Can you have an Online Relationship?

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Kitty4670
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12 May 2016, 5:46 pm

I been texting this guy for almost 3 weeks, we are planning to meet, my guy is in the army, he really is.


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kraftiekortie
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12 May 2016, 5:55 pm

Where is the man stationed?

Of course you can have an online relationship if you want one.

Just meet him at a restaurant. And don't tell him where you live.



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12 May 2016, 9:21 pm

I'm just starting out trying to have an online relationship with a girl I met at work. I have trouble talking to her at work because it's crowded and I have trouble talking while working. Plus, we live forty minutes away as is usually too busy to meet with. But I we have just started exchanging e-mails and I see no reason why this can't be a good friendship based solely on internet communication.


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Magthidon
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13 May 2016, 12:58 am

Well, I was friends with this guy I met online for 8 years. This year we've met in person twice, the first time we went to PAX together and the second time was at his wedding. Our friendship has worked fantastically, in fact we're definitely heading to PAX again next year. Why would it be any different for a romantic relationship?



Kitty4670
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13 May 2016, 2:28 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Where is the man stationed?

Of course you can have an online relationship if you want one.

Just meet him at a restaurant. And don't tell him where you live.


He is in South Carolina.


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13 May 2016, 3:18 am

Nope, I can't do it, I just cannot.
Actually, I probably could if I wanted, but I have enough experience to know that I would rather not.

Wait, you mean, can you have one ?
Statistics usually don't favour it (particularly for deployed military personnel) but sometimes some people manage to stay together if they come up with some really good plans as to how to pull it off.


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0_equals_true
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14 May 2016, 4:16 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I been texting this guy for almost 3 weeks, we are planning to meet, my guy is in the army, he really is.


How do you know he is in the army?

He should have an identity card.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Common_Access_Card

How to find out if he is really a soldier
http://armywife101.com/2013/09/youve-ca ... style.html
http://www.lovefraud.com/beware-the-soc ... -military/


Clever idea for verification
http://www.stripes.com/news/need-to-pro ... t-1.235625



beakybird
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14 May 2016, 4:23 pm

Absolute no. Yeah I don't get how it's even a relationship personally. To each their own, I just fail to see what the point would be or how it would satisfying. To meet someone, yeah, maybe get to know one another a bit. But I couldn't consider it a relationship until I could actually hang out with the person for real on some sort of semi-regular basis at the least.



sly279
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14 May 2016, 7:18 pm

beakybird wrote:
Absolute no. Yeah I don't get how it's even a relationship personally. To each their own, I just fail to see what the point would be or how it would satisfying. To meet someone, yeah, maybe get to know one another a bit. But I couldn't consider it a relationship until I could actually hang out with the person for real on some sort of semi-regular basis at the least.

Someone to talk to regular basis,emnotional support, etc. the only thing online relationships lack is touching. Otherwise everything you can get from a in person relationship you can also get from online one.



nick007
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14 May 2016, 9:37 pm

MY current relationship & my two previous 1s were all online before we met up & after due to distance till I moved in with my current girlfriend so Yes you can have an online relationship.


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JeanES
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14 May 2016, 10:39 pm

Kitty4670 wrote:
I been texting this guy for almost 3 weeks, we are planning to meet, my guy is in the army, he really is.


It's possible.

Don't send him money or compromising pictures.
Don't tell him your address/school/place of work/etc.

Google any information he tells you - most people have an internet presence - his name, his e-mail address with and without the domain, his phone number, etc. Google his name with his city. Family members he mentions by name. And reverse image search pictures he sends you.

If you can confirm that a person exists who is who this guy claims to be, arrange to meet in a neutral location like a restaurant (which I already saw mentioned)... at the very least tell one trusted friend where you are meeting him and to expect a call from you by a certain time or [call you/call your family/call the police/check the restaurant for you than do any of the others].

If that same person shows up to meet you, awesome!

Domestic abuse is a problem in the military.
This is absolutely not to say that all people in the military will be violent to domestic partners.
However, domestic violence is such a major problem that if you spend any time on base, you will notice that everywhere spouses go frequently (the commissary, the NEX/equivalent, etc.) is plastered with PSA signs about domestic violence and helpful hotline numbers.

Stats are to be taken with a grain of salt, as domestic violence is accepted as under-reported, but something like 20% of reported domestic violence in the US involves a combat veteran as the aggressor.

PTSD is real, it is very much under-diagnosed by the military and the VA... and it goes untreated. A lot.

I figure, if you're posting here asking for validation, you're nervous/concerned about something.
But you also seem very excited.
You should pursue what you want to pursue. A little bit of knowledge going in can't hurt. Just in case.

The very best of luck to you :D



beakybird
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15 May 2016, 6:04 pm

sly279 wrote:
beakybird wrote:
Absolute no. Yeah I don't get how it's even a relationship personally. To each their own, I just fail to see what the point would be or how it would satisfying. To meet someone, yeah, maybe get to know one another a bit. But I couldn't consider it a relationship until I could actually hang out with the person for real on some sort of semi-regular basis at the least.

Someone to talk to regular basis, emotional support, etc. the only thing online relationships lack is touching. Otherwise everything you can get from a in person relationship you can also get from online one.


I don't see it that way really. Talking to someone on a screen or messages or phone is nowhere near the same as enjoying their company. Their presence. Doing activities together. And, well, touching. It's a friend. I don't see how it can be considered a relationship. Again, my opinion, people disagree, but I don't get it. Just answering the original question. If people can get something out of that, then good for them. More power to you.



Magthidon
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18 May 2016, 12:46 am

Do you think it is possible to make friends with someone online? If you do, then why couldn't that extend to an online relationship? If not, why do you think it's not possible to be friends with someone online?

