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Yigeren
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04 May 2016, 1:55 am

I can't seem to find an explanation of this anywhere. I want to know what social skills typical NT people have. I want to know which things come naturally to them, and which they have to think about.

There are an awful lot of things that do not come naturally to me. I must think about them and remind myself of them. Many things that I should have just "picked up on" at least by the end of middle school (probably before) I only learned just a couple of years ago. In fact, these were generally things to which I was totally oblivious. I never realized that I needed to ask others questions of themselves, for instance, or what the purpose of small talk was. I didn't understand that friendships needed to be reciprocal, in that I should call others to get together, or they will think that I don't want to be friends. I didn't even understand when others were making efforts to try to be my friend.

There are things that do come naturally to me, such as tone of voice and humor. I usually don't have to try to understand humor or make jokes, and I don't have to think about what different tones of voice mean, or have to try to make mine seem natural. I assume that many social skills that NTs possess, but those with ASD do not, fall into this category.

So do NTs need to think about making eye contact? Do they generally have to think about what things are proper to say and do in social situations? I feel a need to know this, because I still am not quite sure which parts of myself are normal and which aren't.



mikeman7918
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04 May 2016, 12:00 pm

Yeah, I have wondered about that too. I have tried to find information online about it but it all seems to be about explaining what it's like to be autistic to non-autistic people and I just have to assume that anything listed there is not the case for most everyone else.

It's more then just social skills, I have heard it described that autistic people with sensitive hearing generally hear every little thing going on when walking down the street or whatever which happens to me, and it makes me wonder what it's like for everyone else because it's apparently not like that.

There is not a lot of information out there about what it's like to not be autistic from an autistic perspective.


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Grahzmann
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04 May 2016, 1:27 pm

Yigeren wrote:
There are an awful lot of things that do not come naturally to me. I must think about them and remind myself of them. Many things that I should have just "picked up on" at least by the end of middle school (probably before) I only learned just a couple of years ago. In fact, these were generally things to which I was totally oblivious. I never realized that I needed to ask others questions of themselves, for instance, or what the purpose of small talk was. I didn't understand that friendships needed to be reciprocal, in that I should call others to get together, or they will think that I don't want to be friends. I didn't even understand when others were making efforts to try to be my friend.


I didn't understand most of these things until I started reading this forum. I'm still not good at applying them in real life. I either forget or get too anxious when I do remember.

I am fine with tone of voice as well.

I'm pretty sure eye contact is at least natural to NTs (in most westerns culture anyway. I know it isn't universal). As far as knowing what to say or do in various social situations, I think everyone struggles with this from time to time, but Aspies will struggle with it much harder and more often.



Yigeren
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04 May 2016, 4:22 pm

I will have to ask someone I know who has normal eye contact if it takes any effort. I don't know too many people to ask. The people in my family that I am close to have autistic traits, so I think that asking them is not going to give me a good idea of what it's like for the typical NT.

Eye contact for me is natural at times, but not normal. I can't listen to others speak and look at them, because I can't understand what they are saying. Also, if I look at them while speaking, if what I'm saying isn't something simple, I will lose my train of thought. But after I say something, I usually look at the person to see their reaction, so I think at least that part is normal.

I pretty much avoid looking at anyone's eyes or faces in public, as it feels threatening or intense. I don't know if I am supposed to look at other people in public, anyway. I usually try to pretend that they aren't there, because I don't know what types of interactions are appropriate. I'm sure it makes me seem very unfriendly. Do people normally look at other people in public?

I know that eye contact can be seen as rude in non-Western cultures, so I'm wondering if it's easier for autistic people in those areas.



Dannyboy271
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04 May 2016, 4:27 pm

I don't know what it's like to have NT social skills, but I'm writing a post about having exceptional autistic social skills right now. I figured the way NT's think socially was a mystery enough that I'd be better off just doing what I do so long as it works.



Yigeren
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05 May 2016, 2:12 am

Apparently NTs don't need to think about eye contact or most other aspects of socializing, or so I've been told.



momofmax
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13 May 2016, 10:38 pm

I'm NT and I've never had to think about making eye contact. It just seems like a natural thing. I would feel odd speaking with someone if I was not looking at them. I've never really thought about what I should say, or shouldn't say, that also comes natural to me. However, I'm outgoing. My husband, also NT, is on the quieter side. He doesn't really like small talk and I know it tends to make him uncomfortable. I'm curious to see how my son does, he's an Aspie, when he gets a little older in these situations.


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15 May 2016, 10:32 am

Social conventions are taught but they need a certain awareness to not miss the lesson. They are also the living embodiment of that culture, so it feel more natural. Also the subtle various and contradictions may seem illogical.

What is not taught is inherent social behaviors and reaction, which is not something the person is conscious of. The believe on this may actual contradict what happens.

I think emulating reactive capability in real time is not realistic. So adaptions in other ways is my strategy.



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15 May 2016, 12:02 pm

momofmax wrote:
I'm NT and I've never had to think about making eye contact. It just seems like a natural thing. I would feel odd speaking with someone if I was not looking at them.

Lots of us here don't make eye contact but usually still look at the person. Myself included, though I had to be taught pretty late (well into my teens) to consistently look at people when I talk to them.



Mburk
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08 Aug 2016, 10:30 am

I also really wish I knew the answer to this. I feel and went through the exact same thing you did. Its only within the past year Ive realized I need to ask others about themselves or make an effort to do things with people, amoung other issues. I am really trying hard to work towards normalizing myself in social sitatuions. If you find any more information pertaining to this, please let me know.



ferrychristian
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09 Aug 2016, 1:41 am

I always focus on details,
Making an eye contact is very important.
Using good vocabulary
Correct pronunciation
these are some skills , which can be developed by a person himself, either by reading novels or by conversating in English.



TheZachadoodle
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09 Aug 2016, 11:05 am

You need to make sentences that get to the point. Right now I am handling backlash from a Youtube comment because I don't get to the point.