How to stop scaring girls off so much

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K_Kelly
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01 Jun 2016, 8:38 pm

I believe that the reason I got to date my first girl was a coincidence. She had her own neurological issues too though. I talked with a girl friend of my cousin's at a memorial day party on Saturday. I'm afraid I came off too strong on her. She was cute, red hair (dyed, not really naturally redhead), wore clothing that exposed her naval and cute arm tattoo. I was being a little too talkative. I asked if I can friend her on Facebook, we did on our phones, and other than that, I might have gone too overboard with texting on Messenger. That night, I told her I was gone from the party and she responded "Ok. Good night *blush smiley*". (I knew that blush smiley was too good to be true!)

Ever since that, she never responds to my texts again. What are the possible explanations other than I was going on too strong? Also, the day of the party I also sat down to talk with her about interests.

I also can't help, is it my weird voice? Is it the way I carry myself? I have a mild form of physical disability that's caused by the malformation of part of the brain that controls movement and speech.

WHY?? :evil:



Fnord
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01 Jun 2016, 9:00 pm

It's hard to tell where you went wrong. We don't know you, and we have only your side of it.

But if I have to guess, then I'd say that you may have been a little to talkative or that you may have come on too strong. It's also possible that she was expecting you to stick around longer.

Who knows? Anyone's guess is as good as any other.


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muff
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01 Jun 2016, 9:04 pm

if she used that emoticon, it is likely you did nothing wrong. i think a lot of people vanish when things get 'more real'. i wouldnt let this make you question yourself and stop engaging with girls/women.



K_Kelly
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01 Jun 2016, 9:05 pm

Sticking around longer? What do you mean by that.

Also, does it mean that I should throw in the towel and quit for good, now? Or if I end up seeing her again, can I try to start back up?



KimD
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01 Jun 2016, 10:13 pm

It could be many different things, including some that have little or nothing to do with you at all. It's hard for someone who doesn't know you to decide.

If you see her again, feel free to say "hi" and smile, but if you're afraid that you came on too strong, consider letting her do most of the talking for a change. If you remember some details about your previous conversations/texts, ask a follow-up question to express your interest in her--but don't drill her as if you're interrogating a crime suspect. :) If you can, try to find a sort of give-and-take, like a game of verbal "catch". Even if it doesn't lead to a serious relationship, you'll have learned something about an interesting woman (she sounds cute, too!) and will have practiced some conversation skills--which don't always come easily for anyone.

Personally, I've found that the most successful romantic relationships in my life, including my still-happy 21-year marriage, started off as friendships, anyway, so don't put too much pressure on yourself--just enjoy the time you spend with her for whatever it is.



RetroGamer87
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01 Jun 2016, 10:26 pm

I think it's that you didn't come on strong enough. Remember that girls love physical contact.

Also, you said you were gone from the party? Where you dating her at a party? And then you left her there? Maybe the blush smiley was to symbolise her disappointment that her date walked out on her.


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enz
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01 Jun 2016, 11:25 pm

I disagree, unless you have a strong connection go easy on the touching

Also i think you should make sure you treat her as an equal and not put her on a pedistole



Fnord
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02 Jun 2016, 6:12 am

K_Kelly wrote:
Sticking around longer? What do you mean by that.
You left the party, and told her through a text message. Maybe you should have stayed longer, instead.
K_Kelly wrote:
Also, does it mean that I should throw in the towel and quit for good, now? Or if I end up seeing her again, can I try to start back up?
Hard to tell. If she's not responding, then maybe giving up is the best idea. There are many other women around.


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enz
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02 Jun 2016, 9:23 pm

Its only a suggestion, I think your a bit hard on yourself



Sangsang
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02 Jun 2016, 9:49 pm

If she was interested, she would text you back. There's no way to find out why (too many possible reasons, no way to find out which is the case), so best just to move on. You don't really have another option.

If you're a bit awkward or come on too strong, a girl who is into you is likely to overlook it.



K_Kelly
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03 Jun 2016, 3:20 am

The problem is, nobody in my life has ever contacted me first when texting. I wonder if there is anything about me that make people not want to contact me first.



Sangsang
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03 Jun 2016, 2:03 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
The problem is, nobody in my life has ever contacted me first when texting. I wonder if there is anything about me that make people not want to contact me first.


If a girl's given you her number, why not call instead of texting?!



KimD
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04 Jun 2016, 7:20 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
. Remember that girls love physical contact.


NO. Very, very seldom do many "girls" welcome physical contact with a guy they may not even be interested in!

RetroGamer, that's really bad advice. Really. Bad.



RetroGamer87
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04 Jun 2016, 9:14 am

KimD wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
. Remember that girls love physical contact.
NO. Very, very seldom do many "girls" welcome physical contact with a guy they may not even be interested in!

RetroGamer, that's really bad advice. Really. Bad.
I meant from guys they are interested in.


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slw1990
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04 Jun 2016, 2:53 pm

It could've been that you came on too strong.