How to stop scaring girls off so much

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somanyspoons
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04 Jun 2016, 3:24 pm

Ask your cousin for advice. Girls talk. The cute red head might have said something to her. I do think its possible that your leaving early left the wrong impression. Its a fine line between coming on too strong and coming off as stand offish. If you get a chance, and she re-engages via text, I suggest telling her about your concern. Tell her that you really enjoyed talking to her but that you are a little afraid that you were talking too much. If she responds well to that, you'll know that she might be able to date you. If she responds poorly, you'll know that she was never worth the effort.



K_Kelly
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04 Jun 2016, 4:24 pm

How do I do that, like tell her that I enjoyed talking to her?



somanyspoons
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04 Jun 2016, 9:09 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
How do I do that, like tell her that I enjoyed talking to her?



Well - I would start with a text that says "How are you today?" If she doesn't answer, let it go. Asking twice is creepy. You could maybe get away with a sticker or emoji a few minutes later. But no more than one.

If she answers, you can say (I'm paraphrasing you from earlier) "I really enjoyed talking with you the other night. I'm a little worried that I talked too much. Sometimes get nervous when I'm around new people."

If its too much to talk about your emotions so soon, you can say "Sometimes I do that when I'm around new people." But girls really enjoy talking about emotions, so I would go with the former if you can.

That kind of honesty is like a puppy. Honestly is a chick magnet. Women will think its sweet and will totally dig you for it, as long as you keep it short and sweet. To the point - not all weepy and clingy.

She will most likely blow it off by saying "its OK." She may say that she has a hard time meeting new people too. That's really gold because it means that she is trying to connect with you.

Assuming everything is positive here, after that is the time to ask her about herself. Pick something you know about her and ask her about it. Like, if she is having car trouble, ask her about her car. Or ask her about her plans for the summer if she's a student. Basic stuff. Nothing to personal.

Or you could just get to the point and ask her out. You can say "would you like to get some coffee?" That's a really low key pre-date. Its not really a date yet. Its a pre-date. Another thing that a lot of women like to do for pre-dates is go for a walk in the woods. That's nice because its OK if the conversation lapses. You can just look at nature. And if it goes on too long, you can point out the birds and the flowers.



K_Kelly
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05 Jun 2016, 1:57 pm

Well, what's the meaning if it tells you she is active now on Messenger, but doesn't actually see my message when it's still been delivered? This is judging by the little tick icons besides the message.



KimD
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05 Jun 2016, 3:18 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
KimD wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
. Remember that girls love physical contact.
NO. Very, very seldom do many "girls" welcome physical contact with a guy they may not even be interested in!

RetroGamer, that's really bad advice. Really. Bad.
I meant from guys they are interested in.


That may not be the case here! In any event, you seldom improve your chances at a relationship with a woman you've just met by making physical contact too soon.



somanyspoons
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05 Jun 2016, 3:37 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
Well, what's the meaning if it tells you she is active now on Messenger, but doesn't actually see my message when it's still been delivered? This is judging by the little tick icons besides the message.


It could mean that she is busy. It could mean that she is also an introvert or also an aspie and simply doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. It could mean that she doesn't want to talk to you right now.

I know this sucks, but you have to simply wait. If she doesn't get back to you in 24 hours or so, she's just not into you. Contacting her again will just push her away. If that happens, your only option is to try to find yourself in the same place as her so you can get to know her better.



K_Kelly
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05 Jun 2016, 4:18 pm

Wouldn't that last suggestion push her away even more?



friedmacguffins
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05 Jun 2016, 4:46 pm

You select the ones, who show interest, or who choose to deal with you.

They can be out of your league or from a different world. It doesn't matter. They will lie, make excuses, and wreck themselves, to accommodate you, even if you're not worth it or not a good person. It doesn't matter how bad you are.

Improve yourself, because you need it or deserve it, or because it's the right thing to do; it will neither improve your chances with her or worsen them.

It's irrational. It's a choice. There's nothing you can do to fix it.

imho, you're fixating.

I have just been dragged to a pool, campground, festival, and parade. I'm going to say that 95% of the eligible women didn't like me. I prefer to remember the other 5%.



Last edited by friedmacguffins on 05 Jun 2016, 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

RetroGamer87
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05 Jun 2016, 4:48 pm

KimD wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
KimD wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
. Remember that girls love physical contact.
NO. Very, very seldom do many "girls" welcome physical contact with a guy they may not even be interested in!

RetroGamer, that's really bad advice. Really. Bad.
I meant from guys they are interested in.
That may not be the case here! In any event, you seldom improve your chances at a relationship with a woman you've just met by making physical contact too soon.
Just met? You misunderstand me. I meant when he's dating a girl, not some random stranger.


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friedmacguffins
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05 Jun 2016, 4:52 pm

What is your (frank) purpose in dating this person?



somanyspoons
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05 Jun 2016, 8:03 pm

K_Kelly wrote:
Wouldn't that last suggestion push her away even more?


It will only push her away if its obvious that you did it on purpose. If you just happen to both end up at your cousin's house again, its not creepy. Its just normal.

In the mean time, keep looking for girls you like and keep trying to talk to them. Its a bit of a numbers game. You have to ask something like ten girls out (one at a time please!) to expect to get one yes. Rejection is just part of the game. Its not personal. There are a lot of reasons a girl might not want to go out with you. Your behavior is just one of them. She might have a crush on someone else. She might be busy. She might be secretely lesbian. She might like boys with brown eyes and you have blue. You might remind her too much of her last boy friend.. The list goes on and on. Its almost never because you did something wrong.