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hannahjrob
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 5 Feb 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 136

04 May 2016, 2:21 am

This is a really odd situation for me...this girl who is a coworker of mine has really taken to me and will hardly leave me alone and wants me to hang out with her outside of work. I can honestly say I've never had this "problem" before...I've always just had a very few close friends who I've really connected with. I've never had someone who doesn't have a lot in common with me really be interested in being my friend. Most people just think I'm weird/awkward and just ignore me or are nice to me, but just don't initiate a big friendship. The place I work is a restaurant. I'm definitely cool with everyone I work with, but the only people who I really hang out with outside of work are my boyfriend and his best friend who both work there too. Working at this place has actually improved my social skills a bit, and even though there are some people who I might not like as much as others, I'm nice to everyone and talk to pretty much everyone. Well anyway, this girl started working here maybe a couple months ago. I actually was partially responsible for training her, so of course I was nice to her and made her feel welcome. Then I continued to just be nice and treat her like any coworker. But again, she just really started taking to me. Now, she keeps talking about how she wants me to go hiking with her. And while I'm okay with talking to her at work, I just don't feel like I have this big connection with her and I don't feel like she's someone I'd want to hang out with outside of work. Here are some reasons why:

-She talks about sneaking into the park that she hikes at. You're supposed to pay $5 or something to get in, and she has bragged to me about how she gets in for free, and of course says that if I go with her, we can sneak in. She told me that once she pulled up to the tollbooth and asked if she had to pay, and the person told her yes. Then she just stomped on the gas and sped off before they could stop her. Obviously this isn't something I'm interested in doing.

-She talks about smoking weed a lot and has come to work high before (not to where it's really noticeable, but she once came in and told me that she just smoked a lot and that she was high). Now, I don't judge people who smoke, but it's just not for me. And again, I think she might be a pretty excessive user if she can't even come to work sober. She also has said that she likes to smoke while she's hiking, so she'd be doing it if I hiked with her. I honestly can't stand the smell of it, and it's technically illegal so I really wouldn't be comfortable being in a public place with someone who's smoking. I'm in school, and with the career path I'm taking, I can't have a criminal record at all, so that's why I don't want to be sneaking into places without paying or making anyone think that I have pot on me.

-She's 19, and I'm 24. And sometimes she just comes across and immature and lazy. She's not the worst worker I've seen, but sometimes she tends to not want to do stuff and is often asking to leave early, and she texts/uses the internet on her phone a lot while she's supposed to be working. We'll be rolling silverware and she'll have her phone out and will even ask me to watch out for the managers and tell her if any of them are coming. People like this do irritate me a bit. I'm a firm believer in just doing your job and putting the dang phone away, especially when our shifts are often only three hours long.

Also, I often get something to eat after I get off, and since she usually gets off at the same time, she always wants to come and sit with me, and she's started telling me like, REALLY personal stuff about herself. She's told me that she just feels comfortabe telling me things even though she doesn't even know me that well, and she said since I'm older, I'm like a mentor. I don't mind listening to people and letting them tell me stuff that they want to get off their chest, but at a certain point it can get uncomfortable. I don't know how to really show empathy or give people good advice. And I'm also afraid that by letting her do this, I'm leading her on and making her think we're such great friends. At the same time, I don't want to be rude and be like, "I don't care about your personal problems, so stop telling me about them." Basically without going into major detail, she's had a couple bad things happen to her, and a lot of it was because of poor judgment on her part. Some aspects were out of her control. I am not saying that I don't feel bad about what happened to her or what she's went through, though.

She is also talking about wanting to tag along with my boyfriend, his friend, and me when we go to this bar for trivia night. Again, she's only 19, but she proudly proclaims that she has a fake ID and can come along with us. Of course, none of us want to be involved with knowingly bringing an underage person into a bar. She also came across as kind of possessive for the first time at work today. I mean, we were pretty busy today, and her and I weren't even doing the same duties that day, so I didn't see her all that much, but she did walk by me a few times. And one time she walked by and said, "you're not really talking today. Why aren't you talking to me?" Maybe I was subconsciously trying to distance myself from her a bit, but I definitely wasn't purposely ignoring her. I mean, if she's just quickly passing by me, I'm not going to initiate a conversation.

I really don't know what to do! She is a little annoying at work, but that's not a huge problem. We're usually too busy for us to interact that much. The biggest problem I have now is having to find a way to tell her that I'm not interested in going hiking with her, letting her tag along to the bar, or otherwise hanging out with her outside of work. I don't want to be mean or rude. The first time she suggested going hiking, I was just kinda like, "yeah, we could go" but of course I didn't want to and didn't know how to tell her no. When the day that she planned to go came, I just told her at work that I wasn't feeling great that day and didn't really feel up to it. It wasn't a big deal because she said it was probably too hot out anyway and didn't really want to go either. Then she started talking about wanting to go the following week (which is now this week) instead. She wants to go on Thursday and I'm honestly just thinking of another excuse to not go. I just feel like no matter how I handle this (I either keep telling her I'll hang out with her but then coming up with excuses for why I can't to give her the hint, or I tell her straight up that I don't want to be friends/I don't think we have a lot in common/I'm not comfortable with her lifestyle) things are just going to get awkward. Because of course you can't escape from coworkers! I see her almost every day.



spinelli
Toucan
Toucan

Joined: 25 Apr 2016
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 272
Location: United States

04 May 2016, 12:03 pm

You're doing all the NT things to shake this clinger loose. She'll get the hint sooner or later.

NTs are notorious for giving excuses. You pass with flying colors!

After 2 or 3 occasions where a person has to pull out excuses, I see the situation for what it is. At her age, I sadly didn't.