The Finishing Move

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It’s hard for me to share what it is like to be in so bad a state that I can logically start considering suicide as a game ending move. I wrote the following after misreading someone else’s post on suicide and getting pissed off. I decided to share it in a new post anyway though because it’s how I spent my morning and how I feel right now.

I’m on two different antidepressants right now so today when I crashed down to the bottom, I was in a little better state than my usual train wreck. So today instead of lying in bed all day wishing for death, I did an internet search on methods to end my life. With the worldwide push from right-to-die groups there is a surprising amount of useful information out there.

Here’s the results of my research:

Asphyxiation by nitrogen is the way to go! Mammals can’t tell their blood oxygen level but they can tell their blood CO2 level. It’s an increasing blood CO2 level that tells us we need more air and cusses the involuntary gasp reflex. Since the atmosphere is 78% nitrogen already, changing the concentration to say 98% goes unnoticed. The lights go out with no warning signals so no panic sets in and the mammal dies quickly and calmly.

Here they are using nitrogen to incapacitate a pig in a slaughter house in Germany:
http://www.swr.de/odysso/besser-schlach ... index.html
If you watch the video you can see the freshly slaughtered muscle still twitching. This shows that the pig was very relaxed and did not tense up before death.

I have chosen nitrogen asphyxiation as my preferred method due to the unavailability of high doses of barbiturates such as sodium thiopental and pentobarbital.

This video shows both effectiveness and simplicity of the nitrogen asphyxiation method:
https://vimeo.com/125096604

I have extensively investigated my problems and found them to be in my head mostly. Unfortunately I few solutions for problems in my head. I don't want to suffer with them so much that I think this is an option. I just wanted to share how much it sucks to be where I am because misery loves company.

I think about it a lot, but ultimately I don't feeI that it's a good solution. Death is permanent, as far as I know, and I'd like to have a chance to enjoy my life. I have some hope for the future.

I did go through a phase when I researched methods of suicide a lot when I was a teenager. It may be something I'd seriously consider doing in the future, but things would have to be so bad that I couldn't see any other solution.

I hope that you don't choose to end your life, but I do understand how things can suck that much.

Thanks so much. An honest response without the BS is worth more than all the 252Cf ever made.

You're welcome. I'm sorry that you are in a situation where you feel that way. It really does suck.

I think about it enough, but I don't go very far with it. I do feel that people should have the right to take their own lives if they really feel that things will not get better. However, with many people, they don't give things enough of a chance. It's definitely not a decision that should be made without a lot of serious contemplation.

I hope that things get better for you, so that you can enjoy living. I'm working on making things better myself, but it's a long process.