Almost a decade ago, I met my friend online. We were working on a game together and just grew to be best friends. We talk all the time. We actually only just physically met back in January, we decided to go to PAX South together. Saw each other again two weeks ago, I went to his wedding. Will see each other again for PAX South 2017. Maybe before then too, who knows? He's my best friend and I couldn't be happier.



Kitty4670
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18 May 2016, 1:36 am

JeanES wrote:
Kitty4670 wrote:
I been texting this guy for almost 3 weeks, we are planning to meet, my guy is in the army, he really is.


It's possible.

Don't send him money or compromising pictures.
Don't tell him your address/school/place of work/etc.

Google any information he tells you - most people have an internet presence - his name, his e-mail address with and without the domain, his phone number, etc. Google his name with his city. Family members he mentions by name. And reverse image search pictures he sends you.

If you can confirm that a person exists who is who this guy claims to be, arrange to meet in a neutral location like a restaurant (which I already saw mentioned)... at the very least tell one trusted friend where you are meeting him and to expect a call from you by a certain time or [call you/call your family/call the police/check the restaurant for you than do any of the others].

If that same person shows up to meet you, awesome!

Domestic abuse is a problem in the military.
This is absolutely not to say that all people in the military will be violent to domestic partners.
However, domestic violence is such a major problem that if you spend any time on base, you will notice that everywhere spouses go frequently (the commissary, the NEX/equivalent, etc.) is plastered with PSA signs about domestic violence and helpful hotline numbers.

Stats are to be taken with a grain of salt, as domestic violence is accepted as under-reported, but something like 20% of reported domestic violence in the US involves a combat veteran as the aggressor.

PTSD is real, it is very much under-diagnosed by the military and the VA... and it goes untreated. A lot.

I figure, if you're posting here asking for validation, you're nervous/concerned about something.
But you also seem very excited.
You should pursue what you want to pursue. A little bit of knowledge going in can't hurt. Just in case.

The very best of luck to you :D


Why there domestic abuse, do you know?


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beakybird
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18 May 2016, 6:11 am

Magthidon wrote:
Do you think it is possible to make friends with someone online? If you do, then why couldn't that extend to an online relationship? If not, why do you think it's not possible to be friends with someone online?

Almost a decade ago, I met my friend online. We were working on a game together and just grew to be best friends. We talk all the time. We actually only just physically met back in January, we decided to go to PAX South together. Saw each other again two weeks ago, I went to his wedding. Will see each other again for PAX South 2017. Maybe before then too, who knows? He's my best friend and I couldn't be happier.


Because there is a much larger connection necessary, for me at least, to consider it a relationship. A large part of that is sexual. If the question were, could you have a non-sexual relationship, my answer would have also been no. I couldn't commit to someone who isn't able to fill that need. Theoretically I could START a relationship online to see if there's enough common ground to try to take things further. But I've never tried to do this.

The only relationships, to me at least, that would work online only are the ones that are strictly based in talking. That, of course is probably the largest part of any friendship or relationship. But for me there's more to both. I'd like to have friends with whom I can go to a concert, or smoke a bowl with. If have to get on a plane to do that (something I'm scared shitless of anyway) it not going to work. I've struggled to maintain a friendship with my best friend of 15+ years because he moved one state over and is 2.5 hours away. For a relationship those sorts of things plus physical contact, even for non-sexual things like a back rub after a rough day. For me to feel a connection on that level, touching is utterly necessary.

Though I will say I'd be more prone to try if it were a female with a mind toward seeking a relationship. A good one of those is really really hard to find. If that person happened to be far away, then I don't think I'd cause that to be an obstacle, though I couldn't have it be long term like that. If I hit it off with someone, I'd be looking to come to them pretty shortly because I'd want to be actually WITH them.



Magthidon
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18 May 2016, 1:28 pm

beakybird wrote:
Magthidon wrote:
Do you think it is possible to make friends with someone online? If you do, then why couldn't that extend to an online relationship? If not, why do you think it's not possible to be friends with someone online?

Almost a decade ago, I met my friend online. We were working on a game together and just grew to be best friends. We talk all the time. We actually only just physically met back in January, we decided to go to PAX South together. Saw each other again two weeks ago, I went to his wedding. Will see each other again for PAX South 2017. Maybe before then too, who knows? He's my best friend and I couldn't be happier.


Because there is a much larger connection necessary, for me at least, to consider it a relationship. A large part of that is sexual. If the question were, could you have a non-sexual relationship, my answer would have also been no. I couldn't commit to someone who isn't able to fill that need. Theoretically I could START a relationship online to see if there's enough common ground to try to take things further. But I've never tried to do this.

The only relationships, to me at least, that would work online only are the ones that are strictly based in talking. That, of course is probably the largest part of any friendship or relationship. But for me there's more to both. I'd like to have friends with whom I can go to a concert, or smoke a bowl with. If have to get on a plane to do that (something I'm scared shitless of anyway) it not going to work. I've struggled to maintain a friendship with my best friend of 15+ years because he moved one state over and is 2.5 hours away. For a relationship those sorts of things plus physical contact, even for non-sexual things like a back rub after a rough day. For me to feel a connection on that level, touching is utterly necessary.

Though I will say I'd be more prone to try if it were a female with a mind toward seeking a relationship. A good one of those is really really hard to find. If that person happened to be far away, then I don't think I'd cause that to be an obstacle, though I couldn't have it be long term like that. If I hit it off with someone, I'd be looking to come to them pretty shortly because I'd want to be actually WITH them.

That's generally how it would work out. You meet someone online, find a connection, arrange to meet up in person, if possible, etc.