I figured out what NT's mean by "smiling"

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So I have had issues smiling my entire life. I would just be sitting and somebody would ask me why I wasn't smiling. It really confused me because when I look at other people they do not necessarily walk and sit around smiling. So a teacher pulled me after class and asked my why I don't smile in her class. So the next day I decided to sit in class smiling a big fake smile for a full hour even though my face was beginning to hurt. After class she called me again and said "why I asked you smile I did not mean literally, I mean just look like you want to be here." So I asked my friend about it she said that apparently NT's usually have a smile in the eyes or some other type of positive expression on the face (curiosity, interest etc.) she said that my eye expression is a blank stare and it is unsettling to people looking at me. It doesn't actually mean to walk and sit smiling like this It means smiling in the eyes and engaging the muscles in your face to make some type of SUBTLE positive expression even when your not talking. I thought this might help someone who has been as confused as I have been.

I always thought they meant smiling as in with their mouth. I don't see many people smiling either unless they are talking and saying hi to each other or go get their picture taken. But I always notice movement on faces when I look at them.

I find this SO hard! When I try to do the smile-with-the-eyes thing, I think my face actually ends up looking strained/pained a bit, so that doesn't work - I'm afraid people think I look uncomfortable/anxious/nervous/tense. So what I do is a actually is - well in class, maybe that pained/strained thing - but with people, I notice that I smile and animate my face extra. So then they no longer think I'm bad-tempered (which everyone used to think, and I was so sick of!), but....if they pick up on it (as some do), it can seem slightly weird/creepy in a different way. *Sigh*. I've noticed other people don't smile nearly as much as I do, they mostly just keep their faces natural in conversation, only really smiling when they are about to laugh, or other times too, but not nearly as much as I do. But their "natural" faces are neutral, whereas mine is apparently negative.

Wish I could naturally have that smile-with-the eyes thing going on!

They just say that to people who have "resting b***h face." If your expression is flat, you likely look angry or depressed. I gave up on trying to fix it unless I need to look pleasant for some specific reason.

So I walk around all day apparently looking as though I want to kill someone. It comes in handy if I don't want to be bothered.

I laughed when I read this.

I never realized this either!! I was always confused. So, I realized (someone told me they didn't mean smile just "look happier") So, I would open up my eyes more like when you're trying to take in information or curious about something.
But then realized if I keep my face "dead" and ever so slightly lift my lip in (natural because holy f**k leave me alone strangers on the street) disgust or contempt for people- they generally give me lots of space.

I really did used to think they meant smile and be f*****g constantly happy....
So, I did that and then people asked me what was so funny or why I was so happy all the time... I swear you can never win.
I'd much rather just keep my face straight and normal, instead of contorting it into all sorts of expressions just to suit the needs of other people. But I can't just have a neutral normal "me" expression

LOL! I have recently thought about throwing in the towel and just relaxing my face - after all, if trying to do this hidden smile thing is a strain, then it is just making my internal state more tense, and that's counterproductive. And....I posted elsewhere about this, but I want to work on confidence. And part of that is just being fine with myself, even if others aren't...and honestly, smiling all the time, for me, makes me look more "harmless" and therefore approachable, but it doesn't win my respect. I think more edge can probably just keep the wrong people away from me to begin with, then I have less manipulators to deal with.

In my last days of school, there was a celebration. I was watching a small show and a classmate walked up to me and said "Whoa, you just totally had a murderer's stare on your face!". I was fully relaxed and just watching though.
Perhaps I qualify for RBF.

I was never picked out and talked to by teachers. If there was a talk with a teacher, it was rather because of conflicts with peers. But then again, I don't have the feeling the teachers really cared that much to pay attention to unusual facial expressions either.

In my last days of highschool, there was a rumor going around that I was a Satanist! Yeah, I think what you described qualifies you for RBF That is exactly the kind of experience I would have.

Oh, wow, that is great to know! I've always gotten the smile comment, too, and thought it meant I should literally have a smile on my face 24/7, even though people around me did not. What a great teacher who would explain something like that to you!

Not sure if I can do the smiling in the eyes thing, but I can try to have some expression on my face other than blank. People seem to think I'm sad when my face is neutral. I even had a cashier say, "It isn't that bad, is it?" to me one day, and I knew she was commenting on my expression, even though I was perfectly happy at the time. Thanks for posting this!

I got badgered about smiling my whole life, too. I read something about "Pretend you have a secret but won't tell anybody" - that comes through your eyes. I tried, it's not too bad. Doesn't hurt no matter how long you do it.

Yeah, that's never worked with me. I always got pestered for it as if bothering me was going to cheer me up. Sometimes it was an act of frustration as to why I would just get into that 'mode'.

They got used to me being able to do the stressful, showtime thing. But it wears thin fast.

So, if you get left alone, I am jealous....LOL

Yeah, I totally know what you mean. I smile like that while walking back to the train station after having had sex at some hotel. Works really nicely. I find that's when I get treated the best by almost everyone I come across.

It's not meant to "cheer you up". It's meant to berate you for not complying with the social norm of having a happy/interested face.

I seriously do not think they are berating you. Did you ever think that they see that something is off and it's their way of letting you know that something seems off?

I couldn't ever figure out when to smile or laugh. It makes me nervous when i'm asked why I'm smiling and I'm just doing it to act normal.
I still don't know how to smile with my eyes, it just looks like I'm concentrating or staring - when i was at school this would either weird my teachers out or fool them into thinking I'm actually trying to learn.

It's funny to watch NTs smile at each other, it's like they are grimacing at each other as some kind of social lubricant. I'd rather the world worked by focusing on the content of our words instead of all this strange nuance, but they seem to depend on this to understand whether the other person is well-intentioned or honest or angry or whatever. I am hardly ever looking at their eyes or faces, so I miss a lot of that.

Neurotypicals are very superficial, this just further proves my theory that autism represents enhanced human abilities at the expense of Neurotypical style social bonding.