Assuming others know what you're talking about

Page 1 of 2 [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

ImAnAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)

15 May 2016, 4:29 pm

Does anyone else do this?

I'll start talking to someone about something as if they had prior knowledge of what I'm talking about only to find out half way through the conversation that they don't know what I assumed they knew.
And if I think about it, I should have known they had no way of knowing what I was talking about.

It's like I just assume that because I know it, they know it as well.

Does anyone else do this?


_________________


Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



QuantumChemist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 836
Location: Midwest

15 May 2016, 4:41 pm

Yes, I can understand what you are facing. At my former teaching position, I tried to talk chemistry with other PhD chemists there. That was such a mismatch in conversation, even though it involved their area of study. I found out that my coworkers basically did not want to keep up with information in their own field of study, so whatever I told them went right over their heads time and time again. That really disappointed me. It got to the point that if it was something that they were not actively teaching that semester, I did not mention the topic to them at all.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,968

15 May 2016, 4:43 pm

Lots of people don't really remember conversations made in the past--so you can't even assume that.



Austinfrom1995
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Jan 2016
Age: 24
Posts: 3,342
Location: Texas

15 May 2016, 5:20 pm

Oh yes, I do this all the time when I am talking. I assume they know everything about what I am talking about and so I tend to leave out important details because I think "duh, they already know them!" Even though they have no idea about what I am talking about.


_________________
Ya, I'm weird like that... :alien:


ImAnAspie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)

15 May 2016, 8:53 pm

Austinfrom1995 wrote:
Oh yes, I do this all the time when I am talking. I assume they know everything about what I am talking about and so I tend to leave out important details because I think "duh, they already know them!" Even though they have no idea about what I am talking about.


That's It! That's exactly what I was trying to say.


_________________


Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200

Formally diagnosed in 2007.

Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.



ConceptuallyCurious
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2014
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 494

16 May 2016, 9:35 am

This happens to be very frequently.


_________________
Diagnosed with:
Moderate Hearing Loss in 2002.
Autism Spectrum Disorder in August 2015.
ADHD diagnosed in July 2016

Also "probable" dyspraxia/DCD and dyslexia.

Plus a smattering of mental health problems that have now been mostly resolved.


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 62,418
Location: Queens, NYC

16 May 2016, 9:36 am

Yep....me too!



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 19,529
Location: Long Island, New York

16 May 2016, 12:12 pm

Yep I do that and have it done to me plenty of times.


_________________
Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

"The lunatics have taken over the asylum" - The Specials


Magi
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 29 Dec 2015
Age: 1938
Posts: 131

16 May 2016, 1:31 pm

This thread is so autistic.

I fix peoples computers and I learned that they dont even want to know whats going on, they just want it fixed so they can go do whatever neurotypical monkeys do with their computers.



naturalplastic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Aug 2010
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 21,343
Location: temperate zone

16 May 2016, 1:45 pm

BTDT wrote:
Lots of people don't really remember conversations made in the past--so you can't even assume that.


Well...Its the other way around. Its up to you to remember to assume that people dont remember conversations in the past.

And I constantly make the mistake of assuming folks do remember conversations in the past, and I will start up where we left off from a previous conversation- and always confuse the other person.

In 2012 a coworker began to ask me about the presidential election of that year. I was amazed that he didnt remember which party I was because "we talked about it in the '08 election", and he responded with equal shock that "I remembered a conversation we had four years ago". I was (still am) shocked that he was shocked about that...because it was a rather involved converstion (the 08 converstion, not the 12). In the 08 conversation he told me "I had you pegged as a [particular party]. So I am surprised that you're the other party". So that gave the 08 conversation a little emotional spark that stuck in my mind. So I assumed that he would remember it too. Oh well. I guess only aspies remember conversations!



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,323
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

16 May 2016, 2:38 pm

That's been happening a lot towards my mum and I. I presume that she knows what I'm talking about and getting at. She tells me that I'm not making sense. She tells me her side of things and I think she doesn't make sense. The two of us see things through completely different lenses right now. I've given up trying to tell her ways that I'm changing and the plans that I have because she doesn't understand anything I'm telling her. I speak from a healthy lifestyles point of view and she speaks from an autism point of view. I only do small talk with her, as difficult as it is.


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


carbonmonoxide
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2015
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 145

16 May 2016, 2:53 pm

I have a friend that I keep in touch with not very frequently. I think she's undiagnosed Aspie.
When we talk I'm scared to even ask about anything in her life as she would always respond with a long story full of Peters, Annas, Victors and so on... never even mentioning who those people are. I try to listen at first and may get as much as 'ok, it looks like Peter I her manager' but when she mentions Anna, I'm not sure whether she would be another colleague or manager's wife... Finally I just stop listening.

I think I have opposite problem: I explain things that are obvious for everyone else :-P



Amity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,795
Location: Meandering

16 May 2016, 2:56 pm

This has caused a lot of confusion for the people I speak with, and their reaction confused me.

For a long time I didn't realise that I was leaving chunks of information out, and that the confusion was my doing, I would get irritated with the person for not understanding. Now at least I know to check if I have left out a piece of information.



B19
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 11 Jan 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,339
Location: New Zealand

16 May 2016, 4:47 pm

Not so much assuming others know what I'm talking about per se. I am continually surprised that many others have difficulty understanding concepts that seem so obvious and straight forward to me, not difficult arcane things, just passing observations about life, politics, human beings, social realities which I want to communicate and discuss - though instead of the meaningful dialogues I hope for there is typically the unsatisfying and isolating experience of two monologues being broadcast on different wavelengths, two people supposedly having a conversation when really talking not to but past each other without any genuine connection points. I hate this experience as it increases a sense of pervasive isolation that I feel oppressed by when it happens and even when it doesn't happen. Mercifully, there are a select few of trusted people I do feel heard and understood by and vice versa - people who can make that imaginative leap to stand momentarily in another's perspective - these people are rare gems in my life and my gratitude to them and their value to me is immense.



YippySkippy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2011
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,128

16 May 2016, 4:55 pm

I either assume people know things they don't, or I assume they don't know things that they do. And then they're offended because they feel I'm treating them like they're idiots. I can't win for trying. :?