I wish the responsibility to father children was in me

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K_Kelly
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23 May 2016, 5:11 pm

Does anyone else really want children someday, but know the responsibility will be too big for them? It hurts me, but what exactly can I do about it?



slenkar
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23 May 2016, 8:25 pm

When you have children your brain adjusts



K_Kelly
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23 May 2016, 11:21 pm

I also want to know more about that.

I always envy when some hot women ofmy affection gets pregnant. When will I finally get to swoop down a nice one and make her pregnant. :)

It really is deep seated.



slenkar
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23 May 2016, 11:56 pm

It's pretty easy for the first two years,you just feed them and change them.
Then they learn some words and you spend hours interacting with them and have no time for hobbies.
But the first two years gets you ready so it's not so bad.



ZD
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24 May 2016, 2:03 am

As mentioned you just adjust I found it very hard at first. Adjusting to new routines or lack of was the bit I found hard I like everything planned.

One thing on hobbies yes you might have to side line them for a while but you can sometimes get them interested as well when older depending what they are. But they actually become your hobby and special interest ;)


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RetroGamer87
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24 May 2016, 6:24 am

K_Kelly wrote:
Does anyone else really want children someday?
No. I don't want to have kids and neither does my girlfriend. She has a contraceptive implant in her arm.


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BenderRodriguez
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24 May 2016, 8:05 am

I've never had the biological urge to have offspring or get women pregnant, so I can't advise on that.


K_Kelly wrote:
Does anyone else really want children someday, but know the responsibility will be too big for them? It hurts me, but what exactly can I do about it?

You're very young, when people your age have kids they usually just take the plunge without thinking much about it, with mixed results.

I've had both my kids in my 40s and I was certain I want them and am able and willing to raise them. You might not hear this from a lot of men, but I had the best time with them when they were very young. Babies can be tiresome, but I found their needs to be simple and straight-forward, so much easier to cater to than those of adults.

Small children can be great fun and worked as the perfect "anti-stress pill" for me. Before we "domesticate" them, their perception of the world is fresh, unaffected by prejudice or the burden of experience, their emotions and thoughts candid and unspoiled, and they act spontaneous and unconventional without concern.


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K_Kelly
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24 May 2016, 2:23 pm

So concensus: will having kids be easier or harder than people think?



BenderRodriguez
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24 May 2016, 2:44 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
So concensus: will having kids be easier or harder than people think?


There can be no consensus on something like that :lol: It varies too much depending on the circumstances and the people themselves!


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K_Kelly
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24 May 2016, 3:28 pm

I just want to cry, my parents say that it's a very big responsibility in a way to discourage me.



BenderRodriguez
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24 May 2016, 3:35 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
I just want to cry, my parents say that it's a very big responsibility in a way to discourage me.


Don't take it so hard, I think your parents see you're not ready for something like this yet. Thing can change in the future, I've had my first at 42!


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slenkar
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24 May 2016, 3:38 pm

Its 'hard' but well within the realms of human tolerance.
It helps to actually enjoy the process and to read about how to handle children who are defiant instead of just yelling.

If you are the kind of person who doesnt like to stay at home then raising children is a bad idea, you also have to be tolerant and put up with a fair amount of 'insults' like someone not wanting to do what you want, even though you are their parent.



arielhawksquill
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24 May 2016, 4:02 pm

If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else, either. Do you feel like you have solid self-care skills? Autistics who can't make themselves eat and sleep on a regular schedule can't offer regular meals and bedtimes to a child, for example.



Kitty4670
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24 May 2016, 9:29 pm

When I was younger, I wanted kids, I don't want kids anymore.


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goldfish21
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26 May 2016, 2:10 pm

I'm really good with kids, but as a gay man probably won't have any of my own. I am an uncle and God father several times over, though.

Maybe that's your thing? Maybe you just need to be the fun uncle to your family/friends' kids? Or if that's not an option, do some volunteer work with kids. Maybe that's where you fit in.. taking on a temporary small dose role making some kids happy. ie Big Brothers, or Boy Scouts, or volunteering at a children's hospital or something of that sort.. you can make a positive impact in some kids' lives w/o having to have the full time responsibility of raising them that comes along with it.


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