sly was chemically depressed he wouldn't even be trying so hard to get dates. If you are truly chemically depressed, even finding a relationship seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. It is more rare than situational depression though.