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franklin.jr
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01 Jun 2016, 10:11 pm

I don't remember when it started, but sure I have it since childhood. Sometimes I can't differentiate between what I am thinking and what I am really seeing.

To illustrate it, if I think I am discussing with someone (or if I remember a discussion I had with someone), if I concentrate too much on what I think, in a few moments I begin grumbling alone and shaking my hand and finger in the air.

I don't understand this characteristic of mine, and I don't know if there's a solution for it, or if I should simply accept and try to live with it. Is it an hallucination? Sure it's a source of huge embarrassments to me, because it can happen anytime, anywhere, inclusive at the street and this is the reason I don't drive cars - I am too afraid of causing an accident.

Also, does it have anything to do with eventually being Asperger? This is something I am still too reluctant to accept.

Please tell me what's your opinion about it.



franklin.jr
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02 Jun 2016, 8:51 am

Please help me on this issue.



Chichikov
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02 Jun 2016, 9:05 am

Can't really help you beyond telling you this isn't related to Autism. You should probably see a doctor.



franklin.jr
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02 Jun 2016, 9:09 am

Chichikov wrote:
Can't really help you beyond telling you this isn't related to Autism. You should probably see a doctor.


Thanks for your opinion. Actually no one I asked elsewhere knew what this could be and this is the reason I came here.



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02 Jun 2016, 1:00 pm

franklin.jr wrote:
Chichikov wrote:
Can't really help you beyond telling you this isn't related to Autism. You should probably see a doctor.


Thanks for your opinion. Actually no one I asked elsewhere knew what this could be and this is the reason I came here.


I really am not sure- but it could be a form of dissociating?
They normally associate dissociating with "trauma" of some sort like PTSD or DD-NOS or DID, but from what I've been reading about autistics and DID (which I'm still evaluating myself for at the docs) autistics naturally and normally dissociate at a much higher frequency than NTs do.
Partly do to the "overwhelming world/stimulus" and if not properly taken care of- then lots of overwhelming and confusing things can be traumatic that wouldn't be for an NT- in particular as a child.

The hallucinations- is it like actively reliving- such that you temporarily loose base with reality? Or more inline with vivid day-dreaming?
How much is it impairing you? I know it can be scary.
Does it have a specific trigger? Like boredom/stress? It sounds like dissociating to me- but that just might be because that's what I'm familiar with.
Also, I have a similar fear of driving for that reason as well. :oops:
I have also been like this since I was a kid- but for me it was always when I was wrapped up in my thoughts or overwhelmed.



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02 Jun 2016, 9:25 pm

I have mild schizophrenia.
From what I understand it is sort of cupped with my autism.
Not sure if what you are describing is schizophrenic behavior though.



franklin.jr
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03 Jun 2016, 11:45 am

Actually these "hallucinations" (I am not sure how to call it) can happen to me anytime, anywhere. Anything I am thinking, both good and bad memories, can trigger this situation.

Sometimes I "wake up" and realize I was smiling alone on the street, with no apparent reason for outsiders, or I suddenly feel myself in a bad mood because of something that happened decades ago and I am able to recall it as if it just happened - I know there's no reason for me to keep recalling it, but how can I explain it to others who, with good intentions, tell me things like "forget about it", "get over it". I am also afraid of taking any kind of medicine because 1) I don't want to get addicted, 2) I am afraid this can affect my job because there's a good side of it: I feel creative and productive while working.

It's also embarassing to tell to others and almost no one is aware of it. I want to have a normal life, but in my daily life I am used to be rejected with no apparent reason, or under strange explanations, and this applies to job, daily life, relationships... If I keep silent, somehow people notice it with comments like "he is a strange guy", but I wonder which scary reactions await for me if I open my mouth. Trying to have a normal life is difficult under these conditions, and I always become a very lonely man in the end.

It's hard, very hard.



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03 Jun 2016, 7:24 pm

This sounds like a really good thing to work out with a qualified therapist. I also have a VERY vivid imagination. But it doesn't scare me. It comforts me. There was a point, in high school, where I decided that my talking to myself might mean that I'm crazy, so I stopped it. But I was so lonely without my imaginary world that I brought it back. And I'm very glad I did because its a very important part of how I cope in the world.

Its really impossible to tell what's going on with you from what you post. Schizophrenia does happen to autistic people. Our brains are already wired a little tight. If that's what's going on with you, it would be so wonderful to have help and get it under control before it really hurts you.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like schizophrenia. It really sounds a lot like me - a very vivid imagination paired with some PTSD symptoms. In addition to my happy place, I also get what I call "freezes." I get stuck in an old memory or a strong thought associated with something that I am thinking about saying to someone else. I can literally stop on the sidewalk with my emotional freezes. They do have something in common with dissociation, but its not really a full blown dissociative disorder. I bring myself back pretty quickly. As I get older, I have more skills and more ability to manage these things. With me, I see it as part of my neurodiversity. I don't really see my brain as sick or needing medication, just very tightly wired and needing a lot of preventative care.



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03 Jun 2016, 7:50 pm

somanyspoons wrote:
This sounds like a really good thing to work out with a qualified therapist. I also have a VERY vivid imagination. But it doesn't scare me. It comforts me. There was a point, in high school, where I decided that my talking to myself might mean that I'm crazy, so I stopped it. But I was so lonely without my imaginary world that I brought it back. And I'm very glad I did because its a very important part of how I cope in the world.

