Parent does not believe I'm autistic

Post Reply New Topic

Hello I'm new and have been recently diagnosed. I've displayed many signs since I was born. I didn't talk until I was five years old,I would freak out in public places due to over stimulation, I couldn't make any friends and preferred to be in my own little world, I pace and rock nonstop, and to this day I struggle with verbal instruction. My family knew there was something a little off with me but they could not take me to a specialist because of the money.We really didn't have a lot of money at the time. I don't ever see a doctor unless I'm dying literally. So I'm 19 years,I constantly have panic attacks at school so I decided to go see a specialist.He told me immediately what he suspected so I went to go see him every week and he was 100% sure that I had mild autism. So anyway,weeks have passed and none of my family members believe I'm autistic.

For example,I started educating my mother about it because she really doesn't know anything about autism.Its not her fault,not many people do. This is what she told me,"Autistic people have no emotions.You have plenty of emotions." Frustrated I told her that autistic people are not robots and have feelings like everyone eles. I then told her some of the symptoms of autism.I told her that some autistic people have little to no eye contact when talking to someone which is what I do.I've always hated eyes and would freak out or turn away when someone told me to look at them in the eye.Even my mother admits I have a "phobia of eyes". She then told me to look at her after I told her the symptom and then I only maintained about 10 seconds of eye contact before looking down.10 seconds is honestly the limit for me.She then said,"Stop acting like that.You don't have to act like your autistic.I swear to god you never lacked eye contact before! Stop faking it"

I am still in pure shock that she said that to me.I love my mom.I really do.I admire her so much because she raised a difficult child like me (I was bad in elementary school) However she's always known my hatred of eyeballs (as weird as it sounds) yet never noticed how I never make eye contact.When we go to dinner I always stare at the table or around the place for god's sake. I always want to leave the place and stay home because it's so loud,uncomfortable, and I can't hear her talking because everything over powers her voice.

But then she said,"So are you going to get money for the autism? That would be great! I hope the goverment gives you a friend too.You could just call up your friend and he/she could drive you places."

Again I'm in pure shock.I can't believe that came out of her mouth.I wanted to figure out what was wrong with me and once I figure it out she says something like that me? She's says I'm faking autism and then asks me if I'm getting money for it? The answer is no by the way. I'm actually quite independent.

But after she said that I felt so much shame and embarrassment.I can't even describe it.The rest of my family members are in denial. My grandfather told me I'm a hypochondriac and my stepdad told me autism isn't real and I just need to go outside and get some sunshine.

But anyway,could someone give me some advice on the mother situation? I point out one of my symptoms and she then tells me I'm faking it.What do I do? Can people fake autism? Have you had something similar happen to you? I'm eager to know because I'm dying a little inside. Please and thankyou.

It sounds like you don't have an emotionally supportive family structure, and that your mother's insecurities are coming out in the form of attacks, denial, and sarcastic remarks. Given the measures you have already taken are met with further resistance by your mother, it is unlikely you will be able to 'change her mind' as it is already made. It's not your job to control what she thinks. You might have to relinquish control of the situation and accept the new normal is that you know that your mother is not emotionally supportive. Even if you are not autistic, you could be exhibiting signs of Complex-PTSD by living in such a household. Your grandfather and stepdad are also not supportive. This could be their entire family 'pattern' of denial manifesting itself, and the best thing you can do for yourself is to reduce or remove being caught in their clouded patterns of denial before it harms you any further.

I think this problem lies with your mother. This is not about you.

Does she tend to worry about what other people think? To me, it sounds like what my mother always used to do to me whenever I said... well, ANYTHING was wrong with me. She never believed it, because in her mind that reflected on HER as a mother. It was always about how that made her feel, so she didn't want anything to be wrong with me. And eventually I learned to always act as if I was fine, no matter what.

For example, like you I never went to the doctor. I'm 27 and I have not been to the dentist since I was 11 years old. My mother gets very defensive when I mention this, and even says that it's not true (but believe me, I REMEMBER that root canal). Over the years I have realized that she is very insecure about herself (and that behavior is in part the reason why I am so insecure about myself, she was always regulating my behavior and how I spoke to people). We had a dog when I was young, he was my best buddy, but he would bite strangers if they touched him. When we took him to the vet, he asked if he should muzzle the dog. My mom said, "Oh, no." in a high-pitched voice and I immediately said, "Yes, yes, muzzle him." She was so worried about being embarrassed at a biting dog that she would risk the dog biting the vet!! ! That was a big lesson for me about the ways people act sometimes. Even now I can't talk to my mother about things that are wrong with me, because she always brings it back to herself and how she was as a mother. This is a form of insecurity and emotional manipulation. My mom doesn't even realize she is doing it, and is far less aggressive, but it is similar.

What I'm saying is, if people feel like something reflects badly on them... or if it's bad at all, they resist believing it for as long as they possibly can. My brother Colt is almost 3 and doesn't speak. I can sense in him that he is like me but nobody will believe me. They stuck a camera down his throat to look at his trachea, even though I know that he will be able to talk when he is ready. He watches and gathers information. But they see that it's different and they are freaking out about it.

People fear what is different, and autism has had a really bad name for as long as it's been around. Most people have ideas about it that are not entirely accurate or representative of the entire community. This is not at all your fault, and you deserve to take comfort in your diagnosis and knowing who you are. If you were getting money for it, it would be because you needed it and there would be nothing wrong with that.

Would she be willing to look it up? To look into forums and learning about the experiences of people with autism? She seems a bit combative and defensive right now, maybe if you let it lie for a little while you can bring it up later and give her a few resources to check out on her own. If you give her ideas about where to find the information and she finds it herself, she might be more receptive to it? Just know that YOU are okay. A doctor diagnosed you and your mother might be unhappy about that but it does NOT mean you did anything bad or deserve to feel shame, whatever happens with your mom.

All I can say is that your family sound like jerks. I wouldn't even pay attention to what they say, considering the types of things that they said to you.

I'm Freaking out man, this reminds me all to much of a night about two years ago where my mother said that my interest in Pokemon was unhealthy for me completely denying the fact that this has happened three times (including this one) in my life before first with nemo than with mythology then with pokemon. Some more minor ones, but still. Man She said that my Piplup was unhealthy for me even though it helps me cope with my Autism clearly she doesn't know what the F**k she's talking about and if she's like my mom at all it's been going on for generations.. IT's time to break the chain .

Something, which I have found very helpful, is to know the difference between objective and subjective language.

Maybe, I am being overly-systematic.

But, I imagine your entire post split into two columns.

One deals with facts, and the other deals with emotions.

You're being seen as a utility.

She wants you to be an audience for her outbursts, she wants emotional validation from you, and has tacitly refused to give you rides or money.

btw, do you have money or can you get any. That is a utilitarian question, which might be taken literally.

Very understandable you are hurt by her. You are coming into adulthood meaning you not your parents get to define who you are and take actions based on it.

Your mom wants to keep up appearances. Your dx interferes with that.