Not a Good Match for Anybody?
Do you think it's possible that somebody could not be a good romantic match for anybody? I've been trying my hardest to find a girlfriend for the past three or four years, and I've been shot down so many times without a single positive answer that I'm beginning to wonder if I just don't have a match. I know my aspergers makes me awkward and hard to get along with, and my normal attitude has a tendency to push people away. I have depression mood swings, I have trouble caring about other people's problems, and I'm extremely opinionated and tend to argue about, admittedly, unimportant things. I'm extremely introverted, I have no interest in most mainstream things like sports, and I'd rather spend a week locked inside my apartment playing video games than have to go outside and interact with people I don't know. I'd probably get really upset if I ever felt like my girlfriend wanted to spend time with other people more than she did me. So, would it in fact be wrong for me to expect any woman to put up with all that? Is it better if I just give up and quit looking?
You just have poor self-esteem.
As hard as it may be for you to believe, there's plenty of people your age that are more ruder, selfish, greedy, disrespectful, aggressive, and law-breaking as you are who still manage to find relationships.
Try to be realistic about what types of women you think you'd have a chance with.
If you would be absolutely incapable of dating an opposite sex version of yourself, you may be shooting a little too high.
You can try to work hard to self-improve yourself; your appearance, hygiene, confidence, etc.
It might be totally fictional, but I remember a Judge Judy case in which the wife was unable to do tasks precisely as instructed. Given the very specific way some Aspies do things, I can see where you might not be able to find someone who can do things exactly the way you would, no matter how hard you looked.
There aren't any nearby groups for things I enjoy. I live in Northwest Arkansas, where everyone's, even the women's, pastimes are huntin', fishin', watchin' football, pickup trucks, and drinkin' ALL THE BEER. I like reading, writing, video games, and watching nerdy shows on Netflix. The closest nerd group I can find on MeetUp is a DnD group, which would be awesome except that they're an hour's drive away and meet in the evenings. I work evenings, so I wouldn't ever be able to make it.
And please, don't recommend I move away. I tried living in another city, but had to move back it stressed me out too much and I lost my job. I just got a decent here job back in December, and I actually don't hate it, so I'm not going to throw that away to go live somewhere I hope there are more nerds.
And please, don't recommend I move away. I tried living in another city, but had to move back it stressed me out too much and I lost my job. I just got a decent here job back in December, and I actually don't hate it, so I'm not going to throw that away to go live somewhere I hope there are more nerds.
Wow, where you live in Arkansas sounds boring and sad. The thing is, I bet there are people who also don't like hunting or fishing or drinking, but like you, they probably don't know where to go either.
It sounds to me that your trouble finding your girlfriend is just secondary to the logistics of finding friends in your area. How can you conclude that it's about you when there are clearly external forces at work here?
Is there anyone at work or in your town you think you could confide in? You never know; sometimes, if you tell people that you're having trouble meeting others with similar interests, someone might have a suggestion for you, or they might even know someone. What about writer's groups?
One other thing: does that nerd group have an online forum? Would it be possible to post on it, saying that you work in the evenings but would like to meet people?
_________________
"…it is the struggle itself that is most important. We must strive to be more than we are, Lal. It does not matter that we will never reach our ultimate goal. The effort yields its own rewards."
-Data, android, Star Trek TNG, describing becoming more human
-Avatar created by SaveFerris
http://www.japantimes.co.jp/news/2015/0 ... ce-survey/
Based on what is happening in Japan right now, it could be that "your match" is more interested in gaming and her other hobbies than having a romantic relationship right now.
Your age is also a big factor--most male Aspies have great difficulty starting relationships in their 20s--we often look younger than our actual age, we lack social experience, and women often have a distinct bias against younger men when they are in their 20s. But, most of use seem to do much better as we get into our 30s--we no longer look too young and actually have more social experience based on all the mistakes we did in our 20s.
I live in Denver and STILL find it's easier for me to find like minded individuals online vs in real life.
MBTI https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test is something that helped me identify certain mindsets in others and gave me a place to start connecting with them. Almost all of my friends are currently Internet based.
Facebook Groups can be a great resource. They have a group for everything ^__^ even secret Autistic Groups. I understand how it feels to live somewhere that's full of Rednecks ah haha... I am originally from Florida
_________________
Raads 184/ 18/ 85/ 48/ 33
Similar Topics | |
---|---|
Good fay
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
16 Apr 2024, 8:03 pm |
Good news
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
18 Apr 2024, 10:23 pm |
DND Question: What do I need to know to be a good DM |
12 Mar 2024, 6:38 pm |
Good news
in Bipolar, Tourettes, Schizophrenia, and other Psychological Conditions |
09 Mar 2024, 6:34 pm |