Its really impossible to tell what's going on with you from what you post. Schizophrenia does happen to autistic people. Our brains are already wired a little tight. If that's what's going on with you, it would be so wonderful to have help and get it under control before it really hurts you.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like schizophrenia. It really sounds a lot like me - a very vivid imagination paired with some PTSD symptoms. In addition to my happy place, I also get what I call "freezes." I get stuck in an old memory or a strong thought associated with something that I am thinking about saying to someone else. I can literally stop on the sidewalk with my emotional freezes. They do have something in common with dissociation, but its not really a full blown dissociative disorder. I bring myself back pretty quickly. As I get older, I have more skills and more ability to manage these things. With me, I see it as part of my neurodiversity. I don't really see my brain as sick or needing medication, just very tightly wired and needing a lot of preventative care.

This was VERY interesting to hear! :D
I love hearing about this sort of thing because it just gives more information about what others experiences in not-as-common brains are like.
I definitely agree that just because it isn't common doesn't mean that it necessarily needs to be medicated/"cured" if you can learn to enjoy it and it helps or is interesting to you MORE than it might hurt- because everything in life from the mundane to the extraordinary comes with pros and cons.
And I think everyone can learn to work with what they have no matter what it is.



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03 Jun 2016, 8:06 pm

franklin.jr wrote:
Actually these "hallucinations" (I am not sure how to call it) can happen to me anytime, anywhere. Anything I am thinking, both good and bad memories, can trigger this situation.

Sometimes I "wake up" and realize I was smiling alone on the street, with no apparent reason for outsiders, or I suddenly feel myself in a bad mood because of something that happened decades ago and I am able to recall it as if it just happened - I know there's no reason for me to keep recalling it, but how can I explain it to others who, with good intentions, tell me things like "forget about it", "get over it". I am also afraid of taking any kind of medicine because 1) I don't want to get addicted, 2) I am afraid this can affect my job because there's a good side of it: I feel creative and productive while working.

It's also embarassing to tell to others and almost no one is aware of it. I want to have a normal life, but in my daily life I am used to be rejected with no apparent reason, or under strange explanations, and this applies to job, daily life, relationships... If I keep silent, somehow people notice it with comments like "he is a strange guy", but I wonder which scary reactions await for me if I open my mouth. Trying to have a normal life is difficult under these conditions, and I always become a very lonely man in the end.

It's hard, very hard.

Wow, I get this post so much.
I have these issues too. How old are you btw? I got away with it for a while when I was younger. It doesn't fly as much once you reach a certain age I've found. :lol:
I get what you mean so much about that whole "wake up and outsiders don't understand why XYZ" -if you ever get more insight into this PM me haha. :mrgreen:



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03 Jun 2016, 8:56 pm

Do you just act like it's actually happening, or do you perceive it that way too?

Because hallucinations are a perceptual thing. If you aren't perceiving the thing but just getting so wrapped up in imagination that you start acting it out, that's not a hallucination.

I talk to myself when I'm deep in thought, and I'll also act things out sometimes, but I don't perceive anything that isn't there. I also have PTSD and I have flashbacks where I feel emotionally like the trauma is happening now, but I don't actually perceive it as a real sensation, just a very vivid yet disjointed memory.



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03 Jun 2016, 9:02 pm

Ettina wrote:
Do you just act like it's actually happening, or do you perceive it that way too?

Because hallucinations are a perceptual thing. If you aren't perceiving the thing but just getting so wrapped up in imagination that you start acting it out, that's not a hallucination.

I talk to myself when I'm deep in thought, and I'll also act things out sometimes, but I don't perceive anything that isn't there. I also have PTSD and I have flashbacks where I feel emotionally like the trauma is happening now, but I don't actually perceive it as a real sensation, just a very vivid yet disjointed memory.

Oh- that's a good distinction to make and hadn't thought of that. thanks for pointing that out (sorry if I'm jumping in overly here- I just relate to what the OP is saying).



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03 Jun 2016, 9:46 pm

Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
Ettina wrote:
Do you just act like it's actually happening, or do you perceive it that way too?

Because hallucinations are a perceptual thing. If you aren't perceiving the thing but just getting so wrapped up in imagination that you start acting it out, that's not a hallucination.

I talk to myself when I'm deep in thought, and I'll also act things out sometimes, but I don't perceive anything that isn't there. I also have PTSD and I have flashbacks where I feel emotionally like the trauma is happening now, but I don't actually perceive it as a real sensation, just a very vivid yet disjointed memory.

Oh- that's a good distinction to make and hadn't thought of that. thanks for pointing that out (sorry if I'm jumping in overly here- I just relate to what the OP is saying).


As far as I'm aware, PTSD can include perceptual differences. For example, it's pretty classic for a person with PTSD to be triggered by a normal noise like a single car backfiring and think they are hearing multiple rounds of gunfire. In our more subtle, aspie way, its very common to see something that reminds you of being bullied and actually hear the voices of the people criticizing you in your head. Its actually perceived and actually felt. But there is a real difference between this and schizophrenic experience. I don't know how to describe it but its definately different. I have a friend who has both. Its super clear when she is hallucinating and when she is being typically autistic and therefor paranoid that people are picking on her.